Father Figure
by Grissom1
Summary: Sara has to face the loss of her mother with Grissom's help but she also tries to solve a mystery from her past that will affect her future...always GSR
1. Chapter 1

**Father Figure**

Note from author:

I don't own CSI but I do use their characters quite a bit….if they sue me maybe I can get their autograph…

Thanks to Peggy for giving me the idea...she is as warped as I am...but I still love her...

This is set in my own alternate universe…yeah come join me….

He told himself he shouldn't get involved with someone so young. He was not looking for anyone. In fact, he just happened to be in the city for a short period of time and therefore had no desire to have a one night stand. He told himself that as he watched her from across the street. She was visibly upset and any other time he would have turned to allow the woman some privacy so she could cry without feeling someone was watching her.

He didn't.

Instead, he walked across the street and pretended to be interested in the menu that was posted outside the same café. He glanced once or twice at her and she folded her arms and pretended she had not been crying. He grinned. He liked the look of stubbornness that crossed her face.

She stepped inside the small café and found the only available table that was free.

She had no sooner sat down and pulled out a menu that he came and stood in front of her.

"Do you mind sharing? There doesn't seem to be anything else open," he said. She surprised herself when she said yes. She wasn't quite sure why she had. It was not like her to allow a stranger to come and sit down with her. She rarely spoke with anyone she did not know. She guessed it was because of her family past.

"Have you eaten here before?" he asked.

She was surprised when he looked directly at her.

She nodded.

He glanced back at the menu.

"I really hate to eat alone. Just got here…on business," he said.

She smiled.

He took the moment to really look at her. She was tall and slim and her brunette hair fell to her shoulders. Her smile seemed to spread across her face showing a slight gap between her teeth. He was awestruck.

He was not used to conversations with women.

He usually fouled things up.

He was determined not to put his foot in his mouth.

They talked about California, mainly San Francisco.

She seemed to enjoy his company as he talked about his job and she genuinely seemed fascinated. As the meal was finished and paid for, he took the opportunity to invite her for a walk. He wasn't expecting her to accept.

He was a stranger.

She accepted.

The walk led to more talking and then as the evening got later, he found himself wanting to walk her home.

She refused.

She did agree to meet him at the diner the next day.

He assumed it was her polite way of letting him know she was not interested. He knew that when he returned to the diner the next day, she would not be there but he pretended to play along. He thanked her for the company and left her.

She knew he had no intentions of returning to the diner but at least she would remember this evening. She knew that when she returned to the diner the next day, she would be dining alone.

They were both surprised when they each showed up on time…at the same time. They slid into the same table and ordered. The meal was followed by a walk for several blocks. This time she offered to walk him home. He smiled. They were actually not far from the hotel where he was staying.

He expected she would bolt the moment he mentioned hotel room but she followed. When they arrived, she boldly walked into the hotel with him. He expected her to refuse to go up to the room but she didn't. She stood nervously by his side. When they arrived at the door, he unlocked it and held it open for her. She stepped inside and stood in the middle of the room.

He offered her a drink but she declined. They both stood there not sure of the next move. He sat down in the chair and offered the other to her. She chose to stand near the window and look out.

If you feel more comfortable in the lobby, we could…"

"This is fine," she said.

The conversation dwindled from there. He stood when she moved from the window. When he was sure she was going to just walk out, she came and stood in front of him. They were mere inches apart.

"I've never done this before," she whispered.

"Me either. I mean just meeting someone and…"

He did not get to finish as she leaned in and kissed him. As soon as her lips met his, his arms circled around her body and pulled her close. Her mouth slipped open and he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss.

He figured she would stop there.

She didn't.

Her hands crept into his shirt untucking it and her hands caressed his chest. He could feel his senses reel from her touch. He told himself to go slow. He told himself that it was not the right thing to do but at the moment all he could think about was removing her clothing and making love to her.

They half stumbled to the bed as there was a mad flurry to remove each other's clothing. The room was already darkened and she flipped off the small lamp beside the bed. He didn't seem to mind. His hands still found what it sought. He suddenly was inside her and then all rational thought was removed as he found himself making love to her over and over. She gave herself to him until they each fell asleep. He pulled her up close to his body and kissed her lovingly. He knew it was crazy. He told himself over and over but his heart told him he loved her. He intended to tell her the next morning.

She was gone when he woke.

He quickly showered and dressed making his way down to the diner. He knew he was early but he did not care. He needed to see her. His stomach knotted when she did not come. He told himself it had meant more to her than a one night stand. It had to. He could not bear to think that he would never see her again.

He sat there late into the evening but she did not come. He told himself it was probably for the best but it did not make it feel any better. The next day he was back there waiting again. An hour went by and she did not show. He sighed and ordered a beer. His head shot up when he recognized her voice.

She had come.

She declined dinner. She did accept the walk again. He grasped her hand and held it as they walked. It was a nice warm day and yet she wore a long sleeved blouse. They took their usual route and he was surprised when she asked to come to his hotel. He made haste in walking there. As soon as the door shut behind him, he pulled her into an embrace. She seemed to tense up and he quickly released her.

"I'm sorry…did I hurt you?" he asked.

She shook her head. He was hesitant to touch her again so she once again initiated the lovemaking. Within minutes, they were writhing together. He thrust deeply and continued the pace until he felt her climax sending him over the edge himself.

"I waited for you yesterday," he said.

"I couldn't…come," she said softly.

He felt the wetness on his shoulder and he quickly turned to face her.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I just wanted to see you again," she said.

"That sounds like a goodbye," he said.

She said nothing as she pulled him tightly against her.

"Always want to remember this," she said.

"We need to talk…I think it's overdue," he said. "I wanted to wake up next to you the other morning so I could tell you…"

I can't come back here anymore," she said quickly.

"Why not?"

"It's…not right," she choked out.

"Not right?" he asked. He quickly switched on the light. He gasped when he saw the bruises.

"What happened?" he asked.

She looked down in horror and realized he had seen what she tried so hard to conceal.

"It's nothing," she said as she pulled up the sheet to cover her body.

"Like hell!" he said as he stared at them.

It was then he saw the faint shadow where he was sure a wedding band had once been worn. He reached for her hand and stared at it.

Their eyes locked.

She quickly grabbed for her clothes and ran into the bathroom. He took the opportunity to dress. His chest heaved.

He stood there looking out the window when she reappeared.

"Tell me you're divorced," he said.

She shook her head.

"Separated?" he asked.

Her head gently shook back and forth and he cursed.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he yelled.

"I uhm…don't know. I saw you...I was attracted to you…I uhm just wanted to…"

"Commit adultery!"

His words were like a slap in the face.

"I deserved that," she said. "I'm sorry…I uhm…"

He stared at her.

He stared at her really hard.

Underneath the tear streaked face and the bruises, lay a beautiful woman. He gulped. He wanted her even if she belonged to someone else.

"I didn't mean for this to happen…I just wanted to talk but then you were so kind and gentle and…." She looked away not proud of her actions nor the tears that streamed down her face. She was gone before he had time to think.

He stood there cursing.

He told himself to let her go.

He found himself running after her.

She had managed to make it out of the hotel and into the park before he caught up with her. He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into an embrace.

"Don't leave…not like this," he whispered. "Come back. We can talk."

"I can't. I have to get back," she said.

"Meet me at the diner tomorrow," he said. "Please."

He kissed her before she could reply. "Please."

He watched as she scurried away. He sat there feeling the knot inside his stomach tighten.

She was there already waiting when he arrived the next day. He took the liberty of ordering for both of them even though she had not wanted anything. He slid his hand across the table and took hers.

"We'll go back and talk after we eat," he said.

She nodded sadly.

He felt himself rehearsing what he needed to say.

He never in a million years would have ever thought he would be about to beg someone to break up their marriage. He remembered the bruises and told himself he would do anything to get her away from the man and into his bed permanently. They had intended to talk. They both sat there across from one another but as she began to cry, he found himself kneeling before her and then he was kissing her and loving her.

He held her naked body in his arms as he kissed her tenderly.

"I can't come tomorrow," she said.

"Leave him," he managed to get out.

"I can't," she said.

"Did he do that to you? Did he put those marks on you?" he asked.

She nodded.

He cursed.

"Leave him!"

She shook her head.

"Why not?"

"I can't…I won't ever be able to leave him," she said.

"I'll help you…Don't go back there…stay here," he said.

"I have a son," she blurted out. "I can't leave him."

He felt as though his gut had just been kicked.

"A son?"

"I won't be coming back," she sobbed. "I have to try to make it work. I can't take my son from his father…I can't do that."

It was not what he wanted to hear.

He wanted her.

He knew he never had her.

He watched as she dressed.

He sat there and did nothing when she leaned down and kissed him.

She slipped out of the door and out of his life.

He knew from the beginning he was setting himself up for a doozy of a heartache.

It hurt like hell.

Laura Sidle leaned back in the hospital bed and cried.

It still hurt after all these years.

Note from author:

I'm back. The first chapter was a flash back but the rest of the chapters will be based on the present. Please be kind and leave a review for each chapter. It is the reason I write even when I am sleep deprived.

Take care,

Penny


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two:**

She had been acting odd.

He couldn't put his finger on it but he knew something was wrong. He stood there and watched as she finished up the room and carried the evidence bags to the Denali. He could count the number of words she had spoken that evening on one hand. She did not appear to be mad.

She was sad.

She slid into the vehicle without saying a word.

He had gotten halfway to the lab when he pulled over.

"Want to tell me what's wrong?" he asked.

She wanted to.

She wanted nothing more than to do that but she knew she couldn't.

She couldn't begin to explain.

She would fall apart and he would see it.

He stared at her but she said nothing.

"Sara…"

"We should get this evidence back," she said.

"Come over after shift…we'll talk," he said.

She nodded.

She knew she wouldn't.

Her leave request was already sitting in his basket.

He would finally see it once they were back.

They had shared enough of her past. It had been just months ago when she had broken down and revealed the death of her father at the hands of her mother. He had held her hand and then her body as she slowly fell apart. She had not wanted to do that. It was not like her to let her emotions give way and show her weaker side.

It had always been there, especially where Grissom was concerned but she had never wanted to reveal it. Her emotions had gotten the better of her that day. Their relationship changed that night. They had become friends again. It was only recently that they had become lovers.

It had happened unexpectedly.

It had not been planned by either and now they were unsure how to proceed.

Grissom blamed himself.

He had followed her home after she had been attacked by Adam Trent. She had told him over and over she was fine but he had to see for himself just once more so he could sleep. One look at the tear stained face and he was pulling her into his arms.

He crossed the line.

His lips sought hers and then he was making love to her. It had been rushed and hurried and frenzied. They each needed release.

Once it was over, there was no turning back.

Everything had changed.

He didn't know the next step.

She thought she saw regret on his face and she decided to take matters in her own hands.

"You must be tired," she said.

He was.

They had pulled a double.

He thought he saw regret on her face and he decided to take matters in his own hands.

"We should get some sleep," he said.

She nodded.

He hesitated at the door. "You going to be okay?"

"I'm fine," she said.

That was that.

It had been weeks since that night and neither had brought it up.

Neither had admitted it had ever happened.

Neither had even offered to meet after work until tonight.

She knew the only reason he offered was because he felt sorry for her.

She did not want his pity.

She wanted his love.

She needed his love.

Right now, she needed to go home and fall apart.

It was long overdue.

She was gone by the time he had dug down into his in basket.

He pulled out the request slip and swallowed hard.

She had not asked off in months and now she wanted a week.

He picked up the phone and dialed her number.

She answered on the third ring.

"Sidle."

"You uhm didn't tell me about the leave request," he said.

"I need a week…maybe more," she said.

He felt his chest tighten.

He blamed himself.

"May I ask why?"

There it was.

The question she did not want to answer.

"I need to go back to Tomales Bay," she said.

"Job interview?" He had not meant for it to sound so business like. He knew exactly how it had come out. It was a supervisor asking an employee if she was seeking other job opportunities. It was a supervisor assessing the implications for the lab.

It was not how he had wanted it to sound. He wanted to ask the only person he had ever loved if he had lost her.

His pulse quickened.

"No…it's not about the job, Grissom."

His heart beat faster. She had misunderstood.

"Sara…"

"Have you signed it?" she asked.

"Yes."

She swallowed hard.

"Thanks," she said before hanging up.

She had already packed. Her suitcase had been sitting in her closet in case he had approved the leave. She saw no reason he would deny it. She grabbed her jacket with the suitcase and headed to the airport.

He sat outside her apartment and cursed when he did not see her car.

He knew she was gone.

He had hoped he would have been able to talk with her but now his chance was gone.

Sara left the airport terminal and stepped into the rental car. She glanced down at her watch and saw that she was running on time. She would arrive at the estimated time she had given the physicians. She breathed in deeply.

She had not seen her mother in years.

She had visited her when she had been released from prison and for her brother's funeral. She expected she would not see her again until her death. She swallowed once again. She had not been prepared for the phone call from the hospital. It had been brief.

_Your mother is in the hospital…_

_She has terminal cancer…_

_She has asked for you…_

It had hurt.

She had been battling cancer for a year and did not call for her until she was on her death bed. She felt angry at the loss. She listened to the physician's prognosis.

It was just a matter of time now.

She figured a week at the most.

It was the reason she had chosen to put a week on her leave request.

She sat there in the hospital room and stared at the IVs and wires. She had hoped to talk with her. She had wanted to say something to her. She wasn't sure what she wanted to say. It seemed so surreal.

The first day was not difficult. She had managed to sleep a little on the plane and now she sat immobile in the chair next to her bed for the last twenty four hours while her mother slept most of the time. She stood and stretched.

The second day was a little rough. Laura woke and recognized her. She wasn't sure but she seemed to want to talk. The pain medication prevented this was happening. As hard as she tried, she could not remain lucid enough to tell Sara what she needed to say. Sara felt relieved in a way. She was not sure how she would handle death bed confessions.

The third day was unbearable. Laura refused her medication and insisted on remaining awake so she could talk with Sara. She grabbed her hand and held on to it. Sara was not ready for the contact. It was too personal. It hurt. Laura began to talk while holding firm to her hand.

"You need to know the truth," Laura said.

"What truth?" she asked.

"I tried to hide it. I tried to protect you…from him. I think he kind of always knew. I'm not sure," she said in a ragged breath.

"What are you talking about?" asked Sara.

"John Sidle was not your father," she blurted out.

She looked at her mother in shock.

"I uhm…Sara you need to know that John Sidle was your step father…nothing more."

"I don't understand."

"I had an affair, Sara. I became pregnant…I knew John was not the father because we hadn't…it had been over a month when I realized I was pregnant with you. I hid the truth about your birth."

"Who…is my father?" asked Sara.

"I have a picture…it was taken one day in the park. It's all I have of him," she said.

"Why now? Why tell me this?" she asked sounding angry.

"I wanted you to know…I wanted you to know that your father was a kind and gentle man. It was the one time in my life where I felt loved and cherished. I loved him Sara. Even though I did not know him very long I loved him."

They stared at one another.

The fourth was the worst. She tried to remember any small detail about the man but her memory was diminished from the drugs. The pain was now unbearable and she cried out clinging to Sara's hand. It was more than Sara could take. She wanted it to stop. She did not want to be there anymore. She wanted to be back in her apartment in Las Vegas.

She could not remember when she slept. She would nod off only to be jerked awake from the endless hum of the machines. Her mother no longer clung to her. Her body was now succumbing to the cancer. Sara held her hand tightly. She held on even though her breathing slowed and the alarms were going off, and yet Sara continued to cling to her mother's hand. She held it until the nurse told her she was gone. She refused to believe it. There had not been enough time. She was not finished talking with her. There were questions that needed to be answered.

She stood there as they pulled the sheet over her mother's lifeless body. It was the moment her stomach began to revolt. She ran into the bathroom and attempted to empty her stomach but there were no contents to lose. She had eaten little since she had gotten there. She stepped out into the hallway and suddenly did not know what to do. She had practically lived at the hospital those past few days taking showers in her mother's room. Her suitcase still remained in the rental car. The nurses had given Sara the personal effects that belonged to her mother. Laura had insisted that Sara keep them along with instructions for her to get the will that was on the coffee table in her house and take anything she wanted.

She glanced down at the scribbled piece of paper that contained her mother's address. It was her next destination.

Note from author:

I think Sara needs Grissom. Let's move on to the next chapter quickly so we can do that…

P.S Glad I tricked some of you in the first chapter when I was talking about Laura and Sara's real father. By the way, it is so not Grissom! I had to say that since some questioned…

Take care,

Penny


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three:**

She unlocked the door and hesitantly stepped inside shutting the door behind her. She felt as if she were intruding. The house was neat. There were bills sitting on the coffee table as if her mother intended to return. The will set in a manila envelope along with a letter giving Sara power of attorney to resolve all matters related to her death. Her mother had been quite efficient. There was a burial policy made out to Sara along with written instructions for her funeral.

She did not want one. She merely wanted to be buried next to her parents. It would not be beside her dead husband, John Sidle. She took in every piece of furniture along with the photos on the wall. They were of Peter and Sara when they were children. Some she had forgotten. Some she wished she had. They only brought back bad memories. She finally ventured into her bedroom. On the dresser was a letter addressed to Sara. She held it tightly while she sat down on the edge of the bed.

_Dear Sara,_

_I've let so many years slip away from us. I never knew how to fix the mistakes I made. I made so many and it affected us all. John Sidle was once a good man. He tried to overcome his addiction to alcohol but couldn't. I was partially to blame. I allowed him to manage the finances when I knew he was not capable of doing so while intoxicated. It led to fights and eventually violence._

_I loved him, Sara. Part of me wanted to save him but I now know I couldn't. There was a demon he refused to face and he took it out on us when the pain was too great. He had gotten better after the birth of Peter and I thought we could make it. I soon found out that his anger had now turned toward me and I became his target. The first time he hit me, I was going to leave. I was going to grab Peter and run but he was remorseful and promised he would never do it again. It was right after I had an affair with your father. _

_We met by chance at a diner. He was in town for only a short period of time. I loved him Sara. He was a good man but I couldn't break up my marriage and take Peter away from John so I broke it off. If I had known that I was pregnant with you, I might have done something different. Time can be so cruel when looking back at our decisions. Know that I did try to find your father for a brief period of time. I wanted him to know. I thought he deserved to know. As time went by, I gave up any hope of finding him._

_I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I never meant to hurt you. Please take this information and do what you will. I wanted to leave this world knowing that I told you the truth and that you understood that you were conceived out of love…not hate. Be happy Sara. Find someone who is gentle and kind. Find someone and let go of the hurt baby. It's time to let go. Know that I have always loved you even if I was not the mother you deserved. I pray that someday you find him but even if you don't, you deserved to know that your father was a good man...not a man who drank, beat us and never showed his love to you. I blame myself for that. I think deep down John knew that you were not his._

_All my love,_

_Laura Sidle._

She felt the lump and she swallowed hard.

She was alone now.

John, the only father she ever knew, was gone.

Peter, her brother, was gone.

Laura, her mother, was now gone.

There was no one else left but Sara.

She told herself it should not hurt so much.

She had been alone for years.

She had never wanted more until she met Grissom.

She wanted him.

She curled up on the bed and felt her shoulders give way.

It had been too much.

She grabbed the pillow and breathed in deeply.

She had forgotten what her own mother smelled like.

She smelled of lavender.

Her mother had liked lavender and she never knew it.

She wondered if that was why she liked lavender herself.

She would never know.

Their chance of mother and daughter were gone.

She ignored the ringing.

She wasn't even sure what it was until it continued again and again.

She glanced at the caller ID.

It was Grissom.

She was not ready to face him.

She let it roll over to voicemail.

She wasn't sure when she slept.

She woke to the sound of the phone.

She flipped it open without thinking.

"Sara?"

It was his voice.

Her resolve broke once again.

"Sara, what's wrong?" he asked suddenly.

"I need more time," she said. "I need another week."

"You have it. Tell me what's wrong?" he asked.

"My uhm mother died," she managed to get out.

He was not prepared for that.

"Where are you?"

"I'm here at her house…she died last night…I was holding her hand and she died."

"Sara, give me the address," he said softly.

She rattled it off.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"No, I'm not."

Alarms went off in his head.

"I'm coming," he said. "Stay there."

She couldn't go anywhere else.

She could barely move at the moment.

She lay there for hours letting the sadness overtake her.

Hours went by and yet she lay there on the bed.

The knocking on the door did not even make her budge.

The knocking continued over and over until it stopped.

Her phone rang.

She glanced at the caller ID.

It was Grissom again.

She slipped it open.

"Sara?"

"Still here," she said softly.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

"You're here?" she whispered.

"I've been knocking," he said.

She struggled to get off the bed and made her way to the door. She unlocked it and practically fell into his arms. He held her tight as she let go. He managed to get them to the couch as he held her racking body. There was no comforting her. It needed to be done. She needed to grieve. He let her. Once her sobs slowed, he gently kissed her on the forehead.

"I'm sorry Sara. If you had told me I would have come with you," he said.

"You couldn't," she said matter of fact.

"Yes, I could," he said.

"You're my boss and I'm your…" she didn't finish but decided to cry for more than just the loss of her mother. She was grieving for a relationship that could never be.

"Sara…"

"I have to make arrangements," she said finally sitting back as she swiped at her eyes. She looked at his shirt that was now wrinkled and wet. Her hands instinctively went out and tried to smooth one of the wrinkles. "Sorry," she whispered.

"I'm glad I came. What can I do to help?"

He had helped.

He had held her while she fell apart.

Now, she needed to get up and finish what she set out to do.

She picked up the manila envelope and poured out the contents.

"I need to notify the hospital to have my mother's…" she choked on the word "body". She cleared her throat and tried once again. "They need to send it to this funeral home for burial…she didn't want a funeral."

"I have to notify this real estate agency she picked out…she said they would sell the house for me…in case I didn't want to keep it…I don't."

"I have to go through her personal belongings and then send the rest to a charity she listed."

"I'll make the phone calls. You go through the things…I'll locate some boxes…"

"She uhm did that already. They're in the hallway. She's been planning this for some time…a year. She put everything in order except…" she stopped again. She was tired of falling apart.

"I'll start," she said getting up.

"Sara?"

She turned and looked at him.

"When was the last time you've eaten?"

"Eaten?"

He frowned.

"I'll go out and get you something," he offered.

"I couldn't hold it down…maybe later."

She turned and disappeared.

He began the phone calls.

Once he was done, he took time to look at the photos on the walls. He had never seen any photos of Sara as a child. The same big brown eyes stared out of the photos as if they were watching him. He traced his hand along the side of her face on the photo. She had been a beautiful child. He took the photos off the walls and stacked them on the coffee table. He turned and went into the hallway for a box. He glanced into the bedroom and saw that three boxes sat on the bed. She stood there holding a photo album.

"Find something?" he asked.

"I didn't know she kept these," she said. "I mean I knew the personal things from our house had been removed and placed with a relative but I never knew she managed to get them back. I never had any contact with any other family members. Services said there were no relatives available for placement."

"Maybe they couldn't take you but at least they held the things for your mother until she was released."

"She was in prison for five years…by the time she got out Peter was an adult and I was graduating from high school. She never tried to get me…I guess she figured it was too late…you know I was turning eighteen."

"Did you have any contact with her?" he asked.

"She came to Peter's funeral. He uhm died of an overdose."

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

"He took up drugs rather than the bottle…it's all the same."

He nodded slightly.

She stuffed the album down in the box and continued. Hours went by and she finished the bedroom. Grissom had boxed away all of the photos on the walls and turned his attention to the extra bedroom. He opened it and stared.

"Sara, you should look at this," he said.

She came and stood in the doorway.

The room had been made out into an office. One side contained photos and newspaper clippings. It was Sara's life displayed on the walls. She stared at a newspaper clipping of the unit. It was right after a high profile case. She was standing near Grissom. There was another clipping of her and Brass outside the courthouse after another high profile case. It was just after she and Brass had become close. The photographer had caught them smiling at one another. She kept the same clipping on her fridge.

"Looks like she had been keeping track of you…from a distance," he said. She stared at the high school and college graduation photos along with copies of papers she had gotten published in a couple of journals. Every accomplishment was recorded there. Sara stifled a sob. She was through crying but she felt as if she was going to stop breathing.

"She never told me," she said.

"She was proud of you," he said.

He picked up some boxes and placed them on the desk in the room.

"Don't! I don't want any of it," she said quickly and fled the room.

He heard the back door open and shut. He quickly followed and found her sitting on the steps. He sat down beside her as she swiped at her eyes. His arm wrapped around her shoulders.

"She never told you, did she?" he asked.

"No phone calls, no letters…I just figured she didn't know where I lived…what I was doing…she knew all along," she said angrily.

"Did you try to contact her?" he asked.

She hadn't.

She had not tried, not even once.

"Sara, she probably thought you didn't want to hear from her. She probably thought you had moved on…"

"Conjecture is all we'll ever have…she's gone. She waited until she was dying to call me. She knew how to reach me and yet she didn't…until it was too late."

She stood and returned inside. He listened as she began packing the things again. He returned to the other room and began placing the things in boxes ignoring her request to leave them behind. The boxes were neatly stacked up against the wall. There were a total of ten boxes. Her mother's life was in those ten boxes. It was her only connection to the family that was now gone.

Grissom sealed the boxes and then had them shipped back to Vegas. He did not bother to tell her he had sent them to Brass with instructions to keep them until they returned.

The house was done.

She stared as if searching for something.

"You want to keep any of the furniture?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"I guess we're done," she said.

"I checked us into a hotel," he said.

She nodded slightly.

He had noticed the suitcase in the rental car and by the looks of her, she had not slept much. By her appearance, she had done very little to care for herself. Her hair was pulled back into a pony tail from the shower and the dark circles were now more visible. She was tired but she did not let on. He could not imagine when she had eaten last.

"You ready to go?" he asked.

She nodded but then stopped. "Wait." She hurried into the bedroom and returned with a garment bag. "She wanted to wear this...I'll need to drop it off at the funeral."

"I'll do that. I don't think we need two rentals," he said. "Why don't you return yours and I'll swing by and pick you up."

She nodded.

Her energy was fading.

He was glad the funeral home was on the way. He slipped in and made sure the arrangements were completed and dropped off the outfit. She had just stepped out of the rental place when he pulled up. She slid into the front seat and leaned back.

He thought she had fallen asleep on the way to the hotel room but when he pulled up she opened the door. He guided her to the room with his hand on her elbow. He unlocked the door and they stepped inside. He glanced to see her reaction when there was only one bed but she said nothing.

"I'll get the bags," he said.

He disappeared but returned shortly. She stood there not sure of what to do. He went into action pulling down the covers and then sat her on the bed and removed her shoes.

"You need to sleep," he said.

She did not protest.

She was exhausted.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked.

She shook her head.

He started to get up when she reached for his hand and latched on to it. He leaned down and kissed her gently as he slipped off his shoes and slid in beside her. She immediately sought his warmth. She was asleep within minutes. He lay there holding her reeling in the feel of her next to him. He had missed her body. He wanted nothing more than to make love to her but knew that it was not what she needed. She needed sleep and then food. Soon they would have to face the burial. He quietly slipped out of the bed after a few hours and grabbed his phone stepping out into the balcony to call.

"Been waiting for you to call," said Brass. "How is she?"

"Not good."

"No one knows you're with her. Things have been pretty quiet even with both of you gone."

"I sent some boxes to you. Hold them for her."

"No problem."

"We scheduled the burial for tomorrow and then we'll book a flight."

"She never mentioned anything about her mom being sick," said Brass.

"Sara didn't know. I think it's part of the reason she's taking this so hard. Her mother never had any contact with her until she knew she was dying."

"What kind of woman does that to a child?" sneered Brass.

"Laura Sidle loved Sara…there's no doubt about that. I think she let the past get in the way of letting Sara know that."

"Well, the kid needed her. She's had no one all these years."

"You're a good friend to her Jim."

"What are you to her?" asked Brass now wanting to know what possessed Grissom to fly out to Tomales Bay to be there with her. It was not like him. He had often told him he did not want a relationship with Sara because it was not right and yet there he was. He knew how much Grissom's rejections had hurt Sara in the past. He did not want that to continue.

"I'm a friend," said Grissom softly.

"Don't hurt her. Don't let her lean on you and then…"

"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

"Look, I can come out there. If you're afraid someone is going to find out…"

"I'm not leaving."

"Where is she staying?"

Grissom fidgeted.

"We're staying at a hotel. She's sleeping."

"Separate room I hope."

Grissom did not reply.

He could hear Brass cursing.

"You're going to hurt her again."

"I'm…"

"Stop playing games with her. Stop letting her think there's something between you when you know you're never going to let her in. She deserves to be happy. She deserves to find someone…"

"I think she's waking," said Grissom quickly.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"Remember what I said. Leave her alone."

He could not promise that.

"Let me know how the lab is," he said before hanging up.

Note from author:

Thanks for leaving a review for each chapter. It means a lot. Now before anyone asks how long is the story, I will tell you it is not finished…I am on chapter thirty two and I am nowhere near an ending…I need to finish this so I will post a few chapters each day. I hope to finish this before I leave for my next trip. I so need to recover from the last one…if that is possible.

Take care,

Penny


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four:**

He closed the phone and stepped back into the room taking his place once again. It felt good to hold her. She whimpered slightly and he pulled her closer. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep. Hours passed and he woke to find her still curled up next to him. He gently pulled himself out of her grasp and called room service.

When the food arrived, he set it on the table in the room and gently woke her. She seemed startled at first as she reached for him but once finding an empty bed she rose quickly. He took her hand and kissed the palm.

"I'm sorry. You need to eat," he said.

They sat across from one another as they ate. Little was said as she picked at the food.

"Don't like it?" he asked.

"No, it's good."

"You're not eating," he pointed out.

She ate taking a few bites now and then.

He felt better when he saw the food slowly disappear.

"The burial is in the morning," he said quietly.

She nodded.

"I thought I would book us a flight back afterwards," he said.

She stared at him.

"If you want to stay another day…"

"You should go back," she said.

He felt a bit uneasy.

"I can stay…"

"It wouldn't look right…us both on the same flight…arriving at the same time. You've risked enough coming here," she said.

"Sara…"

"I need to do some things," she said.

"I'll stay and help," he offered.

She shook her head.

The uneasiness grew momentum.

"Want to tell me why?"

Their eyes locked.

"I appreciate what you did…you didn't have to…I'm glad you did but I'm going to be fine. I can finish this. You could fly back this evening or in the morning…you don't have to come to the burial…"

"I'm not leaving. I want to be with you," he blurted out rather loudly.

A small smile appeared on her face but soon disappeared.

"You don't have to feel obligated just because we…" she stopped. They had not mentioned that night. She suddenly felt very vulnerable. It had not been a mistake to her. It had been everything she ever wanted. She just had not been prepared for his feelings of regret. She stood now unsure on what to do. The room now seemed very small and there was no place to hide. She knew she was a mess. Her mother's death had hurt her more than she was willing to accept and yet she felt the loss of their relationship even more. She had not given herself time to grieve over that. It was done. It was finished before it even began and she would have to accept that. He was being a gentleman and helping a friend in need.

_Find someone gentle and kind…_

_Be happy…_

She didn't think that was possible anymore.

She felt his arms around her now and she told herself to not let herself fall apart again.

He had to be tired of seeing her so weak.

She knew it was not what he liked.

He was attracted to strong and beautiful women…like Lady Heather.

She was neither.

She felt very weak and plain.

He turned her around still holding her as he dipped down and kissed her. She had not meant to react. She had meant to return the thoughtful kiss, much like she did with the guys. There was nothing behind the kiss she was sure but then his tongue darted out and she opened her mouth and he was there inside her. Her tongue entwined with his and she was gasping for air as he plunged deeper and deeper.

She could not seem to stop herself when she tugged on his shirt sending it to the floor along with her blouse and then the bottoms and then there was nothing between them. She felt her body being lowered to the bed and let herself relax soaking in the warmth radiating from his body as it positioned itself mere inches from hers.

She could feel his body hovering about hers and the intensity sent chills down her back. She wanted him inside her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he plunged deeply causing her to arch her body toward him as he continued his assault again and again until they climaxed. It was the wetness on her cheeks that caused him alarm. He was not prepared for that reaction.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I shouldn't have…"

"Not your fault…mine. I just needed this….so sorry," she managed to get out as she pulled away from him.

He felt helpless.

He had hurt her.

He felt as if he had taken advantage of her situation to pleasure himself.

He cursed inwardly.

"Sara, I never meant…"

She knew that.

He was just a man.

She had practically offered herself to him and he had done what any man would have and taken her. They had pleasured each other. There was no doubt about that. The sex had been great. It was not sex she sought. She wanted love and inwardly she knew she had just made love to him even if it was just sex to him.

"I think I've made a mess of our relationship," he said.

The words cut like a knife.

She swallowed the emotions threatening to erupt.

"No…you didn't. My fault…you were just trying to help me…you should go," she said. "You don't have to stay."

He didn't want to leave.

He wanted to be there with her.

He wanted to comfort her.

He wanted to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay.

He wanted to make love to her again.

"Sara…"

"I'll be at work in…three days," she said. "I'll try to make it up to the team…work doubles…"

"I'm staying."

She wasn't sure if she was relieved or upset but she felt herself nodding.

He was sure he was relieved.

"What do you need me to do?" he asked.

"Do?"

"You said you had some things to do before you could leave. What is it?"

She didn't want to tell him.

She didn't want to stand there and tell him her mother not only killed the only father she had ever known but she had cheated on him and her father was out there somewhere. She only had a first name and it was Andy. There was the matter of the picture but it had been taken over thirty two years ago. Her mother had tried to locate him but had come up empty handed.

The possibility that she would be able to find him was highly improbable but she found herself needing to try. She wanted to see if the diner still existed and sit there where they had sat. She wanted to walk the same blocks and sit in the same park. She wasn't sure why but she needed this.

She turned now and he was watching her. She licked her lips trying to find the words but couldn't.

"Okay," he said. "Can I tag along…no questions asked?"

She could do that.

They took a walk around the hotel and it felt good to get out for awhile. They found a small coffee shop and stepped inside for awhile. Little was said between them but the uneasiness was now gone, replaced with a sense of togetherness.

It was late when they returned to the hotel room. She slipped into the bathroom to take a shower. He knew the morning was going to be rough. Once she was out, she sat there on the sofa while he showered. Her phone had been turned off since Grissom arrived. She had left it on only for him. His phone rang and she stared at it. She glanced at the caller ID and saw that it was Brass. She picked it up.

"Hey," she said softly.

"You're not Grissom but then that's even better," he said. "How are you doing Kiddo?"

"I'm good," she lied.

"No, you're not. I wish I was there," he said.

There was a silence.

"Is he treating you okay?" he asked.

"He's been very helpful…not sure I could have done it without him," she admitted.

"Good."

He felt relieved.

"You need to talk with him?" she asked. "He's uhm in the shower."

The relief disappeared.

"I was just checking on you," he said.

"Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks," she said quietly.

"Get some sleep," he said.

Grissom stepped out of the bathroom just as she closed the phone.

"Brass," she said.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

"Yes…He just called to check on me."

He smiled slightly.

She pulled back the covers and slipped into bed. He flipped off the lights and she felt the bed give when he joined her. There seemed to be a huge space between them. She rolled onto her side and curled up. He took the opportunity to roll to his side so he could look at her. Even in the darkened room he could make out her frame. He thought she had dozed off but then there was the slight shaking of the bed as she cried.

He said nothing but slid over to her side and pulled her body up next to his. His arms locked around her and he kissed her gently on the head. He could sense she was upset but he said nothing but let her mourn. His hands rubbed her arms and then slid down past her hips bringing the gown upward. His hands then touched bare skin and it settled there on her thigh. The sensation was overpowering but she remained still not wishing to start anything he would just regret in the morning.

He held her throughout the night and was relieved when she finally fell asleep. He wiped away the moisture from her cheeks and she released a slight hiccup which caused his chest to tighten. She had tried to be strong all afternoon but failed miserably. He was glad when she cried knowing that she should not hold it in like she had done so many times in the past. His friend's words echoed in his head.

He had never meant to hurt her in the past but he knew his actions had. Grissom pulled her closer to him when he heard a soft whimper. He stroked her hair as if comforting a child while he prepared himself mentally for the morning. He wasn't sure what she was planning to do once the burial was over. He only knew he did not want her out of his sight.

Note from author:

Grissom is doing just fine…sort of…at least for him any way. I know the communication issue…thanks for the reviews. I am still writing the ending while recovering from the trip. I hope to finish soon so I can tell you how many chapters. P.S. the story will not stem around the search for her father as you will soon learn…you know me and twists.

Take care,

Penny


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five:**

Morning came and he woke to find she had already showered and dressed. She sat on the couch staring at something. It appeared to be a photo she held. She seemed rested but she was quiet as if she were deep in thought.

"Morning," he said softly.

She turned and smiled.

"You're up early," he said.

"I couldn't sleep any longer," she said.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Better," she lied.

He nodded as he stepped into the bathroom to get ready. When he stepped out he glanced around the room and noticed she was gone. He noticed a photo lying on the couch and he

picked it up. It was an old photo of a young couple taken in a park. He glanced up when the door opened and she stood there juggling two coffee cups. She walked over and handed him a

cup. She took the photo from his hand and slipped it into her pocket.

"My mother…and my father," she said.

Grissom nodded.

He glanced at his watch.

"We have time for breakfast," he said.

"I couldn't eat," she said.

"Sara, you have to…"

She looked at him.

"Just toast," he said as he guided her out the door.

They found a small diner nearby and they sat there now eating breakfast. He watched as she had managed to eat some toast and nibbled on a fruit bowl.

"What do you want to do after the burial?" he asked.

"I wanted to see if I could locate a diner," she said.

She rattled off the general location.

"Some place you used to go?" he asked as he sipped on his coffee.

She shook her head.

He remembered he had agreed to tag along without any questions.

"Sorry. Old habits. I won't ask any more questions," he said.

She grinned slightly.

"I uhm really do appreciate what you've done," she said.

His hand found hers and he squeezed it.

"I'm glad I could help."

The drive to the cemetery was done in silence. The funeral director was already waiting and the casket was in place. A few words were said and then Sara watched as the casket was

lowered. The men stood and waited for Sara to leave but she could not seem to bring herself to walk away. She glanced over and saw the names of her grandparents. His hand took hold of

her elbow and she felt herself being led away.

They returned to the car and he reached to open the door when she began walking away. He stood and watched as she made her way through the head stones. He shut the door and

followed. She walked through the endless maze of graves glancing up every now as if looking for a particular marker. She finally stopped and stood before two graves with the name, Sidle.

She felt his hand slide into hers.

"John and Peter Sidle."

She stood there in silence for a moment until she spoke again. "I remember the funeral…the social worker brought me. Mom wasn't allowed to come. Peter came. He uhm was angry…told

the social worker I shouldn't have been brought. I had seen enough. He said the man did not deserve to have anyone present at his funeral…he just came to make sure he was really dead.

Peter hated him."

"Did you?"

She shook her head.

"Not even when he beat me. I didn't hate him. I just wanted him to love me. He uhm never did and I never could understand why until now."

"Alcohol can poison a mind," he said softly. "I'm sure he loved you…"

"No, he didn't. He used to look at me and get so angry…I never understood. I just tried to be good…not get in any trouble, do what I was told, be the best in anything or everything at

school hoping that I would make him proud…but he never was."

She swallowed hard.

"Peter tried to protect me. He uhm would draw his attention away from me when he had been drinking too much…he knew."

"Knew what?"

"He knew my father hated me." She folded her arms as she turned and walked away.

Grissom stared at the headstone and then hurried to catch up with her.

They said nothing more as they got into the car and drove away. Once they were out of the cemetery, he drove toward the direction of the park. Once it was in sight, he parked and turned toward her.

"You up to this?" he asked.

She nodded.

They got out and began walking through the park. He remembered the photo and began looking for the same landmarks in the photo. He grabbed her arm when he spotted them. He

pointed in that direction and they began walking. She stopped and pulled out the photo. She stared at the landscape and then the photo.

"Same spot?" he asked.

"Yes."

He smiled. She found a bench nearby and sat down. They seemed content to just sit there side by side while they watched the people in the park. A dog came running up to Sara wagging

his tail and she stroked his fur. He rewarded her with a sloppy tongue up and down her hands. She smiled.

"He likes you," said Grissom.

"I like dogs," she said.

"Ever had one?"

She shook her head. "We were not allowed to have pets inside the inn."

"I never had one either…my mother wouldn't let me."

They grinned at one another.

"Want to go look for that diner now?" he asked.

They began walking through the park. Her mother's words replayed in her head and she tried to take the same path that they had taken all those years ago. Things had changed. The park

had added a few statues and there was now a fountain where they used to sit on a park bench. She still stopped to pause as if trying to catch a glimpse of the past. They suddenly found

themselves on the other side of the park and across the street was a small diner. They made their way to the entrance.

"Think this is it?"

"Same location," she said as she stepped inside. She counted the number of booths and then sat down in one glancing out the window to see the park.

Grissom sat down across from her and picked up a menu.

They sat now eating in the same spot that had been so vividly described by Laura.

"Any place else?" he asked.

She wasn't sure.

She had not been back to the inn since her mother had killed John Sidle. She knew the hotel where the man had stayed but nothing else. Once lunch was over, they stepped outside and

stood on the sidewalk. She looked in both directions before turning to the right. With each building she passed, she secretly hoped the inn would be gone. She kept her eyes on the cracks

in the sidewalk glancing up every now and then to see how far they had walked. She felt a tightness in her chest the moment she looked up and saw the inn.

She stood there and stared at it.

It had not changed much except it looked prettier. It had fresh paint on the exterior and the flowers around the inn were in full bloom. She saw that it was no longer an inn. She stepped

toward the entrance placing one foot on the first step before stopping. She turned, intending to leave but a voice called out.

"Hello."

Sara and Grissom turned to see an elderly woman kneeling down tending to a rose bush.

"I'm sorry. I uhm used to live here several years ago," said Sara.

The woman smiled. "My husband and I have owned this for more than fifteen years. It used to be an inn."

Sara nodded.

"When did you live here?" she asked.

"Twenty years ago," said Sara as she headed down the sidewalk.

"Wait…could you tell me a little about the house then?" asked the woman.

Sara hesitated for a moment and then glanced at Grissom.

"Come inside for a cup of tea…I don't get many visitors these days," she said. "We can talk there."

"I uhm…" Sara glanced back at the house. She wasn't sure if she could step back inside there. She turned and stared at the front porch and remembered sitting on the porch swing watching

as they carried her father's body out.

The woman started to get up and Sara quickly came to her aid.

"Thanks dear," she said. "I never know when my knees are going to give out. It's not fun getting old. Your mind is just as sharp as when you were a young girl but your body isn't."

She smiled at Sara making her return the smile.

"Come inside with your husband and let's chat."

Sara quickly glanced at Grissom. "We're uhm not married," she blurted out.

The old woman just smiled and winked. "What is it they call it these days? In my day it was beau but now I think they call it boyfriend or live in or whatever…I'm not up with the times."

They grinned at her.

The woman walked up the steps and turned. "Please come inside. I just made a nice batch of cookies and Henry is not supposed to have too many."

"I'm sorry. I didn't introduce myself," said the old woman. "My name is Peggy Roberts. My husband Henry is out walking the town. He does that every day."

"I'm Sara and this is…Gil."

Peggy stepped into the house and held the screen door open for them. Sara took in a deep breath and took her first step into the house. She immediately felt his warm hand at the small of

her back gently guiding her inside. It was comforting.

"Take a seat over there. I'll just be a minute," she said. "Look around if you want Sara. I don't mind."

Sara looked around the room. The walls were brightly painted with a flower wallpaper print along the chair railing. The room did not look the same and it made her feel better as she told

herself it was not the same house she had lived in. She sat down on the couch with Grissom by her side.

The woman returned with a tray. Grissom stood up and took it from her. He set it down on the table as Peggy proceeded to pass out the cups.

"Does it look different?" she asked to Sara.

"Yes…better."

"My husband and I worked on the house for two years. It had gotten in a sad state while it sat vacant for a few years. We lived across town but when we drove through here we would

always admire the house. When it became vacant, we were saddened to see it sit idle for so long. A few windows were broken out by kids. We located the realtor and purchased it."

Sara nodded sipping on her tea.

"You uhm didn't tell me your last name?" asked Peggy.

"Sidle," said Sara.

The woman stared at her.

"Your parents owned the house before we did," she said.

Sara nodded.

"I'm sorry," said Peggy suddenly. "The realtor told us what happened. It was the reason why the house remained vacant for so long…no one would buy it."

Sara nodded once more as her hand gripped the cup tightly.

"Thank you for inviting us," said Sara. "We should go."

"Wait. There's a box in the attic with some things that were left. You should have them."

"No! That's not necessary," said Sara standing.

"My husband is the only person who goes up there," she said. "The first time he cursed cause he didn't duck."

Sara grinned. "The overhang…I remember. It never bothered me cause I was short…then."

"Come and look at the rest of the house," Peggy offered.

Sara's hand trembled.

Grissom noticed.

"Sara?" he said squeezing her hand.

"It's fine," she said turning toward him.

"If you don't mind, I would like to go upstairs and see my old room."

Peggy smiled. "Come with me."

They stood. Peggy motioned for Sara to lead and she stepped forward. She walked to the staircase and climbed to the top of the stairs. She passed the first room and stopped looking inside.

"My brother Peter slept here," she said. She proceeded to the next room and stopped. She stepped inside.

"This was mine." She went over and looked out the window. The tree that once stood outside was now gone. The room was a bright yellow now with a border at the top. It was warm and cheery.

"The guests stayed on the second floor and part of this one…we were never fully booked."

"The entrance to the attic is over there," said Peggy. "But you already knew that."

"Yes…I used to play up there," said Sara.

_And hide when he drank too much…_

_And when the fighting began…_

_I had just come down when it happened…_

_Peter yelling at me to go upstairs…_

_Mom screaming…_

_Blood everywhere…_

_My father dying on the floor…_

_The smell of copper in the air…_

_The kettle whistling…_

"Sara?" Grissom called her once more.

"Hmmm?"

"You want me to go up and get the box?"

"No…I can do it."

She walked to the end of the hall and opened a small door displaying a set of stairs that led up to the attic.

"The door was locked for a long time…never knew it went to the attic until one day we found a key downstairs."

Sara walked up the stairs and stood. She turned and found Grissom behind her. It was still the same. Time had done little to change it except for a few boxes sitting on the side of the room

along with a chair and some other odds and ends furniture. There was a small desk near the window and she found herself drawn to it. She walked over and stood there tracing her fingers

over the carving on the desk. Grissom came over and looked at it.

"Did you do that?" he asked.

"I used Peter's pocket knife to carve my name into it…I cut my finger when it slipped."

Sara saw the box sitting beside the desk and opened it. There were more photos as well as a scrapbook of some sort.

"Did you spend a lot of time up here?" he asked.

She nodded with arms folded as she went down on bended knee to look out the small window. The view was the same but now it was through the eyes of a woman rather than a young

girl. He watched as she seemed to drift away in thought.

"Were you up here when it happened?" he asked. They had talked about that fateful day when he had come to her apartment determined to find out why she had exploded on Catherine

and Ecklie. While she spoke about the aftermath of the stabbing that led to the death of her father, she did not tell him the details leading up to the event.

"They had been fighting for most of the night and it continued until that morning," she said keeping her eyes fixed on the outside world through the small window. "When they would fight

Peter would send me up here…locking the door and hiding the key so my father couldn't get up here. He uhm didn't lock it that day…he had been staying at a friend's house…he didn't know

they had been fighting or he would have come home. I uhm came up here as soon as the fighting began. I could hear him below searching the bedrooms and yelling for me…so I hid over

there in the corner behind some boxes. He uhm came up here but didn't see me so he went back downstairs to continue the fight with my mother. I don't remember what time it was when I

finally made my way back downstairs. I went to the bathroom and then downstairs. I thought he was gone or had passed out. He uhm caught me in the kitchen and…I had never seen him

so angry…he kept yelling that he knew it all along…he knew…he called my mother a slut and that he planned to take Peter and leave. My mother refused saying Peter was going nowhere

without her. I couldn't imagine Peter going with dad…he hated him. He grabbed my wrist and I screamed…I thought he was going to break it…he did."

She stopped for a moment trying to distance herself from the memory.

"I remember my mother pushing him back and he fell. I was too scared to move…he ordered me to stay put. He got up and it was then that my mother picked up the butcher knife out of the

knife holder. He didn't think she would stab him and began laughing…she had never fought back before. I stood there and watched as she plunged the knife over and over. He was

surprised the first and second time but then he kept walking toward us and she just kept stabbing and stabbing."

She paused again.

"The blood…his blood was everywhere. Peter ran into the back door and saw what had happened. The neighbors had heard the commotion and called the police. Peter yelled for me to go

upstairs but I couldn't. I couldn't move. He was lying there still breathing…I lost count after fifteen stabs…he was still breathing. I saw the look of horror on his face as he struggled to

breathe. My mother was kneeling by his side in a pool of blood. I couldn't hear the police siren over her screams."

"They uhm took me out and put me in the ambulance. They thought I had been stabbed because there was so much blood on my clothing. I hadn't noticed until the medic kept asking where

it hurt and I just held up my wrist."

Sara stood and practically ran into him. He took the opportunity to reach out and hold her. She did not pull away but accepted his warm gesture.

"I'll carry the box down," he said.

She glanced around one more time and then returned downstairs.

"Thanks for keeping the box," she said.

"I had hoped someone would come for it," she said.

Sara and Grissom said their goodbyes and headed back to their vehicle. Once inside, Grissom glanced at his watch.

"Where to next?"

She sighed.

She was done.

She no longer wanted to be there in Tomales Bay.

"Home…back to Vegas."

Note from author:

I finished the story and am now finishing up with the epilogue. Yeah! I think it will be thirty eight chapters long. I will give you the ten chapter warning as always. I have enjoyed reading the reviews. Please keep them coming! I post after so many reviews come in…

Take care,

Penny


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six:**

She looked tired and exhausted.

"We uhm can't get a flight out until morning…let's go back to the hotel."

She nodded.

She said very little as they walked into the hotel. She stepped into the bathroom and he heard the shower running. He called room service and ordered dinner. When she stepped out, she

seemed better. She had just curled up on the bed when the food arrived. They sat in bed and ate while they scanned the channels on the television. Once she finished eating, she buried

herself under the covers to sleep. She didn't object when he booked them for the same flight. She was too tired to argue.

He worried about her. It had not been easy to go back into that house after she had witnessed such a horrific scene. He tried to imagine what it had been like for her to see such a thing. He

reached out and pulled up the covers before turning out the light. It had been several hours since she had fallen asleep when he was awakened by her nightmare. She sat straight up in

the bed panting as if she was having a panic attack. His fingers slightly touched her hand and she jumped.

"Sara?"

"Just a dream," she whispered.

"About that day?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Come here," he said pulling her body up against his. She said nothing but let him comfort her. She needed it at the moment. His hand stroked her hair as he kissed her gently on the

forehead. She turned her body into his as her lips brushed gently against his. His hands sought out her body and he felt her tremble.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

"Just hold me," she whispered.

The flight was uneventful. They sat side by side. She said little as she stared out the window. Once the plane landed, they went their separate ways. Sara seemed quiet although she

turned again and thanked him for coming to help. He had given her the night off but she came into work anyway picking up an assignment and heading out the door before he could say

much to her. She was glad to be working solo.

Although they meant well, the constant stream of condolences did little to help her get her mind off her mother's death and the revelation she had confessed on her death bed. She looked

up and found Brass standing above her. He smiled slightly but said nothing as she continued to work. Once the scene was completed, she headed to her vehicle and found him waiting

there.

He stood there but said nothing.

She loved him.

He knew what she needed.

The last thing she needed was another reminder of where she had been so he did not say anything but reached out and hugged her before walking away. She logged in the evidence and

then sat there at her desk as she attempted to go through her files. Her mind was not on her work at the moment and she cursed at herself. It was not like her to let her personal life get in

the way. She skipped eating once she got home and opted to go through the many boxes that had been sent to Brass's residence while she was away. He had dropped them off at her

request.

There was nothing new.

She thought that if she went through the information she would find some additional clue.

She didn't.

She cursed.

She didn't know why she had become obsessed with it.

Perhaps, it was because she needed to see him.

She needed to know that he was a kind and gentle man.

She remembered John Sidle and her stomach churned.

He had been mean and cruel.

Even his own son had hated him.

She didn't until she found out he was not her father.

Now, she hated him and it hurt.

She had never hated someone before.

It was consuming.

She stared at the mess she had made and sighed.

It would be another sleepless day before shift.

Once the mess was put back in the boxes, she sat there on the couch and stared at the photo.

_Let it go Sara…_

_I can't let it go…_

_Okay treat it like a case…_

_Just the facts…_

_His name is Andy…_

_He was in the military…_

_He would be in his late fifties…_

_He was gentle and kind…_

_That was her words…_

_She also said John Sidle was a good man…_

_Shit..._

_Why can't I let this go…_

She practically rolled off the couch from the sound of the cell.

She grabbed it quickly and opened it.

"Sidle"

"We have a case," he said.

"I'm on it."

"Have you slept?"

"I just need a shower," she said.

"I'll call Nick," he said.

"I'm up. I'll be there in less than an hour," she said.

"I'll pick you up. It's on the way," he said.

She was surprised.

He had never asked to pick her up at her apartment.

She was sure he was checking to see if she was drinking again.

"Don't bother. I'll drive there. Just give me the directions," she said.

"I'll be there in thirty minutes," he said.

She heard the phone click and she cursed.

She jumped up from the couch and hit her knee on the edge of the table causing her to cry out in pain. It brought her back down on the couch immediately.

She sat there watching the bruise appear.

It was a nasty one.

She stood and felt the knee object to the weight but she ignored it as she limped to the shower. She kept it still as she showered. She dressed quickly and had just finished when he

knocked on the door. She took a deep breath and opened the door.

"No coffee?" he asked.

She stared at him.

"I'll get it," she said as she turned and headed to the kitchen.

He noticed the limp.

"What happened?" he asked quickly.

"Table," she pointed.

"Let me take a look at it," he said.

"No need. It's just a bruise," she said as she started the coffee.

He glanced at the opened boxes.

"Coffee is almost done. Where are we going?" she asked.

"Desert. Body was dumped about a mile off the main highway. Some teenagers on motorcycles found it."

_Great…_

_Just great…_

_A mile…_

_Next he'll be telling me we'll have to walk…._

"We'll have to leave the Denali and walk in," said Grissom. "Terrain is too rough."

She fixed a thermos and grabbed two mugs.

"Ready," she said.

He followed her as she headed toward the door.

She said little on the drive to the scene.

He glanced once or twice.

"You could sleep," he said. "It's going to take awhile."

"I'm good," she lied.

She was tired.

She knew she had gotten less than three hours sleep.

"You look tired," he said.

She said nothing.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked.

"Wrong? No," she said.

"You've been avoiding me," he said.

"No, I haven't," she said. She bit her lower lip. It was another lie. She had been avoiding him. She had been avoiding everyone. She couldn't explain it. She needed time to herself.

They arrived on the scene. She grabbed her kit and took off walking not bothering to wait for him. It didn't take him long to catch up with her.

"Your limp is getting worse," he said.

"I hadn't noticed," she said as she rolled her eyes.

_How many lies do I want to tell today?_

She was relieved when they made it to the site. She began working the outer perimeter. He said nothing but focused on the job. It was several hours later when they finished. They

collected the bags of evidence and began walking back. They were half way back when she stumbled and almost fell.

"Stop!"

She didn't mind stopping.

Her knee was killing her.

"Sit down over there and let me see that knee."

"It's fine…a little bruised," she said as she wiped at the sweat on her forehead. She pulled out her bottled water and drank.

They were walking again. He took the kits and put them in the back along with the bagged evidence.

She slid into the seat and leaned back. It was good to get off the knee.

"I want to see it right now," he said.

She glared at him.

"Sara, please," he said.

"I can't," she said.

"Why not?"

"The knee is swollen…I can't get the pants leg up."

It was his turn to glare.

"We're having it checked. Don't bother arguing!"

She didn't.

She was in pain.

Once the evidence was logged, they returned to the Denali.

She thought he was taking her home.

He wasn't.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"Hospital," he said.

"No!"

He glared at her again.

She cringed.

"My apartment first," she said. "Please."

"May I ask why?"

"These are my favorite jeans and they're going to cut them. I can change."

He stared at her.

"You change and then we go."

She agreed.

She insisted on hobbling in without his assistance.

She sat down in the nearest chair.

She watched as he barked out orders.

A wheelchair appeared followed by an examining room.

A young doctor walked in and smiled at her.

It made Grissom squirm.

"Let me take a look at this," he said as he examined her knee.

Grissom watched as the man's hands seemed to caress her thigh.

He felt jealous.

The doctor's hands glided up and down her leg as if he were enjoying he feel of her smooth skin under his fingertips.

Her skin was smooth.

Grissom's own hands had caressed her there.

He had caressed every inch of those legs that first night they made love.

He remembered how she became aroused with just the slightest touch as his hand glided up her thigh.

He swallowed hard.

Grissom moved closer and glared at the young man.

"I don't think you broke it. It's a nasty bruise in a bad location. I think a couple of days on crutches with no weight on it, should make it better. Still, a few x rays wouldn't hurt," he said.

He patted her leg.

Grissom stepped closer.

The doctor glanced at Grissom and suddenly released the leg.

"I'll give you something for the pain," he said.

"No thanks," she said.

"It might help when you're trying to sleep," said the doctor.

"We'll take them," said Grissom.

Sara stared at him but said nothing.

Once the x rays revealed nothing, she was released with a prescription and a pair of crutches. He determined she was better off without the crutches as she almost slipped causing her to put weight on the leg.

_She just needs to stay off the leg…_

_Too stubborn to listen…_

_God, I love her legs…_

_Nice and smooth…_

"It's not going to get better if you ignore his orders," he said.

"I hate crutches," she snapped.

He grinned. "I can carry you."

"You will not!"

"Then I suggest you learn how to use the crutches."

"Great," she muttered.

He drove her home picking up something to eat along the way. He opened the door for her and watched as she hobbled to the couch. She let the crutches fall to the floor.

He set the food out and sat down across from her in a chair. He watched as she nibbled on the food. She winced a few times and he quickly opened the pain prescription.

"I don't need that," she said.

"You're in pain," he said. "Take one. You need the sleep."

She took it and ate part of the sandwich.

She leaned back when she became dizzy.

"Sara…you okay?"

"Pain medication…too strong," she said.

She took a few more bites but had no choice to lie down.

"Dizzy?"

"Very. Sleepy," she said.

He covered her with a blanket.

She was asleep in minutes.

He sat there and finished eating while he watched her sleep. He glanced down and saw the note pad. He thought it was a grocery list and he turned it around to look at it.

_Andy…_

_Late fifties…_

_Marines…_

He noticed the words, "kind and gentle" were marked out.

note from author:

Thanks for the reviews. As you can see Sara is going to continue the search...the rest of the story will continue to be about that as well as their relationship...

take care,

Penny


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven:**

He called into the office and told Catherine what had happened.

"Pretty quiet around here," said Catherine.

"Call me if you need me," he said as he hung up.

He watched as she tried to stretch out only to whimper when she moved her knee. He disappeared for a moment turning down the bed but returned. He picked her up and carried her to the bed. Once she was settled, he took up residence on the couch.

He picked up the pad and stared at her notes.

_I don't think it's a case…_

_Maybe some relative she read about or in the photos…_

He listened for her once more before falling asleep.

He jumped when he heard the sound of water running and hurried to find the bed empty with the bathroom door closed. Within a few minutes she joined him in the living room clad in sweats.

"Knee is better," she said as she hobbled over to the couch.

"Let me…"

"No, really it's fine," she said. "You don't have to hang around here any longer. I can make it on my own."

"The doctor said you should stay off it for a day or so. Don't put any weight on it."

He watched as she propped it up.

"It still hurts…not as much swelling," she said as she leaned back.

"I'll make you some breakfast," he said heading to the kitchen.

"That's okay. You can go. You don't have to babysit me," she said.

"I'm not!" he said sounding frustrated.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound unappreciative. I am…really. I can manage," she said.

He knew better than to argue.

She did not want him there.

"Okay, then. I'll be going."

He opened the door hesitating for a moment, "Sara…" she waited for him to finish but he didn't.

"See you at work."

"Take a night off," he said

He was gone.

She knew his actions were just pity or a sense of needing to help.

He had slept with her.

It was the least he could do.

She cursed inwardly.

She didn't need his pity and she had no desire to help clear his conscious.

She forced herself to stand and hobbled over to the kitchen. She was surprised he had tidied up. She was even more surprised to find a note on the fridge reminding her to skip the alcohol when taking the prescription.

_No more drugs for me…_

They glared at one another when shift began and she was not handed an assignment. Her knee hurt but she wasn't about to sit idle as the others went about their assignments. He started to protests when she grabbed Nick's arm and offered to help. He quickly glanced at Grissom who said nothing but walked past them ignoring the urge to protest.

She became a hobbling target.

The crutches refused to cooperate as she hobbled down the hall.

She stepped into the examining room and began sifting through the bags of evidence.

"You don't have to help," said Nick.

"Yes…I do," she said. She threw the crutches and they landed on the floor.

"Should you be doing that?" asked Nick.

"Yes! I hate them."

He smirked.

He pulled up a chair and she sat down while she continued.

"I'm going to check with Hodges on those samples I gave him yesterday," he said as he left the room.

Sara glanced over and saw another bag of evidence. She stood and tried to hobble over to get to it. She had managed to use the table but now there was nothing left. She stepped out placing weight on the knee as she slowly walked over and reached down to get the bag.

Grissom stood there and watched. She picked up the bag and their eyes met. They both glanced at the crutches on the floor.

"I didn't go far," she said.

He continued to stand there saying nothing.

"Really. I just walked this far."

She hobbled back to her seat.

"Still helping Nick?" he asked.

"Yes."

He turned and left.

She glanced up once or twice to see if he was watching. When she was sure he was gone, she rubbed the knee. It had begun to throb again. She returned to the crutches. The others learned to stay clear of her while she hobbled down the hall. Grissom poured himself a cup of coffee and took a sip when Hodges came running in.

"Have you seen her?" he asked.

"Seen who?"

"Sara. She's wreckless with those crutches."

Grissom chuckled.

He'd heard complaints all shift.

She hobbled in without the crutches and he glared at her.

"No more crutches," she said.

"What happened?" he asked.

"I'd rather deal with the pain than risk it on those things any longer."

"Sara, go home."

"I can sit at my desk and work," she offered.

"You can help Hodges. He has a little bit of a back log," he said.

"Good," she said as she sat down at the table. She stared at the coffee pot.

"I would be happy to pour you a cup," he offered.

"Yes…thank you," she said.

He handed her the cup.

"How's the pain?" he asked.

"Not bad," she lied.

"Is it swelling again?"

"No," she lied again.

He stared at her for a moment and then headed toward the door.

He turned and glanced at her.

"If the swelling returns, it will be worse," he said. "Much worse."

It was.

By the end of the shift, she could not put any weight on it without crying out in pain. She sat there stuck at her desk. The crutches were in the break room. She finished the last of the information for Hodges and then began updating her files. Her thoughts returned to her own personal case and she ran the details through her head again.

_Man in his late fifties…_

_Stayed a brief time in Tomales Bay…_

_Was named Andy…_

_Was in the Marines…_

She glanced around to see if anyone was around. The place was all but deserted. She pulled up the military files and attempted to get access. The clock on the system appeared and she groaned. She had wanted to take a sneak peak and then get out before anyone noticed what she was doing. She stared at the clock and wondered how long it would take. She felt her head drooping as she stared at the screen. She needed to go home and yet she couldn't.

There was no way she could walk. She placed her head down on the desk and stared up at the screen. She felt her eyes flutter and she closed them only to snap them open a few minutes later. Each time the clock still remained. She wasn't sure when she dozed off but she heard her name being called. It was soft but persistent. She loved the voice. It was gentle and soothing. It became harsh. She jumped causing her knee to hit the desk.

She cried out in pain.

"Sorry honey," he said softly.

"I'm awake," she said.

"Why didn't you go home?" he asked.

She glanced at the screen suddenly and saw that now she had access.

She looked at those deep blue eyes that were mere inches from hers.

She loved those eyes.

She also knew she would not be able to get the info with Grissom standing there.

"I uhm couldn't," she said.

"Why not?"

"My knee…I can't put any weight on it," she said. "My crutches are in the break room."

"Stay put," he said as he disappeared.

She quickly entered the information and once again the system clock returned.

She cursed.

"Working on something?" he asked when he returned.

"Nothing," she said as she logged out.

He glanced at the screen before it disappeared.

"I don't remember any case involving a military connection."

She knew she had been caught.

Normally she was sly about these things.

It was not to be on this shift.

This had been the shift from hell.

She grabbed the crutches and stood trying to support her weight on them. Any movement sent a sharp pain through her leg. She closed her eyes when she felt the first jar.

"You're in a lot of pain aren't you?" he asked.

She could do nothing but nod.

"Let me help you," he said as he grabbed her by the waist and then lifted her.

"Griss, you can't carry me…"

He was already carrying her out the door. Soon she was sitting inside the Denali. She said nothing. She was in no condition. He stopped to pick up something to eat. She sat there trying to hide the pain but he knew it was far worse than the other day.

When the car came to a stop this time, they were in front of her apartment and she tried to remember what condition they would find it in. He insisted on carrying her inside. He used her key to unlock the door depositing the food on the counter and then carried her inside. He propped a pillow under the leg while she tried to find a comfortable position on the couch. He noticed the tightness of the pants leg.

"It might be best if you changed to something more comfortable," he said. She knew he was right but suddenly she was very tired. Without thinking, he picked her up and carried her to the bedroom.

"Where would your…"

"I can reach them without your assistance," she said.

"Fine." He replied as turned with his back to her.

"You're not serious!" she said.

"The food is getting cold as we speak," he said.

The churning of her stomach made the decision for her as she reached for the second drawer pulling out pajama bottoms and top. She pulled off her top tossing the bra in his view smiling as she knew his face would soon be the same shade as her bra. Once she was dressed, he turned and carried her back to the couch propping up the leg. He wanted to examine it but she gently pushed his hand away.

They chatted while they ate. Grissom handed her the prescription and watched as she took it smiling in satisfaction. He cleaned up the remnants of their meal leaving the rest in her fridge before coming to sit in a chair across from the couch.

"You don't need to stay. I'll be fine on my own. Dinner was nice and I'm sure I'll probably thank you for the prescription tomorrow after I've slept."

"It was my fault."

"How's that?"

"I startled you."

"It was already hurting. I knew I shouldn't have walked on it but…I was being stubborn."

"I'm sorry I yelled. I was angry because you hadn't left."

"I wanted to leave but I couldn't…really. I couldn't put any weight on it so I decided to keep working. I did. I must have fallen asleep," she said as she tried to get comfortable. He immediately noticed her discomfort and came to her aid only to see her blush when they were mere inches from one another.

Their eyes met.

He stepped back and sat down in the chair.

"Want to tell me why you were trying to get access to the military data base?"

She didn't want to talk about it but then she was already beginning to feel the effects of the prescription drug.

"I uhm…" she felt herself sliding down on the couch.

"Sara?"

"I hate the way these drugs make me feel."

"How do they make you feel?"

"Not in control," she said.

"You going to tell me who you're looking for?" he asked.

"Looking for?" she asked.

"A man named Andy in his late fifties, who was a Marine…a kind and gentle man," he said.

He watched for a reaction.

He was surprised at hers.

She pulled herself upright immediately.

"You had no right!" she yelled.

"Sara…"

"You had no right…I didn't tell you…" she began as she jumped up only to stop herself when the knee gave way.

He caught her as she cried out.

"I've got you," he said as he pulled her back down on the couch. She shut her eyes from the sharp pain that radiated from the knee. He yanked up the pajama bottoms she chose to wear and cursed.

"Sara, this is bad."

He immediately went into the kitchen and searched for an ice pack. Once found, he returned and placed it on the knee. She jumped from the contact.

"Sorry."

He pretended he did not see the tears that slipped down her cheeks.

"Better?"

"It will be. The pain medicine is helping," she said between clenched teeth.

He sat there quietly applying the ice pack.

"Griss?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm looking for…,"

"You don't have to tell me. I just wanted to help."

"Why?"

It was a bold question.

She had never confronted him on his feelings before.

She blamed it on the pain medication.

"Why not?" he shot back.

She groaned from the pain and the endless frustration she felt with their relationship.

_We don't have a relationship…_

_We had sex a few times…_

_He's only been around because he feels responsible for me…_

_A mess he's made of a friendship…_

She had no idea where the anger came from.

It suddenly just exploded within her.

Perhaps it had been there seething to get out ever since her mother had called her to her death bed only to tell her about a man she would never find.

It hurt.

She blamed it on the knee but she knew better. It was once again her mother's bomb shell.

_All these years she knew where I was…_

_She could have called…_

_She could have told me years ago…_

_But instead she waits until she's dying…_

"Go!" she yelled.

"Sara…"

"You can leave with a clear conscience. You helped. Just leave me alone!"

He stood there unsure what had just happened.

He wasn't sure where the anger came from but it exploded within him.

"No!"

She squared her shoulders as they glared at one another.

He was supposed to leave.

She expected him to turn and run.

He didn't.

She wasn't prepared for this.

She decided she wasn't forceful enough.

"I want you to leave!"

"I said no!"

Neither flinched.

Silence erupted into the room until the ice pack slid off the knee.

He put it back into place keeping his hand on it this time.

She glanced down at his hand that held the ice pack. His other hand caressed the side of her leg. It was not anything sexual. It was gentle and kind and…

Her resolve broke.

He sat there helplessly as he watched one tear drop and then another and another and another and then there were gulps for air as she began to sob. He was torn with what to do. She had yelled at him to leave and now she was in tears. He felt responsible. He had pushed her too far and he felt absolutely and utterly like he had just ripped out a part of his heart.

Note from author:

Don't worry, I think they are about to make some progress…GSR style of course but progress. Leave a review.

Take care,

Penny


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight:**

"I'm sorry," he heard tumble out of his mouth. "I'll go. I didn't mean to upset you. I was worried. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I just wanted to…"

He had wanted to say "love you." It was there in his mouth ready to spill forth but instead he chose to say "help." He looked down at the floor feeling so inept at the moment.

"She lied to me," she hiccupped.

His head shot up. "She?"

"My mother lied to me. All these years, she stayed away…never came to visit…never tried to call…never loved me…is it so hard to love me?"

He felt the air knocked out of his chest.

_No Sara…_

_God no…_

_It's so easy…_

_One look and I loved you…_

_Will always love you…_

She didn't wait for a reply as she struggled once more to get up.

"Sara, you can't put any weight on that knee. Let me help."

"Why?'

They were back to that question again.

"Because I want to help. I don't have to…I want to."

He leaned over and she let him pick her up. He carried her to the bedroom and she stretched the knee out.

"Better?"

She shook her head.

He propped it up and it seemed to ease the throbbing.

He checked the prescription.

"You could take another one," he said.

She did.

She leaned back and closed her eyes feeling the second pill hit more forcibly. Soon, the sensation of floating replaced the throbbing and she sighed.

"Better?"

"Yes…better."

He sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Sara, your mother loved you…she ..."

"She waited until her death bed to call for me. She then tells me John Sidle was never my father."

Grissom suddenly realized who Sara had been searching for.

"Your father…you're looking for your father."

"She tells me on her death bed…when I can do nothing…so many questions…I couldn't think of them until now…now that she's gone and I'm alone. I doubt I'll ever find him. I know so little."

"The notepad…I thought it was a grocery list. I was going to do the shopping for you."

"His name is Andy, in his late fifties, he was in the Marines for awhile or at least he was going into the Marines when he met her. She was married at the time. She had an affair."

She closed her eyes trying to focus. "She said he was gentle and kind."

"Is this the reason you were trying to access the military files?"

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to see if I could find him."

"It wouldn't have done you any good. You have to have a full name in order to check the database."

She felt defeated.

"I know someone who might be able to help," he said.

Her eyes shot open.

"Brass," he said. "Brass has connections in the military and he could have one of his buddies do a cross reference check on all men in their late fifties with the first name of Andy who were stationed in that area."

She seemed relieved.

"Sara, I'll help. I'll help any way I can. This can be just between you and me. No one has to know…not even Brass."

"Thank you," she said.

"You should try and sleep."

He started to get up when she grabbed his arm.

"Griss, thanks," she said.

He reached for a pillow and stood. "I'll be on the couch if you need anything."

"The couch?"

"I'm not leaving. You can't walk."

"You uhm don't have to sleep on the couch. It's not the most comfortable. You could sleep in here with me. I never use all of the bed," she said as she scooted down.

"You sure?" he asked.

She was asleep already.

He slipped out of his clothes and then gently eased into the bed. He checked to make sure the knee was elevated before closing his eyes.

He woke before she did.

She had not moved all night.

He checked on the knee a few times and checked her breathing when she seemed too still. It was a deep sleep and he attributed it to the pain medication.

He checked the kitchen for breakfast and decided vegetarians did not eat. He made a list of items to pick up and called Brass.

"You're calling me at this hour because?" he growled.

"It's Sara."

"What's wrong?" he asked suddenly.

"Her knee."

"She walked on it didn't she?"

"She's going to be out for a few days."

"Are you there with her?"

"She couldn't walk. I couldn't leave her," he said defensively.

"I can sit with her today. I have the night off."

"Good. I need a favor from you."

"Favor?"

"I need to locate someone."

Grissom gave him the description.

"Not much to go on," said Brass. "Is this a case?"

"No. It's personal."

"I still have a few contacts. I'll get them on it," he said.

"Good. Now how about breakfast?" asked Grissom.

"There's no edible food in the apartment is there?" muttered Brass.

Grissom rattled off the list. "Better add anything you might want…unless you like tofu."

"That stuff should be banned," he said.

Grissom chuckled.

Brass arrived a few hours later.

"How is she?" he asked carrying the bags into the kitchen.

"Still asleep," said Grissom.

Brass glanced at his watch. "How long has she been sleeping?"

"Nine hours."

"Have you checked on her?"

"She took two pain pills. She's fine."

"Sara doesn't take pain…"

"The knee is not good. Don't let her walk on it."

"You think we should take her to the hospital?"

"Only if the swelling doesn't go down."

He began fixing breakfast. Once the waffles were done, he turned and headed for the bedroom.

"Where are you going?" asked Brass.

"I'm going to check on her…to see if she will eat," he said.

She was awake when he entered.

"You're up," he said.

"The waffles," she said.

He grinned. "Feel like eating?"

She pulled herself up and looked at the knee.

"Still swollen," he said with a frown.

"It feels better," she said. "Not throbbing."

"Good. Stay off of it!"

He stood when she tried to swing her legs to the side of the bed.

"I have to go to the bathroom," she explained. "I'm not putting weight on it."

He helped her she hobbled inside.

"A quick shower…five minutes," she said.

"Five minutes," he said.

She kept her word. She was in and out. She stood there now in a robe. He wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms and make love to her. He was reminded that they were not alone when he heard a voice call out, "waffles are getting cold."

She looked at him.

"Jim…is here," he said.

"I'll dress," she said. He stood there.

"I can dress by myself," she said.

"Oh," he said as he stepped back and turned his back.

"Griss, really," she said.

"Waffles are getting cold," he reminded her. "They're blueberry waffles."

He had fixed her favorite. She tossed the robe onto the bed and he stared at it. He knew she was standing there naked behind him. It took all of his willpower not to turn around.

"Done," she said.

He turned and smiled. "Ready?"

She nodded.

He lifted her gently carrying her to the kitchen table.

"He never did that for me when I hurt my knee," chuckled Brass.

He was pleased with her appetite as she finished a waffle and then some fruit.

Grissom stood and removed the dishes.

"I cooked so you have to clean," said Grissom to Brass.

"If you need anything, I'll be at the lab," said Grissom to both of them.

Sara stared at him.

"Jim is going to spend the day with you."

She looked at Brass. "You don't have to…"

"Like his company better than mine?"

"No," she said with a smile.

"Good. We can play poker," he said.

"Poker?" she asked.

"You do play, right?" he asked.

"No…I could learn."

He smiled. "I'll teach you."

He worried about her during shift.

With each hour that passed there was no word from Brass.

He knew that she was in good hands.

He just wanted them to be his.

As the shift ended, he hurried back to her apartment. He heard the sound of laughter coming from inside. He tapped and Brass came to the door.

"She beat me," he said.

"She's a fast learner," said Grissom.

"How's the knee?" asked Grissom as he came and examined it. His hands were warm and gentle as he checked the swelling.

"It's better," she said smiling.

He returned the smile. "I can see that."

"I want a rematch," said Brass.

"You don't have any pretzels left," she said grinning.

"Grissom, go out and buy a bag of pretzels," said Brass.

"Sorry but I came to check on the patient and relieve you," he said.

Brass looked shocked. "I can stay. You have to sleep."

"I'm only staying until noon and then Nick is coming. He has the night off," said Grissom.

"Nick?" asked Sara.

"Yes…I told them about your knee. They've all offered to come and sit with you. Nick already had the night off so he said something about a chick flick you two were supposed to watch."

Sara grinned. "The Rocky Horror Picture Show."

Grissom frowned. "That's a chick flick?"

"Nicky's never seen it…he's a virgin," she said.

Grissom turned to hide the blush.

Brass chuckled.

"I haven't seen that either. I might stay…"

"You're going to be called by the undersheriff about that case at the casino."

"Great," muttered Brass. "It's been fun kiddo. I get a rematch soon."

"Soon," she said.

He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek.

"Don't I even get a waffle before I leave?" he asked.

"It's omelets today," said Grissom.

"Veggie omelets?" she asked quickly.

"Yes."

Brass frowned. "See you later kid."

Grissom headed to the kitchen and began breakfast.

"Any news from his friend?" asked Grissom.

"He's sending a list…there's about twenty guys that fit that description."

"Taking any medicine?" he asked.

"I haven't needed it," she said.

"Good."

She stood and he immediately turned.

"I can make it to the kitchen without putting any weight on it," she said.

He said nothing but turned back and focused on making the omelets again. Once they were done, they sat down and ate.

"I like poker," she said.

"Good," he said.

"Do you play?" she asked.

"Yes, I do."

"Do you play alot?"

"I haven't played in years," he said.

She smiled. "Want to play?"

"I think Jim may have created a monster."

"If you don't want to…"

"What do you want to play for?" he asked drinking his juice.

Their eyes locked.

"There're no more pretzels," she said.

"I'll play…you figure out the details," he said as he stood and began putting the dishes away.

She sat there and watched him.

"We could play strip poker," she said.

The dishes clanged in the sink.

He turned and stared at her.

"Strip poker?"

"I heard about it in college…never played…didn't know how…until now."

"I see."

"We don't have to remove our clothes…just keep a list…to see who has the most clothing left."

He could not believe he was disappointed with her explanation.

"Okay, you want to deal first or me?"

"Wait, we have to take an assessment of our clothing," she said.

"Okay…what do you have on?" he asked with a slight grin.

"Not much," she admitted.

He swallowed hard.

"Blouse, shorts, panties…like I said not much," she said.

"No uhm bra?" he managed to get out.

She shook her head.

He smiled.

"What about you?" she asked.

"I just came from work…socks, shoes, pants, shirt, t shirt and of course underwear."

"Boxers or briefs?" she asked suddenly.

"Win and you'll find out."

She swallowed. "I thought we were…"

"I'd have to write it down on the list," he explained.

"Well, it's not very fair…you have on more than me," she said.

"You chose the game," he smirked.

She didn't like the smirk.

"Fine. I deal first," she said.

He watched as her hands picked up the deck and the cards flew through the air.

_She's good…_

_Very good…_

_No bra…_

_Can't tell…_

_Shirt's too big…_

He won the first round.

She listed her shorts.

He tried to imagine her sitting there in a shirt with panties. He wondered if it was a thong. It made him take a drink of water. He swiped at his forehead.

"Are you hot?" she asked.

_She just asked that, right?_

"Ready?" he asked.

She took the next game and he removed his shoes.

She frowned.

The next game went to her again and his socks were removed.

Still, she was not pleased with her success.

He won the next and he grinned when she wrote down the panties.

"I could still cover myself," she said.

"I see."

He could. He could just imagine her sitting there in nothing but the shirt. He imagined his hands sliding up the shirt and pulling her naked body to his. He imagined how it would feel to kiss her lips and then dip down and kiss her breast as his hands rested on her waist.

"Griss?"

"Griss?"

"Hmmm?"

"It's your turn."

He lost.

His shirt was removed and then the t shirt.

They assessed their predicament.

"I still have my shirt," she said.

"I still have my pants and …you know."

She made a face.

She wanted to know what he was wearing.

She remembered he owned both.

She had removed boxers the first time and then briefs the next.

Her curiosity was in overdrive.

She won and she smiled when the pants were removed.

"I still have one article of clothing," he said.

"So do I," she said.

It came down to the last hand.

They both cursed when the doorbell rang.

It was Nick.

Note from author:

Timing sucks! I wanted to know if he's wearing boxers or briefs…we'll find out in the next chapter so hurry with the reviews.

Take care,

Penny


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine:**

"We're going to finish this," she said.

"I'll let him in," said Grissom as he hurried to the door.

They both returned to the table.

"Hey, cards," smiled Nick.

He watched as the cards were dispersed.

"Who's winning? asked Nick.

"It's down to this hand," said Grissom smiling.

"Don't look so smug. You're not going to win," she said.

The cards were played.

It was strange how each felt so nervous.

He lost.

She smiled flashing her pearly white teeth at them.

Nick chuckled.

Grissom frowned.

"Good game," he said getting up.

She looked at him. "Wait, I won."

"Yes, you did," he said as he handed the cards to Nick.

"But…"

"Don't let her put any weight on the knee," said Grissom. "I'll see you in the morning. Call me if there's a problem."

"You're coming back?" she asked.

"I'll be here in the morning until noon then Greg is going to stay with you," he said.

"Oh."

He grabbed his jacket and headed for the door.

"Nick you might want to make some coffee. You're going to need it if you play cards with her."

"Good idea," he said as he headed to the kitchen.

Grissom continued to the door but stopped. He walked over and leaned down to Sara.

"Briefs," he whispered.

She grinned. "I thought so!"

"Play fair," he said as he left.

"Be safe," she called.

Brass was waiting for him when he arrived.

"Here's the list," he said.

Grissom glanced at it.

"Anything else I can do?" he asked.

"Don't teach Sara another card game," he said.

"She beat you didn't she?"

"Yes, she did."

He chuckled as he got up and left.

He stared at the list.

Immediately he removed several names.

_He was Caucasian…_

_That eliminates some…_

He ran late that morning as he relieved Nick. As soon as he knocked, Nick opened the door and handed him a cup of coffee.

"Tough last night?" he asked.

"With two out…not bad," he said as he took a sip of the hot coffee.

"How is she?" he asked.

"Swelling is about gone," said Nick.

"Any problems?" he asked.

"Don't play cards with her," he said.

"You played cards?" asked Grissom.

"Yeah…I have to buy her lunch for the next week and a half."

Grissom chuckled.

"What do you owe her?" asked Nick as he grabbed for his jacket. "You lost too."

"Let's just say she took the shirt off my back," he said.

Nick whistled. "Good thing we didn't play for money."

Grissom grinned and said nothing.

"See you at work tonight," called Sara.

Grissom looked up. "Another day of leave."

"But…"

"You wouldn't want to disappoint Greg. He's been looking forward to this."

Nick waved goodbye and shut the door.

"Have you eaten?" she asked.

"No…what about you?"

"Nick and I had left over pizza."

"Got any left?"

She pointed to the counter.

He took out a slice and began to eat.

"What do you want to do this morning?" he asked.

"I'm kind of tired of cards," she said sitting down on the couch.

"I got the list," he said.

"The list?"

"I've narrowed it down to ten men," he said.

She sat up as he handed her the list.

She stared at the names.

"Want to work on that?"

She nodded.

They took up opposite seats at the table as each of them worked on their laptops.

"Found anything?" she asked.

"One man died in the Gulf War. His widow and two children live in Colorado. If we eliminate the others on the list, we could contact them and see if they would agree to a DNA comparison."

"I didn't think that he could be dead," she said.

"You could get to know your siblings."

She said nothing but continued her search.

"Well, one of these guys is a priest in the military," she said.

"It's possible…before he took his vows."

"Anything else?" she asked.

"Not yet," he lied.

_One man is in prison for first degree murder…_

_He murdered his wife…_

_Please don't let it be him…_

"I've got phone numbers on the rest of these guys so I think I'm going to call them," she said.

The doorbell rang and they both looked at one another.

"It must be Greg."

Sara closed up the laptop and put the information in a folder.

Grissom did the same.

He opened the door and found Greg there with a bag.

"Veggie burgers," he announced.

Sara smiled.

"I'll get something at home," said Grissom as he waved and then left.

He couldn't sleep.

He pulled out the list of names and began working once more.

He had eliminated another two. He had spoken with each of the men who claimed they had not had sex with any woman during that time and were willing to submit to a DNA. One man admitted he was gay while the other had been dating a woman during that time. Grissom ruled them out. It left one other man on his list besides the convict. He picked up the phone and called.

He ruled out the man.

The man had admitted to having a relationship with a woman back then but they had married and she was still his wife. He offered to give a DNA sample. Grissom made the notation on the list. He sighed. The only man remaining was the convict.

He put the list down in his pocket and got ready for work. The shift was busier and he welcomed the work as a distraction. Once the shift ended, he arrived at her apartment to find Sara sitting at the table while Greg slept on the couch. She answered the door and he frowned.

"No swelling and no pain," she said. "I've stayed off it…until now."

"Good cause we need you back at work," he said.

He looked over at Greg.

"Friday the 13th movie marathon," she said.

"All night?"

"For the most part," she said.

"Any luck on the search?" he asked.

"I have two persons left to contact," she said. "How about you?"

"One."

"You don't have to stay," she said. "I'm going to let him sleep for awhile and then kick him out."

"Want me to check on those last two?" he asked.

"I was going to do that myself. I could call the last one on your list."

He took a deep breath. "I left it at the office."

"Well, you can give it to me this afternoon. I'll be at work."

She watched as he left.

Once he was gone, she started on the last two names. One man lived in Tennessee and the other in New Jersey. There was very little about the New Jersey man except he was divorced. He seemed nice. Unfortunately, she ruled him out when he admitted he had been in an accident as a child and was rendered sterile. He also admitted he had not been with anyone during his stay in San Francisco.

It left the man in Tennessee. She reached his wife. She was unsure about how she should proceed. In the end, she just blurted it out. The woman was nice. Her husband was presently in a psychiatric facility for an emotional breakdown. The news caught Sara completely off guard.

"He doesn't talk much about those days. He doesn't talk much about his military stint…my husband was on a lot of missions…each one took a piece out of him. I think he got tired of the killing which is why he left the military five years ago. What was your name?"

"Sara…Sidle."

"Well, I can ask him."

"Would he be willing to provide a hair sample for a DNA test?" she asked.

"I'm sure he would," the woman replied.

She seemed a bit down when she arrived at the lab. She tapped on his door and glanced around. He was tired. He had contacted the woman in Colorado and discovered her husband had been unable to have children. Their children were adopted. He had been hopeful. It was better to find her father dead than to find him in prison for murder.

"Went through the names?" he asked.

"One man is a possibility," she said. "Anything on your end?"

"One man is a possibility," he said.

"Mine is currently in a psychiatric facility."

There was a silence.

"And yours?" she asked.

"He can't be reached right now," he said. "I'm working on it."

She nodded slowly.

"Sara, we may not find him. It might not be these men."

"This man on your list…what do you know about him?" she asked.

He didn't want to tell her.

"He uhm killed his wife. He's in prison for first degree murder."

She shook her head.

"Some choice. Either I get the dad who is nuts or I get the dad who is a murderer."

"Sara…"

"Tell me there is a case I can work on?"

She worked in the field the entire shift. He saw a glimpse of her once she returned. He had wanted to work with her but had gotten tied up with Brass and the undersheriff on another case that was going to trial.

She had already clocked out by the time he went to check on her. She opened the door to find him standing there.

"I got the warden to agree to a DNA sample…he said the guards could get a hair sample without protest."

"It's probably him," she said as she let him in.

"Sara…"

"She said he was a kind and gentle man," said Sara half laughing. "A first degree murderer fits the description of someone I think my mother would sleep with. John Sidle would have killed us if…"

She stopped.

She was letting her emotions get the better of her.

"We should get it soon," he said.

"Then you'll have to rethink that notion that there is no murder gene. My mother murdered…my father murdered…I could be next," she said.

"I don't believe that," he said.

"You should. I hate her. I hate her for doing this," she said with arms folded about her.

He took her into his arms and held her.

He hated to see her like this.

She had such high hopes of locating the man and now that it was a possibility they both feared the end result.

His hands felt the thin cotton blouse as he rubbed her back.

"No bra," he whispered.

"Boxer or briefs?" she whispered.

His lips met hers and soon she was pulling at his shirt. Once it was removed, she worked on the pants. He had managed to move them to the bedroom as they continued to fumble with their clothing. Soon his lips moved from hers and made a slow descent to her breast. She breathed in sharply as she felt his hand slip between them but there was no need for foreplay. She was ready. She pulled him into position and he kissed her once more as he sunk down deeply inside her. He kept himself poised there and then with one quick thrust he sank deeper as she moved with each thrust.

He was gentle and slow while she tried to quicken the pace. He refused by taking her wrists and pinning them to her side.

"Not yet," he whispered. "Not yet."

He continued moving inside her and she moaned. Her body screamed for release and he released one of her wrist that quickly came up and pulled his head down for a kiss. She groped her tongue deep releasing a moan causing him to almost lose control. His thrusts were harder and deeper and she kept up with the pace until each reached their climax. He held his weight off her but she pulled him down relishing in the feel of his body directly against hers.

She felt her heartbeat returning to normal as he rolled over and lay there beside her. His hand reached out and pulled her up next to him. He was asleep within minutes. She lay there and watched him. She couldn't remember who had initiated the first move but she didn't care. She had needed the release and he had been there. She did not want to try to analyze why he had allowed this to happen. She wanted to enjoy the feel of him next to her for as long as he remained there.

Note from author:

Thanks for those who are faithful and leave a review for each chapter. It means a lot. I am getting excited since we are getting into the good parts…Please continue to leave a review. As I've said I post after so many reviews so keep them coming. We have lots of chapters to get through!

Take care,

Penny


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten:**

The phone startled her.

She sat upright and glanced around.

She was alone.

"Sidle"

"Ready for dinner?" asked Nick.

"Hey," she said sleepily.

"You were sleeping?" he asked.

"Yeah…what time is it?"

"An hour before shift?"

She jumped up and glanced at the clock.

"I've got to go," she said. "I'll be late for work."

"Don't forget about dinner. My treat," he said.

"That's not necessary Nicky. It was just for fun," she said.

"Dinner at the diner," he said.

"Dinner," she finally agreed.

She ran into the building and found the others already in the conference room waiting for assignments.

"Heard you learned how to play poker," said Warrick.

"A little," she said glancing at Nick.

"She's good," said Nick.

Sara smiled when Greg handed her a cup of coffee.

"Thanks, Greg."

"I heard you took the shirt off Grissom's back," said Warrick.

Sara spewed her coffee.

The guys handed her a napkin.

"Sorry, it was really hot," she said trying to make up an excuse.

"She did," said Grissom as he sat down and avoided eye contact with her.

He handed out the assignments and she noticed he chose to work with Catherine. She said nothing but took the assignment and left to work solo.

He knew he should have left a note but he had been called to the office on a case and had rushed out. Now, he had been afraid she was angry with the way he left.

"I don't really need any help on this case," said Catherine.

"Good because I have something I need to take care of."

He disappeared into his office and pulled out the package that had arrived special delivery. He took out the plastic bag containing some of the hair follicles from Sara. By the end of the shift, he had his answer. The convict had been ruled out.

This left the mental patient.

When she returned from the field, she found a note inside her locker. She stared at it and then tucked it inside her pocket as she grabbed her things and left. She wasn't sure if she should feel relieved that a murderer was not her father. She was not certain the remaining person on her list would be much better. She skipped eating and immediately went about calling the woman back.

"I called the other day," she began.

"I remember," said the woman.

"Could you send the hair sample?" asked Sara.

"Ruled out the others?" Mrs. Reynolds asked.

"Yes…I have," she said.

"You can have it if you'll come and get it," she said.

"I'm not sure I can take off," said Sara.

"Sara? It is Sara right? If he's your father I don't want you to write him off just because he's in a mental institution. He was a good man…he is a good man. You should know him," she said.

"I'll take a flight tomorrow morning but I'll have to fly back that same day," she said.

"Just give him a few hours," she said.

Sara heard the click and she sighed.

She booked her flight arrangements. There was a returning flight within six hours. She would be back for work that night but she would not have slept any. She didn't much care. It would be like working a double but she would finally have the remaining DNA sample in order to determine paternity.

She tried to sleep.

She tried to imagine what it would be like going back into a mental institution after Adam Trent case. It brought shivers. She hated mental hospitals. She hated the look, the smell, the stark white walls and the screams of the patients as if they were in torment. She remembered visiting the mental hospital when her mother was admitted for observation. She had held onto the social worker's hand as she led her through the halls. She remembered the stairs from the patients as well as the workers.

There were screams coming from one of the rooms. In the distance someone cried mournfully. All of the sounds had frightened her and she had wanted to flee but the social worker continued their journey through the hospital until they came to her mother's room. Her mother did not act the same. Her face was drawn and she did not seem to recognize Sara. Sara stared at her mother's eyes. They were red and blank. Laura's stare turned into recognition and she scolded her for coming. Laura clung to Sara's small frame as she cried. It sounded mournful and painful and she wanted nothing more than to disappear. It was impossible. There was no attic. There was no Peter. She was alone with the woman who killed her father. She could still hear the screams that came from her mother that fateful day. All she had to do was close her eyes and she could hear them. They haunted her. She could also see her father lying in a pool of blood as the life drained out of him.

She would later be told that her mother had been heavily sedated. She would see her mother again in court and then once more for her brother's funeral. She had wished there could have been one more happy moment with her. She knew it would never happen. She felt the incredible sense of loss once more. She refused to give in to the despair as she cleaned the apartment. She restacked the boxes containing her mother's belongings. She did many things except sleep.

Sleep would not come.

She considered taking a pain pill to see if it would make her drowsy but she tossed the idea. She arrived at work loaded on caffeine and was grateful to be given a routine case. She hurried through it ignoring the stares from Brass.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

"No."

"You look tired," he said.

"I am tired," she admitted.

"Getting enough sleep?"

"Yes."

She wondered if her father lied but then she decided she got that from her mother.

She tapped on his door just as shift was ending.

He glanced up and saw her.

"Hey," said Grissom.

"I uhm I'm going out of town," she said.

"When?" he asked nervously.

"Now," she said.

He looked confused.

"I have a flight to Tennessee this morning…the wife agreed to give me a sample as long as I meet with him at the hospital."

Flashes of Adam Trent ran through his mind and suddenly he felt very uneasy.

"Don't worry I have a return flight this evening in time for my shift," she said.

"You think this is wise? Going there?"

"I need the sample," she said.

He glanced down at the report that was due and cursed.

She watched as he seemed upset.

"I shouldn't have any problem with getting back…look I'll make sure I get back before shift," she said.

His phone rang and he sighed. It was Ecklie.

He picked up the phone and noticed she was no longer standing there.

He finished the report in record time only to sit there staring at his watch. He wondered where she was and realized he had not gotten much information from her. He knew she was on a plane headed to Tennessee and that she would be back.

_What if she gets there and he admits he's her father?_

_How is she going to react?_

_What kind of man is this?_

_Is he prone to violence?_

_She's frightened of mental hospitals…_

_She only went because I asked her to work on the Adam Trent case…_

_She's alone…_

_Shit…_

He slept that day between shifts. He knew her cell would be off during the flight so he did not attempt to contact her.

_She'll call me…_

Five hours passed and there was no word.

_She told me about the trip…_

_Only because I'm her boss and she would be unavailable…_

The hours ticked along and still there was no word.

He called her cell but it was off.

He began to worry now.

It had been an uneventful flight. She had gotten a taxi and hurried over to the hospital. Mary Reynolds was waiting for her.

"I'm here to see Andrew Reynolds," said Sara to the front desk clerk.

"Sara?" came a voice from behind. Sara turned to come face to face with Mary.

"I'm Mary," she said extending her hand.

The two women spoke briefly while they waited for visitation to begin.

"I wanted you to see this," said Mary handing her a keepsake book.

Sara opened it and began seeing the man's life before her eyes.

"He received several medals of honor including the Purple Heart. He's been all over the world…on missions I know nothing about. He was never permitted to discuss them with anyone…not even me. He began having problems a few years ago. They called it flashbacks. He would wake in a cold sweat always reaching for his gun. I removed them from the house after the first time."

She stared at Sara's reaction.

"He's a good man Sara. He's never harmed me or our daughter. He's never raised his voice to either of us."

"You have a daughter?" asked Sara.

"Yes we did."

Sara immediately caught the past tense.

"My daughter died a few years ago. There was a robbery in a convenient store. She had stopped off for gas," she said. "Andrew took her death really hard."

"I'm sorry."

"She was our only child," said Mary. "I had complications and couldn't have any more."

Mary watched as Sara flipped through the pages.

She stopped on a recent photo.

"That was made right before Kimberly was killed."

"She was very pretty."

"You remind me of her. Your hair, the tall slim frame…she got that from him."

They were called and Sara stood. She took in a deep breath and the sudden aroma of the hospital almost sent her rushing to the nearest bathroom.

They stepped into a room and saw a man standing at the window.

"Andrew?" Mary called.

He turned and looked at her.

His eyes were suddenly on Sara.

"Kimmy?"

Sara glanced at Mary.

"This is Sara."

"Sara?"

"Yes, she came to visit with you."

"Do I know you?" he asked.

"No, you don't," said Sara. "You may have known my mother, Laura Sidle."

"I uhm don't remember that well these days," he said.

Sara placed her trembling hands in her lap.

"You remember living in Tomales Bay?"

"Yes. I was stationed there for about six weeks before I was sent…" He stopped. "Yes, I remember."

"Did you meet a woman at a diner?"

He turned as if he had remembered something.

"Andrew?" asked Mary.

"I don't like the past," he said.

"Me either," said Sara.

"I lived there for six weeks. I don't remember anything that happened. I don't think I was meant to remember."

Sara looked at Mary.

"We think Andrew was debriefed in more than one way," said Mary.

Sara's head shot back toward the man that could be her father.

"I'm sorry. I can't remember," he said.

He stood there quiet for a moment.

"Andrew?"

He turned and looked at his wife and then at Sara.

"When did you get here?" he asked.

"Just now," said Mary quietly.

"Kimmy?"

He smiled at Sara. "I've missed you. You haven't visited. I'm sorry. I must look a mess. I uhm not sure why I'm here. You doing okay?"

Mary quickly took Sara's hand. "Kimmy is doing fine," said Mary.

"She's fine. She's fine," he said.

"I uhm…" he did not finish but turned away.

Mary stood and Sara followed.

"Andrew, we have to leave now," said Mary.

He turned now to face them.

"I miss you. I miss you both," he managed to get out.

"We miss you too," said Mary.

He came toward them and Sara felt her heart flutter. She wasn't prepared for this. He walked over and hugged Mary. Sara stood there frozen. He then pulled Sara into his arms and held her tight. He kissed her on the cheek and whispered softly, "Take care of your mom. She needs you."

Sara nodded. He reached up and gently stroked her hair.

"That's my girl," he said.

They stepped out of the room and into the hall.

Mary pulled out a plastic bag.

"I got these along with a blood sample," she said. "He was always giving this sort of thing in the military. He never even asked why I needed it."

Sara took them.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"You'll let me know when you have the results?" she asked.

"Yes, I will."

"Sara, he's a good man. My daughter loved him very much. She was very proud of him. If the test is positive…please stay in contact. Get to know him. I'll tell you anything I can. Please," she begged.

"I will."

She was back in the airport in minutes and now she sat there waiting for her flight to be called. The events at the hospital kept running over and over in her head. She remembered the feel of his embrace and the soft kiss on her cheek along with the way he whispered into her ear.

_He's a kind and gentle man…_

Note from author:

Thanks so much for the reviews! I have read every one of them! Please continue so we canmove along!

Take care,

Penny


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven:**

She felt a lump in her throat and she swallowed hard.

The day had been too much.

She sat there in a daze on the plane. Once it landed, she stepped off and hurried to her car. She glanced at her watch and knew she had enough time to run by the apartment to shower and change clothes.

Her head hurt.

She knew it was from the lack of food and sleep.

Sara stepped into the apartment and felt her last bit of energy leave her body.

She wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep.

She knew she couldn't.

She was late for work.

She didn't know how the time had gotten away from her.

That was not exactly true.

She had crumpled in the shower and wept for more than the time allotted.

She had done a lot of that lately.

She decided she needed a clock with an alarm in the bathroom so it could be set to remind her when she needed to move on.

She rushed in and noticed the assignments had already been given out.

She went in search of Grissom and caught him heading out on an assignment.

"Griss…"

"You're late," he snapped.

"I uhm…"

"You should have called."

"I went back to the apartment to shower and change," she said quickly.

She was surprised she was even able to say a complete sentence.

"Call if you're going to be late."

Ecklie passed them in the hall and overheard the conversation.

"Make sure that's documented in her personnel file…as well as her time sheet."

"This is the first time in five years I've been late," she said. "It won't happen again." She said as she headed outside.

Grissom groaned.

He had not meant to do that.

He had been worried since the moment she disappeared from his doorway and the first thing he had done when he saw her was snap at her.

He should have explained how worried he'd been.

He should have explained how he tried her cell over and over and contemplated hopping on the next flight to Tennessee.

He should have explained how he had not slept because he was afraid for her.

He should have explained he loved her.

He stepped out and found her standing there.

"Sara…"

"My assignment…Just tell me where I'm needed," she said.

_I need you…_

_I always need you…_

He wanted her with him but he had taken a solo case in hopes of finishing up so he could attempt to contact her.

"With Nick," he said.

She rushed off.

He watched her slip into Nick's vehicle and once again she was gone from his sight.

She worked as if there was a demon inside her.

She worked and worked until Nick forced her to slow down.

"What's the rush?" he asked.

"Just want to finish," she said.

"Yeah, well at the rate you're going, you could be a one man team tonight," he said. "You okay?"

"I'm fine."

Grissom was surprised when they returned to the lab before shift was over.

He refilled his coffee cup and called after Nick.

"How did it go?" asked Grissom.

"Something wrong with Sara?" asked Nick.

"Why?"

"She practically did the crime scene all by herself…no breaks…no nothing. She just about worked me under the table."

Grissom said nothing.

He knew she was mad at him.

She had a right to be.

"Where is she?"

"She was finishing up with her report."

He knew he needed to explain his actions.

He hoped she would give him a chance.

"I'm beat," muttered Nick. "I'm going home."

Grissom immediately went in search of her but cursed when he was held up by the undersheriff. An hour passed and then another.

He clocked out.

His eyes scanned the parking lot to ensure she had left.

She would be home by now.

The shift had ended hours ago.

He drove by her apartment and was surprised when she was not there.

It angered him.

He knew that she had not slept prior to shift and now she was not even home.

_What the hell does she think she's doing?_

Sara rubbed her neck and continued processing the scene.

She had finished up her report and clocked out an hour later to make up for the time she had been late.

She had made it to the door when Ecklie had yelled.

She stopped dead in her tracks.

"A 419 just got called in. Since you were late, you can take this," he said.

She knew he was not following shift rules.

She knew doubles were only permitted when they were shorthanded or the case was not completed.

She knew Ecklie was making her an example.

She took the assignment and headed back out.

She knew the assignment would take several hours.

She kept her head down and focused on the scene.

Once it was completed, she brought the evidence back to the lab.

She glanced at the clock and cursed.

There was only four hours before shift.

Her head was throbbing and she had forgotten when she had last eaten. She grabbed an apple from the break room along with a pack of peanut butter crackers and ate it.

She then took a shower and changed clothes.

She glanced at the clock and saw that she now had three and half hours before shift.

She knew Grissom's office would be secluded but then he would find her within an hour since he usually came in early.

She opted for the morgue.

It was cold but there was a couch in doc's office.

She grabbed a blanket and settled down.

She had been asleep for about an hour when the lights were turned on and music began to blare.

Her head shot up and Doc jumped.

"What the hell!" he yelled.

"Sorry!"

He turned the music down.

"You almost gave me a heart attack. I have a pace maker you know!"

"I'm sorry. I worked over. I needed a few hours sleep before shift," she said.

"You look awful," he said.

"Sorry," she said again as she fumbled to get up.

"Stay down," he said. "You feeling okay?"

"I'm tired."

"Go back to sleep," he said. "I'll get some coffee."

He switched off the lights and headed to the break room. He poured himself a cup and made a face.

"Don't like the way I make coffee?" asked Grissom.

"Motor oil would taste better," complained Doc Robbins.

"Need the caffeine," Grissom said. "I haven't been sleeping that well."

"You guys been busy?"

"Not so bad," said Grissom pouring himself another cup.

"Well the lack of sleep is going around. I just ran into Sara…"

"Sara?"

"She was sleeping on my couch," he said.

"What is she doing on your couch?" he asked angrily.

"Sleeping," said Doc annoyed.

"I didn't see her car parked out front," said Grissom.

"That's because it's parked on our side."

Grissom slammed the cup down on the counter.

"She said she worked a double…" called Doc.

Grissom halted.

"I didn't tell her to work a double!"

"She did…she said she was trying to get a few hours before shift. She looks exhausted."

He fumed.

Doc followed Grissom.

"You should let her sleep," Doc said.

"She can sleep at home!"

"I guess she was trying to maximize her time…not wasting any time driving home."

_Or avoiding me…_

_She thought I might come by so she hangs out at the lab…_

_She's gone too far this time!_

"Gil, don't you think…"

He switched on the light and she jerked awake.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he yelled.

"I uhm…"

"Go home!"

She tried to get her bearings.

Her eyes were still blurry.

"Get out of this lab within five minutes or get written up."

"Shift…"

"Don't bother coming in," he yelled. "I never gave you permission to work over."

She shoved the blanket off and stood suddenly.

"Believe me I wanted nothing more than to leave this place but Ecklie gave me an assignment as punishment for coming in an hour late even though I had already made up the hour and then some!" she yelled.

Grissom's anger went into overdrive.

"You should have called me!"

"Ecklie can give me orders whenever he wants."

They both stood there heaving.

"Gil…" began Doc, "I don't think…"

"I'm leaving. I think I have three minutes remaining to get out of here," she said as she headed toward the door.

"Sara, wait," called Grissom.

She was already walking down the hall when he caught up with her.

"I'm sorry I didn't know."

"You didn't ask. You just started yelling!" she said as she yelled at him.

"You're yelling now," he said softly.

"I am! I am yelling! I'm yelling because I just spent the last forty two hours…" she stopped.

She hurried through the lab and was relieved when she made it out to the front of the lab.

She walked over and stared at the empty space where she normally parked.

_My car…_

_It should be here…_

_I always park here…_

_Where is it…_

She walked around and yet she could not find it.

She stood there with eyes closed and willed herself to calm down.

"I'll drive you home," said Grissom.

"I can drive myself!"

"Sara, you can't even find your car," he said.

She couldn't.

She couldn't remember where she parked it.

"I'll call a taxi," she said.

She stumbled and decided it was best to sit down on the curb and have a nice quiet nervous breakdown.

She wanted to have one.

She felt she deserved it.

It was long overdue anyway in her opinion.

_Like father like daughter…_

_A gentle and kind man…_

_He was warm and strong…_

"Sara?"

He reached down and took her hand.

"Come on," he said softly.

"I need to find my car," she sniffled.

"It's parked on the other side…near the morgue."

She remembered then.

She had some evidence that was too heavy and she chose to park there.

"Oh."

He pulled her up but she stopped him.

"Shift starts in less than an hour," she said.

"So I'll be a little late," he said.

"No!"

She yanked her hand away.

"You can't drive yourself!"

"I'm calling a taxi."

She rummaged through her pockets but could not locate her cell.

She cursed.

He held up her phone.

"You left it in the morgue."

She reached for it but he held it back.

"Why didn't you call me?" he asked.

"I told you. Ecklie can order me…"

"You didn't call me when you were in Tennessee."

She looked at him strangely.

"I turned it off at the airport and then I forgot. I got off the plane and went straight to the hospital and I met Mary…his wife. She uhm showed me his medals and photos. They had a daughter…a few years younger than me. She's dead. She was killed in a shooting…he uhm was nice. Not what I expected. I'm not sure what I expected…that's not true. I expected him to be mean and cruel and lash out at me but instead he was…a kind and gentle…Grissom, I uhm…don't feel well," she said trying to sit back down on the curb.

He grabbed for her then.

"Let's get you home," he said urgently.

Note from author:

I have really enjoyed the reviews. Sorry for the late posting…my anniversary…

Please continue to be kind and leave a review for each chapter!

Take care,

Penny


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve:**

The ride was long and quiet.

He unlocked her door and she immediately went to the bed.

She no sooner sat down but was back up.

She was not sure why.

She felt she needed to do something.

"Lie down," he said softly.

"Lie down," she said back as she did what she was told.

She closed her eyes but then they shot open.

"Shift…it's time for shift," she said getting up.

"You're off tonight," he said.

"I'm off."

She sat there unsure of his words.

"Ecklie…he'll want that report," she said swinging her legs back over the edge.

"No, he won't. I'll handle him," he said.

She still sat there.

"Sara, you need to sleep."

"I can't," she cried. "I don't know how. Too much to think about…too much to process…too much…"

He sat down and held her.

"You'll feel better once you've slept."

"He uhm held me. He was warm and gentle and he kissed me on the cheek. He misses his daughter. He uhm thought I was her."

Grissom's chest tightened.

"I'm sorry Sara."

"He wasn't anything like I thought he would be. He's a gentle and kind man but he's broken…Mary said he has flashbacks…nightmares…we're a lot alike…he and I. She gave me the sample…

I haven't been able to run it yet. She was very nice…wanted me to visit him again…wanted me to know him…" she gulped back tears. "Too much Grissom…too much."

"I know. I'm sorry," he said rubbing her back as he leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.

"So tired," she said.

"Lie back down," he said.

She did.

He pulled the covers up.

"You should go," she said closing her eyes.

"I'll be right back," he said.

He stepped out and shut the door.

He flipped open his phone and called Catherine.

"Cath…something has come up. I won't be in," he said.

"Anything wrong?" she asked.

"Just need to take care of some things," he said. "Sara will not be in. She worked a double."

"We heard. Since when does Ecklie assign us cases?"

"When he's an ass."

Catherine smiled. "Don't worry. It'll be fine. Have you seen Sara? Her car is parked in the back and we've been worried."

"She's at home."

"Good."

He ended the conversation before she could ask any more questions.

The bedroom was quiet.

He sat there on the couch and tried to formulate an apology.

She deserved one.

An hour passed.

He jumped when he heard her screams.

She was up out of the bed and panting.

"Sara?"

She stood there heaving.

"Just a dream," he said walking toward her.

She stepped back.

"Sara?"

"I don't want to sleep," she said. "I'm not sleeping!"

"Let's eat," he said.

She glanced at the bed.

"Eat?"

"I'll fix you a veggie omelet," he said.

"Omelet," she repeated.

She sat there at the table and watched as he cooked.

Her head drooped once or twice and she propped it up with her hand.

"Juice?" he asked.

"Coffee," she said.

"Let's have juice," he said setting two glasses on the table followed by two plates.

He sat down and began to eat.

She took a bite and then another.

She finished the omelet followed by the juice.

She started to clear the dishes when he stopped her.

"They can wait," he said.

He pulled her up and headed toward the bedroom.

"I don't want to sleep," she said dragging her feet.

"We don't have to sleep," he said.

She followed.

She did more than just follow.

She made the first move by removing her clothing and stood there naked in front of him.

He wasn't sure of his plan at that moment. "Maybe we…"

She began pulling at his clothing.

"Sara…"

"Please," she said.

It was enough.

He stripped his clothing and brought her body up next to his. She pulled him away from the bed and felt her back against the wall. She kissed him as he tried to pull back toward the bed but

she refused. She wrapped one leg about his waist and he held his breath as she rubbed against him causing him to become fully aroused.

"Sara…"

She was kissing him again as he felt her hand slip down and position him inside her. One thrust and he sank deeply inside her. She moaned as she kissed his neck and then he was

thrusting again. She felt each one and she matched it. He lifted her leg as he sunk completely inside her and he thrust once more sending her over the edge. He carried her to the bed and

continued his lovemaking. She came again and again until he spilled himself inside her. It had been more intense than any other coupling they had experienced. He pulled her up against him

grabbing the blanket as well.

"No sleep," she murmured between yawns.

"Just lay here," he whispered.

He grinned when he looked down and she had fallen asleep.

It had worked.

He kissed her tenderly on the forehead and closed his own eyes.

Hours passed and he finally woke.

He felt her body on top of his as he glanced down and smiled.

He turned his head to remove the brown hair from his face.

He gently moved her over and slipped out of the bed.

He woke her two hours before shift.

She sat up and stared at him.

"Good evening," he said.

"You're here," she said.

"Yes…I am."

"You usually leave," she said.

It was true.

"I was worried about you. You slept for ten hours," he said.

"What time is it?" she asked suddenly.

"Two hours before shift," he said.

"I need to shower," she said.

"Shower and then we'll have dinner before shift," he said.

She stood and moaned.

"Sore?" he asked.

"Yes," she said.

"New position," he said.

She whirled around.

"Not a dream?" she questioned.

"If it was, it was a good dream," he said with a grin.

She smiled.

The food was delivered by the time she had gotten out of the shower.

She stood there and smelled the aroma.

"That was fast," she said.

"I ordered it before I woke you," he said.

Once they were finished, there was a tap at the door.

She opened it and found Brass.

"Need a lift to work?" he asked.

"I do?"

"Your car is at the lab," said Grissom.

"Oh."

He stood and grabbed his jacket.

"See you at work," he said as he left.

"I'll get my jacket," she said to Brass.

She worked with him that night. He began a slow meticulous pace and she joined him. As he increased, she did as well. He smiled at her once or twice and she returned the smile. It did not

go unnoticed by Brass.

The shift ended and he found her at his office door.

"Night," she said.

"Sara, have you run the last test?" he asked.

"No…I've been meaning to…"

"Give it to me," he said. "I'll have an answer for you soon."

"I think I already know," she said.

"You should know for certain," he said.

She handed him the plastic bag and he stared at her.

"I was going to do it myself," she said.

He nodded in understanding.

"Need a sample from me?" she asked.

"I still have a sample of your blood," he said.

She grinned as she turned and left.

She stood at his door before shift.

He knew she would come there first.

He motioned for her to shut the door and she did.

"You have the results."

"Yes, I do."

"It's him. Isn't it?" she asked.

"No…it wasn't."

She stared at him in disbelief.

"That's it," she said. "There's no one else on the list."

"Sara…"

"Are you sure?" she asked. "I looked like…their daughter. He uhm looked like me."

"I ran it twice," he said.

"Then that's it," she said. "All this work for nothing. I'm no closer than…"

"Sara, you may never find him."

"Probably just as well," she said picking at her blouse. "I almost had a murderer for a father."

"Let's have breakfast," he offered.

"No thanks," she said as she got up and headed for the door. "Griss? Thanks for everything…really."

She was gone before he could reply.

Note from author:

I so feel sorry for Sara…time to have some angst speed things up. Please continue with the reviews.

Take care,

Penny


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen:**

He knew she was disappointed.

He spent two hours contemplating going to her apartment but finally decided she needed some time alone.

She came in early for work that night.

He noticed she was on her third cup of coffee by the time assignments were handed out.

"Greg and Sara, you're with me," he said. "We have a double homicide."

Greg smiled, "I call the front seat."

Grissom frowned.

"Unless you want to sit with me in the back," said Greg to Sara.

She grinned. "No thanks Greggo."

"Don't know what you might be missing," he said.

"Yeah…I do," she said. "I'll pass."

Nick and Warrick snickered.

Greg frowned.

"Cold," he muttered. "That was cold."

Sara sat in the back seat with her eyes closed.

She knew that he had checked more than once in his rearview mirror.

Their eyes had met.

She had given him a slight smile.

She was fine.

She had a full blown pity party in the shower and had then slept on the couch.

Memories of their lovemaking had kept her awake.

She had wanted him again but knew not to expect too much.

It was Grissom after all.

"What a mess," said Greg.

"Looks like the struggle began in here by the blood on the floor and walls," he said.

Greg stared at the woman lying face down.

"She didn't get very far," said Sara.

David stepped in.

"Sorry I'm late. I just left a double homicide."

"Double? This was the only double…" began Grissom.

"The other victim died," he said.

He examined the woman's body while Grissom stepped into the bedroom where the young boy lay. He shook his head. He hated working cases in which a child had been killed. David viewed the multiple stab wounds.

"Looks like she died from stab wounds…wait, there's a bullet hole," he said.

Greg picked up a knife that lay half hidden under the couch. "I think I have the weapon…at least one of them."

"Why use both?" asked Sara.

David stood. He stepped back and felt something under his foot.

"It looks like the other weapon," he said holding it up. "It looks like it jammed," he said. "The trigger is jammed."

"Be careful with that," said Sara. "Those can…"

The gun exploded and David let it drop to the floor.

"Shit!" yelled Greg.

Grissom grabbed his revolver and ran back into the living room.

"What happened?"

"The gun went off," David managed to get out. "I did it."

"It was an accident," said Sara feeling a bit light headed.

"Sara!" yelled Grissom as he ran over to her.

Sara looked down and saw the blood oozing from her side. She immediately pressed her hand against the bloodied area and felt as if she were going to be sick.

"Call an ambulance," yelled Grissom.

"Let me see," said David.

Blood dripped down onto the floor mixing with the other blood.

"I'm contaminating the crime scene," she said as she felt herself going down on her knees.

"I've got you," said Grissom.

"The bullet grazed her but the wound is deep," he said. "We need to stop the bleeding…keep the pressure right here."

"I need to move," she said. "The scene…"

Grissom carried her out of the house and set her down on the porch.

His arms slid protectively around her.

"Greg, grab a blanket out of the Denali."

Greg ran and returned with the blanket along with a bottle of water.

Grissom wrapped her up as he continued to keep pressure on the wound.

She winced. "This hurts…much worse than a knee."

"I know honey," he said.

"I think I'm going to be sick," she said.

"Breathe in deeply," he said. "That's it."

She vomited after the second inhale.

He held her tight as she cursed from the pain.

"Son of a …"

The ambulance arrived and he watched as her vitals were taken.

"Blood pressure is down. We need to transport her now."

"I'm coming with her," said Grissom.

"No! We have a double homicide that's just been contaminated and David is a mess," she said.

He stared at her in disbelief.

"It grazed me…hurts like shit…stay," she said.

The medics were already lifting her inside the ambulance.

He started to get in when she again refused to let him come.

"Stay…Greg and David need you."

He stood there and watched as the ambulance drove away.

He looked down and stared at the blood on the porch.

It was Sara's.

"Let's get this done," he called to Greg who stood there as well.

He pulled out his phone. "Conrad, we need some help out here. Pull someone from swing to help."

He gave the details.

He could do nothing else until more help arrived.

She was sick again.

Soon, the top of the ambulance was replaced by the lights in the ER.

She felt herself being lifted once more and found herself in an examining room.

A nurse appeared with questions.

"No allergies…no medication…what?"

"Are you pregnant?"

"No."

"Is there a possibility you could be pregnant?"

"No…maybe…no…I'm just a day late," she said.

"We'll check."

They did.

She lay there breathing into a bag they had given her for the nausea but she felt she needed it in order to avoid hyperventilating.

"Are you sure?' she asked the nurse.

"Yes."

"First missed period?" she asked.

Sara nodded.

"It's early…would you like to talk with someone from family planning?"

"No."

"There's a clinic…"

"No!"

"Is there anyone you want us to contact?"

She closed her eyes and felt the tear slipped down.

"No."

She grabbed the nurse's arm.

"Confidential…I don't want my condition mentioned to anyone," she said.

"I'll make a note in your file," said the nurse.

She was reluctant to take any pain medicine.

She voiced her concerns about the pregnancy and while they stated there was no possible harm, she chose to abstain.

They had used a local anesthetic in order to stitch the wound.

She bit her lip and counted seven stitches.

She stared down at the three inch wound.

She had been lucky.

If she had moved, it could have hit vital organs.

She glanced up and saw Brass standing there.

"I lied and told them I was your father," he said.

It was not the thing to say.

She leaned over and filled the bag she was holding.

"Better?" he asked.

She nodded.

"They said you could go," he said. "You look green."

"It's just the after effects of the drugs," she lied.

"I can take you home," he said.

He helped her off the table and she practically fell.

"Lean on me," he said.

She was home within an hour.

She made her way to the couch.

"Don't you think you should go to bed?" he asked.

"This is good," she said needing to lie down immediately.

"You okay? You don't look good."

"I've been shot. I'm not good. It hurts," she said.

"Can I get you anything?"

"Sleep," she said sounding a bit woozy.

The local was more potent than she thought.

She was asleep within minutes.

He sat with her while she slept.

There was a tap on the door and he answered it to find Grissom.

"They told me they released her. How is she?" he said.

"She's got stitches…pain medication is making her drowsy. She fell asleep about an hour ago."

Grissom sighed out loud.

"How's David?"

"Basket case," said Grissom. "Greg isn't much better. I imagine he'll be here when he finishes."

"How did you…"

"I had swing come in and help. We were almost done by the time someone got there. I wanted to go with her but she wouldn't let me."

"Scared the hell out of me when I got the call that one of you had been shot," said Brass.

"It scared the hell out of me when I saw that she had been shot."

"I think she's going to sleep for awhile," said Brass.

"I'll stay with her," offered Grissom.

"That's not necessary," said Brass.

"I insist," said Grissom.

"So do I."

"Coffee?" asked Grissom.

They made coffee as they sat there watching her sleep.

She stirred and both were on their feet.

"She should be in bed," said Grissom.

"She wanted the couch," said Brass.

"She's not comfortable," said Grissom.

He agreed.

Grissom started to pick her up when Brass intervened.

"I'll carry her," said Brass.

"You have a bad back," reminded Grissom.

"So do you," said Brass.

Grissom started to lift her when she opened her eyes.

"I can walk," she said as she sat up slowly.

"How's the wound?" asked Grissom.

"Hurts like…crap," she said.

They both smirked.

"Glad you guys have a sense of humor," she said as she started to stand.

Grissom reached for her but she put her hand up.

"I'm good," she said as she headed to the bedroom.

She stopped and turned. "I'm fine. There's no need for you guys to stay."

She turned and closed the bedroom behind her.

Brass and Grissom looked at one another.

"Cards?" asked Brass.

"I'll get the deck," said Grissom as Brass walked over and made another pot of coffee.

They played several hands, each losing miserably to the other.

Greg arrived as Grissom guessed.

He wanted to see Sara but he was blocked by the two.

"Is this poker?" he asked.

Grissom and Brass looked at one another.

"Sit down and we'll deal you in," said Grissom.

"Really?" asked Greg as he sat down.

"Now, let me explain a few things," said Brass.

David arrived next.

He brought flowers and candy.

One look at him and they pulled up a chair setting him down.

"It was an accident," he said.

"We know," said Grissom. "The gun would have gone off if anyone handled it."

"I should go," he said. "My wife has been calling."

Nick and Warrick arrived.

Greg let them in.

David disappeared and Nick took his place at the table.

Warrick pulled up a bar stool.

"So, no one can sleep, huh?" asked Brass.

"Man, there was as much as Sara's blood on the living room floor as the victim's," said Greg. "We had to include it in the report as well as type it. Sara is now officially in CODIS."

"I couldn't believe it when the call came in," said Warrick. "We were stuck at a crime scene but all we wanted to do was go to the hospital."

Grissom nodded.

"Cards anyone?" asked Brass.

There was a knock and they looked at one another.

"Can't be Catherine. She said she was going to stay over and help process," said Nick.

"Pizza," said Greg. "I was hungry."

He stood and returned with the pizza. There was a flurry and he looked down at two slices remaining.

"Nice of you to be so considerate," he muttered.

Cards were shuffled and the game began.

It was on their third hand that the bedroom door opened and she emerged.

"What is going on?" she asked.

"Did we wake you?" asked Grissom.

"No…I was hungry," she said.

They looked down at the empty pizza box.

"Sorry," said Greg.

"I don't think I could manage pizza," she said.

"Chinese?" asked Grissom.

"That would be good," she said.

He placed the order and soon she was back on the couch with a blanket. "So who's winning?" she asked.

"Warrick."

She smiled. "He's good."

"You want to play cupcake?" asked Warrick.

"Another time," she said.

"How are you feeling?" asked Brass.

"Sore…it figures I would get shot on the side I sleep on."

"Want a drink?" asked Brass.

"Oh yeah," she said but then she glanced at the others. "Juice…just juice."

The Chinese arrived and she sat there on the couch and ate.

"This is good," she said.

"We should go," said Nick glancing at the clock.

"We might get a few hours sleep," said Warrick.

The guys said their goodbyes as she set the container down.

"Finished?" asked Grissom.

"Yes," she said. "I think I ate too much."

She looked at the two. "You can go. I'm fine really."

Brass and Grissom looked at one another.

"You sure?" asked Brass.

"Yes."

They left.

She sat there and tried to formulate a plan about the pregnancy.

_I'll have to tell him…_

_It's still early…_

_We've been getting closer…_

_We…_

She yawned.

Her plan could wait.

She was too exhausted.

Note from author:

Yes, I couldn't resist to add a pregnancy…you know me…anyway, leave a review.

Take care,

Penny


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen:**

Grissom knew he would not sleep.

It had been too close.

The fear of losing her was too great.

He sat there now and looked at the evidence from the case.

Her name was listed throughout the report as well as the before and after photos of the blood stains.

He pulled up CODIS and saw her name appear.

_Too close…_

_I could have lost her…_

A thought entered his mind and he shrugged it off but then the more he thought about it, he found himself running her DNA to see if there was a match.

_What if it matches to a crime?_

_What if it matches to a criminal?_

_I couldn't tell her…_

_Of course there are victims listed as well…_

He stared at the screen when it began to flash.

There was a match.

He stared at the name.

He ran it again.

He sat back and covered his mouth.

_It couldn't be…_

_It couldn't be…_

He heard the banging and immediately thought the worst.

He opened the door immediately.

"What's wrong?" asked Brass.

"I need to talk with you," said Grissom.

"Is this about Sara?" he asked.

"Yes, it is."

"Is she okay?"

"She's fine…listen I need to ask you a few questions."

"Shoot."

"You were stationed in Tomales Bay thirty two years ago."

"Yes."

Grissom motioned for them to sit down. "Do you have a beer?"

Brass returned with two.

"Did you meet a young woman…a married woman?"

Brass sat back.

"How did you know?"

"Tell me what happened," said Grissom.

"I was young…too damn young. I decided I was going to enter the Marines and was stationed in Tomales Bay. It was supposed to be for six weeks but then my father had a heart attack and I went back home until he died."

"What about the girl?"asked Grissom.

"I saw this young girl crying outside a diner. She was beautiful. I followed her inside and sat down. We talked and then took a walk through the park and around the block a few times."

"She told you she was married."

"Yes…it was after…I was stupid and naïve. I had no idea she was married. I was angry with her at first but then I could see she had never planned to have an affair. It didn't help that I later discovered she was being physically abused by her husband. I tried to talk her into leaving the jerk but she refused. She had a son. She said her husband promised he would never hurt her again. I didn't believe the bastard. She broke it off and for awhile I went back to the diner but I never saw her again. I later had to return home because of my father," he said.

Brass stared at Grissom.

"Why the interest in my past especially my past indiscretions?"

"What name did you go by?" asked Grissom.

Brass grinned. "For years, my friends called me Andy which was short for Andrew. It's my middle name. When my father died, I began using my first name…my father's name, Jim."

"Your full name is James Andrew Brass."

"Yes. Why the questions?"

"When Sara's mother died, she told Sara that John Sidle was not her father. She told her about a young man by the name of Andy whom she had had an affair with. He was going into the Marines."

Brass stared at Grissom in disbelief.

"The list of names," said Brass. "You were searching for me."

"Yes. I guess your friend never bothered to include you since you were making the request."

"Oh shit," said Brass.

"Sara's DNA was put in CODIS…you came up as a match."

"My DNA was entered that time I was shot years ago," he said.

"Sara doesn't know any of this."

"Sara," said Brass. "Sara is my daughter."

"Yes, she is."

"All this time I felt like she was mine. I couldn't explain it."

"You want to tell her?" asked Grissom.

"I uhm…how is she going to react? I mean…all these years…why the hell didn't she try to find me?"

"She did. Once she found out she was pregnant, she tried to find you. You were gone by then."

He cursed. "I always thought about her…always was haunted by her…always wondered what became of her. It took me years to get over her. I finally just settled for someone else and married. It was a mistake. She cheated on me and then there was Ellie."

He cursed again.

"What do you want to do?" asked Grissom.

"We should tell her," said Brass.

They both stood.

They drove separately.

He wasn't sure how he felt about the discovery. Brass had been his friend for too many years to remember. He also knew he was twelve years older than him.

_I'm forty seven…_

_Brass is fifty nine…_

_Sara is thirty two…_

_She's fifteen years younger than me…_

The age difference had always bothered him but then it had not mattered when he gave in and made love to her.

He wasn't sure how Brass would feel about their relationship.

He knocked.

She answered the door and stared at him.

"I need to talk with you," said Grissom. "I've located your father."

She stared at him.

"Can I come in?" asked Grissom.

"Yes."

"Sara, sit down," he said.

"This is bad, isn't it?" she asked as she sat down on the couch.

"They put your DNA in CODIS…"

"Great, let me guess, he's a criminal," she said with a sigh.

"Worse," he said. "He's in law enforcement."

"You're kidding right?" she asked as she rubbed her head.

"You okay?"

"Headache," she said.

"Sorry," he said. "The match came up and I double checked it."

"So, who is it?"

"I brought him," he said.

"You what?" she asked. "I'm not sure about this. I uhm…"

"Sara, trust me. This is going to be good," he said as he walked over to the door and opened it.

She stared at Brass.

She looked past him.

"Where…"

Her head jerked back to Brass.

"Hey, kiddo," he gruffly said. "I'm Andy….my middle name is Andrew. I fell in love with your mom…if I had known…I never would have left," he said.

She stared at him.

"Sara?" asked Brass. "Can I hold you?"

She rushed to him despite the pain in her side.

He held her tight.

"So sorry," he managed to get out. "I always loved you…couldn't explain it…just did."

"Me too," she said.

"I'll leave you to talk alone," said Grissom.

She turned now and kissed Grissom fully on the lips. "Thank you Gil. Thank you so much."

He smiled and then left.

He wasn't surprised when Brass called in sick that night.

He knew he was still with Sara.

It's where he wanted to be.

He needed to remind himself that they were a couple.

They were, right?

He seemed anxious but he wasn't sure why.

He should feel happy.

Sara had her father.

It was Brass.

It was his friend.

_Brass is just twelve years older than me..._

_Sara is fifteen years younger than me…_

He felt the familiar insecurity creep in.

_She wants me…_

_Of course she does…_

_The way she makes love to me…_

He shut the book and returned to his experiment.

He smiled when Brass walked into his office.

"How is she?"

"She's good," he said as he sat down. "I've just spent the last twelve hours talking her head off. She uhm told me quite a few things…I did the same. I can't make up for the past…God knows the kid has been through a lot but I'm here now."

"She's lucky to have you as a father," said Grissom.

"We've known each other for years…sixteen years to be exact," said Brass. "That's one year less than the difference between your ages."

They stared at one another.

"Jim…"

"She looks up to you. She always has…she admires you. You're a well educated man. She's always been attracted to you," said Brass.

"Jim…"

"She doesn't need you."

It hurt.

"I've watched you hurt her over and over throughout the years and I sat back until recently and did nothing. What's the age difference between the two of us? Eleven or twelve years?"

Grissom said nothing.

"She deserves someone her own age. She deserves to find someone who isn't going to hurt her."

"I'm not going to hurt her," he said.

"You have. You have over and over. You've let her get close and then you've pushed her away."

"I uhm not going to do that anymore."

"No, you're not. I'm not going to let you."

They stared at one another.

"What does Sara want?"

"Sara wants to be happy. She wants to settle down and start a family." Brass stared at him. "Can you say the same thing?"

He had never thought about a family.

He had put such notions away a long time ago.

"I uhm…"

"Right. She wants a family and a husband who she can grow old with…someone for life. She could have those things if you would let her."

"I could…"

He wanted to say he could give her all of those things but then he wasn't sure. He was forty seven. He was past the age of starting a family. He wanted to say he could. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

He wanted to make her happy.

She had been happy.

Wasn't she?

He felt as if he had been kicked in the gut by the time Brass stood to leave.

"If you care for her at all, you'll let her know it's okay for her to find someone else. Let her go Gil. Understand?"

He didn't wait for a reply.

He was gone.

Grissom sat there trying to tell himself he should breathe but at the moment he did not wish to do so.

He cursed.

He cursed at Brass.

He cursed at himself.

He was right.

He had done those things.

He refused to listen to Brass.

He told himself that the man was just being overly protective.

_He'll come around in awhile…_

_He'll see how much I love her…_

_He'll see I'll never hurt her again…_

_He'll see…_

Note from author:

I know…Brass did go overboard…poor Grissom…

I love the reviews. Please continue to leave them.

Take care,

Penny


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen:**

It was a simple case.

There was no murder or crime.

A body had been found.

A body had been found in a home by the wife.

One look and he knew the cause of death.

It was a heart attack.

Doc viewed the body and confirmed.

It was a classic case of heart attack.

The wife was sitting in a chair in the next room.

He stood there and observed.

The body was removed.

He saw her eyes follow it until it disappeared out of sight.

She had loved him.

There was no doubt.

At the moment he was sure she wanted to die.

Grissom's mother had wanted to die when his father died.

He remembered the endless nights of listening to her cry.

He had cried himself.

He didn't understand.

His father had been healthy but he was old.

Grissom was almost his father's age.

The officer was asking the basic questions.

Grissom was glad Brass was not there.

The woman was young.

She was much younger than her husband.

She was distraught.

It was no act.

He had seen too many in his lifetime to know when someone was faking.

She wasn't.

"We had breakfast this morning and we were both getting ready to leave. He said he forgot to take his vitamins. I didn't think anything about it. I uhm kissed him goodbye…just a peck on the cheek…I didn't know it would be our last…I would have…"

She stopped and stared at the spot where her husband had died.

"He didn't call at lunch. He usually does so I called his cell. He didn't answer but I thought he was tied up with a client. I went back to work. I never thought about it again until I came home and I saw his car parked out front. When I walked by it I noticed it was cold…not been moved and then I felt this awful feeling so I ran into the house and I found him on the kitchen floor."

She cried.

"I'm always forgetting things. He often joked at how many times I have to return inside the house before leaving. I didn't forget a single thing this morning. If I had I would have found him. I would have…"

"It was a massive heart attack," Grissom said. "You probably could not have done anything."

She turned and looked at him.

"I could have held him. I could have said goodbye. I could have…" she stopped as the racking sobs began. A neighbor next door was let in and she came to comfort the woman.

Grissom glanced around the house.

By the photos they probably had been married less than ten years.

_Leave her alone…_

_Let her find someone her own age…_

_Someone she can grow old with…_

_This could be us…_

_My father died of a heart attack when I was nine…_

_He fell asleep on the couch and never woke up…_

_Sara would be alone…_

_She deserves to be happy…_

The case became personal.

He couldn't help it.

He saw himself.

He saw Sara.

He saw their future.

He realized there probably wasn't much.

He'd wasted so many years.

His hands shook as he collected the evidence.

He finished the case and then clocked out.

He could not get to the townhouse quick enough.

He shut the door and locked it.

He turned off his cell.

He was alone.

He sat there now in his chair and listened to the silence.

He had done that for years.

It was once comforting.

Now, he knew it would sound like this for the rest of his life.

A piece of ice clanged against the glass in his hand as he took another sip of the liquid as it burned his throat.

It felt good.

It was better than feeling numb.

She seemed happy when she came in that night.

He stood outside the door and listened as the guys teased her.

"We recovered the bullet," said Nick. "It was dented. It must be that thick skin of yours."

"So funny Nicky," she said.

"Does is it still hurt?" asked Greg.

"Yes but I don't mind," she said "It was worth it."

"Since when is getting shot worth it?"

"Since I got more than just a scar," she said smiling.

"What did you…"

"We've got assignments," called Grissom.

She flashed her signature smile at him but he remained somber.

It faded for a moment but then returned when the guys continued their antics.

"Could we get started?" asked Grissom.

The others looked at one another.

"Nick, you and Sara have the case just called in."

She was disappointed.

She wanted to work with him.

She had missed him.

She wanted and needed to talk with him.

She decided she would catch him during shift.

He seemed to dodge her during the entire shift and she grew insecure.

By the end of the shift she had disregarded it as a busy shift and told herself it was just hormones.

She was beginning to feel them more and more.

She wasn't sure about the baby.

She had never thought about having a family.

In fact, she hadn't considered it since she did not feel she could ever be a good mother given her past family history.

She had not even considered settling down with one person until she met Grissom.

He changed everything.

She didn't want the family and the picket fence dream.

She just wanted him.

Marriage had never crossed her mind.

She just wanted him.

Living together did not even have to be part of the deal.

She just wanted him.

She waited until his office was clear to come and tap at the door.

He seemed surprised since most everyone had left by now.

He had immersed himself with an experiment to avoid running into any of them.

"Hey," she said softly.

He didn't look up but felt his skin tingle with the melody in her voice.

"You should be off the clock," he said.

"I am…not working…just wanted to wait for you," she said.

"I'm busy," he lied.

She felt the familiar tug of insecurity but shrugged it off.

"I was going to cook dinner before shift and have Jim over…I wanted you to come also," she said.

"I can't," he replied.

He could.

He wanted to do nothing more than to come over.

He wanted to hold her and love her.

He cleared his throat and took the chance to look at her. "I've gotten behind."

She glanced at the in box and noticed it was empty.

Their eyes met.

"Briefcase," he said.

He hated to lie.

"I could help," she offered as she stepped forward. "You probably got behind because of me. You've done so much and it's the least I can do."

"No thanks," he said.

"You could come over now…I'll treat you to one of my omelets. I'm pretty good…"

"I have other plans," he said.

The familiar feeling went into overdrive.

"Okay. We'll plan a date…it doesn't have to be a date…just come over after shift tonight," she said.

"Sara…"

"You're busy," she finished for him.

He did not dare look at her face for fear he would see the hurt and disappointment.

"I have a lot of things I need to do," he said.

"I need to talk with you," she said. "I need to tell you something."

"I'm glad you found your father. Jim will take good care of you. He won't ever let you down."

"I uhm didn't need to talk with you about Jim. I needed to talk with you about …us."

"Us?"

She felt her stomach churning.

"Yes…us…Griss, is there something wrong? Have I done something?"

"No. I uhm didn't know there was an us."

He said it.

He couldn't believe he had said it.

He felt his stomach do a somersault and then his chest tightened.

He was sure it was a heart attack as he felt the sweat on his forehead.

She swallowed hard.

"I thought there was. We've been…you don't want this, do you? You probably never did. I was just a distraction or maybe I started it and you felt obligated to continue…not set the poor girl off given her background."

He didn't want her to feel that way.

"Sara…"

"I get it," she said swiping at her eyes and angry for letting a single tear drop in front of him.

"I never meant to hurt you."

"No, you just wanted a good screw and then go back to doing what you always do…so how long this time?"

"What?"

"I know the game. I chase, you tease, I follow and as soon as I get close you push me away. Of course the game never ends. It starts all over. So how long do I have to wait this time…I mean I waited almost five years to get this close but then you let me touch you this time…was it because you thought I was growing tired of the game…maybe you felt sorry for me. What was it Grissom?"

He knew he was going to have a heart attack.

His pulse was racing.

His breathing was irregular and his heart was definitely in trouble.

Yes, it hurt.

It hurt like hell.

He stood there and mustered all of his strength and did nothing.

He finally looked up and she was gone.

She was nowhere in sight.

It was as if she had vanished.

She had gotten good at that over the years.

He knew now that she vanished so he did not see the tears.

He had seen them already.

He saw the wetness on her cheeks.

He slumped down in the chair.

It was done.

He had let her go.

He had done what Jim had told him to do.

He no longer liked Jim.

He hated him.

He no longer considered him a friend.

He had lost a friend.

He had lost the only person he had ever loved.

Worse, he had hurt her and then tossed her aside.

She canceled dinner plans with Brass.

She turned off her cell.

She turned on the shower and sat there in the floor of the shower as she had a complete falling apart.

It was the best one she ever had.

There was the racking sobs, the beating of the fists against the walls, the hiccups and the tears that did not seem to want to stop.

She had it all.

It was interrupted by the sudden urge to vomit.

She dragged herself out of the shower and into the floor as she hugged the toilet.

She heaved and heaved until she could not heave any more.

She was completely exhausted by the time it eased.

She felt the emotions welling up again and she yelled out in frustration.

"I should have known he would do this. I should have known he didn't love me. I should have known!"

The storm passed.

She felt somewhat calm as she pulled herself up.

There was work to do.

She dressed and then cleaned every inch of the apartment.

She yanked the sheets and bed covers from the bed and tossed them in the trash.

It would be one less thing to wash and besides he had slept there.

She would have thrown the mattress away if she felt she could have gotten it down the steps and to the dumpster but then it was a bit overboard.

She had just purchased it a year ago.

The furniture was vacuumed and the floors scrubbed.

She visited the bathroom again between cleanings and then realized she had not eaten.

It was not good.

She fixed a salad and ate.

She felt better.

The apartment was now done.

There was more work that needed to be done.

There was the matter of the aftermath of their…she was not sure what to call it.

It wasn't a relationship.

It wasn't an affair.

It had been sex among an employer and his employee.

She turned her attention back to the aftermath.

There was the matter of the pregnancy.

She could not believe she had been so stupid.

They had been careless once or twice and now she was left to deal with the end result.

She took a deep breath and picked up the phone.

There wasn't much she could do.

The appointment was made.

Note from author:

So, don't send hate mail…leave a review. BY the way I do read all of them and I appreciate each and every comment.

Take care,

Penny


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen:**

She marked it on the calendar although she was doubtful she would forget to go.

The pregnancy filled her every waking moment.

She looked for signs that it really existed.

The nausea reminded her but still she often got sick when her nerves went into overdrive.

She often threw up as a child.

She arrived a few minutes before shift.

She felt if there were going to be changes she might as well start immediately.

She forced herself to wait just before shift to come into the lab.

She had made herself drive around until it was safe to arrive.

No more would she bother racing in to visit with him before shift.

She frowned when he wasn't even there.

She didn't care.

He had hurt her.

She didn't care.

"Where's Griss?" asked Warrick.

"His car is not here," said Nick.

"Have you seen him Sara?" asked Warrick.

"No."

The guys stared at the clock.

"He's called Catherine," said Warrick.

The others nodded.

She told herself she didn't care.

They sat there waiting for assignments as they chatted.

Catherine rushed in and grabbed a cup of coffee.

"So where is the bugman?" asked Greg.

Catherine suddenly noticed all eyes were on her.

"I have no clue," said Catherine.

The others looked at one another.

Sara didn't think she cared.

"He's not here?" asked Catherine.

"No."

"Well maybe he called in to Ecklie," said Catherine.

She picked up her phone and dialed.

Her voice was muffled.

"He's not heard from him," she said.

The guys were getting up now.

"This is not like Grissom," said Warrick.

"Yeah. The man is never late and he always calls," said Nick.

Sara felt her hand slipping out her cell and checking it under the table.

_No messages…_

She felt a little uneasy even though she told herself she did not care.

"Maybe we should go to his home," said Nick.

"Wait, you guys…" began Catherine.

"You know he worked a case where a guy had a heart attack and wasn't found until nine hours later by his wife."

"Griss doesn't have heart problems," said Catherine.

"Neither did this guy. He golfed, played tennis …just had a massive heart attack and fell over dead."

She was worried.

_He has high blood pressure…_

_I've seen the medication…_

She told herself she cared.

She felt her stomach knot.

The contents of her dinner threatened to resurface when he stepped into the room.

"Sorry, I'm late," he said quietly.

"We thought you were dead," said Greg.

His head shot up.

"Why?"

"You were late. You hadn't called," said Nick.

"We were going to go to your home…hey do you have creepy experiments everywhere?" asked Greg.

"Didn't Judy give you the message?" he asked.

Judy came rushing in. "Hey, Grissom called and said…"

She stopped when she saw Grissom. "Sorry."

He frowned but pulled out the assignments.

He looked tired.

He didn't look well.

She didn't care.

She told herself she didn't care again.

She was paired with Warrick.

That was good.

She grabbed her things and fled the room.

It was back to purely business.

They both knew it.

Catherine waited until the others had left the room before she approached him.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Yes."

"You sure? You look tired," she said.

"I've been pulling a lot of hours," he said.

"Since when is that any different? You know you can talk with me if …"

"Don't you have work to do?" he asked.

"You know you can pull that crap with the others but not me. I know better. You're avoiding us. You come in here just in time to give out assignments. You barely make yourself available during shift. Who are you avoiding? All of us or one in particular?"

"None of you," he said.

"Right," she said.

She stood there and stared at him.

"Shouldn't you be working?" he asked.

"Go to the diner with us after shift," she said.

"I'm busy," he said.

"Okay, have dinner with us before the next shift," she said.

"Still busy," he said.

"So you're back to isolating yourself from everyone," she said.

He said nothing.

"Why?" she asked.

"I have work to do if you don't," he said.

"Gil?"

He turned and looked at her.

"I'm your friend whether you want to be shitty or not. You need me just call…any time…got it?"

He said nothing as he left.

It meant a lot.

He had come to trust Catherine over the years.

He knew she had his back.

He also knew he was avoiding everyone.

If he avoided everyone, he avoided her.

He avoided listening to the others mention her.

He didn't want to know that she had gone on with her life.

He didn't want to hear her laugh and smile and talk with the others.

It wasn't that he didn't want her to be happy.

He did.

He just couldn't bear it at the moment.

It hurt.

The nights turned into days and days into nights.

It had been days since the implosion of his life.

He told himself everything was back the way it was before he had allowed himself to love her but he knew it was different.

He was different.

He was never going to be the same.

He had let himself have her.

He loved her.

He knew that had not changed.

He still wanted her.

He still craved her.

He just couldn't have her.

He told himself it was probably for the best.

It would have gotten out eventually.

He would have been discovered.

He wasn't used to secrets.

He never liked that part of their relationship.

It had been a relationship.

It had been an affair.

It had been the best part of his life and now it was over.

He felt empty.

The loneliness was far worse than he could have imagined.

He had done this before.

He had made his work his life.

It had been his life for so long but now it was dull and sad and lonely and he missed her.

He pulled a double just to avoid going home.

He would have worked another but there was little work these days.

He looked at the calendar where he had marked the end of his life as he knew it.

It had only been a week.

He sighed.

She dressed for the appointment.

Brass had come and dragged her out to dinner.

She didn't want to go but she did it for him.

Brass was happy these days.

She wasn't but she pretended for his sake.

She had not thought about him for at least thirty minutes and she thought she was making progress.

She glanced at her calendar where she had marked in black.

It was a reminder of that fateful day.

She told herself she could go through with this.

She never imagined she would be doing this.

She pushed it out of her mind as she grabbed her keys and headed out the door.

She practically ran into him as she opened the door and he stood there.

"You left your jacket in my car," Brass said.

"I have another one," she said.

"You okay? You were quiet during dinner," he said.

"Me? I'm fine," she said as she glanced at her watch.

"Going somewhere?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Can I take you?" he asked.

"It's an appointment," she said.

"Appointment?"

She fidgeted.

She knew he wanted more information.

"Doctor appointment," she said.

"Are you sick? How is the wound? Is it infected?" he asked.

"No…it's just an annual," she said.

It was her first lie to her father.

Her hormones began to kick in.

She felt a well of tears ready to spill forth.

"Just an annual?" he asked.

"Yes." It was her second lie.

"Oh."

"I should be going so I can get there on time," she said.

"Sara, I know I've been pushy…I'm new at this. I hope you don't think I'm…"

"No! You're not. It's me. It's been a roller coaster these past few weeks," she said.

_Roller coasters…_

_He likes to ride roller coasters…_

_Stop thinking about him…_

_Stop thinking about him when you have this appointment…_

"I'm smothering you," he said.

"No, you're not," she said. "I really have to go."

"Listen, I haven't told anyone yet. I was waiting for you to tell me you were okay with being my daughter."

She was.

She was thrilled he was her father.

She wanted to cry.

"I need more time," she croaked out.

_Once you find out I'm pregnant…_

_You won't be so proud of me…_

_Perhaps you'll even want to keep it just to ourselves…_

She needed to get away from him.

She needed some air.

She felt the tears coming and she knew he would suspect something.

"Sorry. You already said you had to go," he said stepping aside.

She started to walk past him and he hugged her.

It was a simple quick hug.

It was contact.

It was contact with another human being.

Something she was not used to when she had one of these "ends" with Grissom.

She hurried away so he could not ask anything.

She threw the car in reverse and sped off.

It wasn't until she was out of the apartment complex that she let herself begin the tirade of tears.

"Stop it!" she yelled.

She cursed when she saw her phone flash with a message.

She checked the caller ID and saw that it was from Grissom.

She had left the leave request on his desk with a sticky note that he could leave a message on her phone since it would be turned off.

She felt he would return the call knowing that he would not have to speak with her.

She checked her messages.

"I took you off the board for tonight," he had said.

It was simple and to the point.

He had approved the leave.

She wanted to make sure she did not have to work in the event that she would need it after this appointment.

She arrived just as her name was being called.

She took the forms with her as she gave a brief history to the nurse.

"Married?" she asked.

"No."

"Is there a significant other?" she asked.

Sara looked at her.

"Someone we can call in case of an emergency," said the nurse.

"No…wait, you can call my father, Jim…no his last name is Brass," said Sara as she read upside down.

"Brass? You're divorced?" she asked.

"No."

The nurse said nothing but took down the information.

_I'm an illegitimate child…_

_Like my child will be…_

"Miss Sidle, room two," said the nurse.

"What? Yes, room two."

This was it.

She hated the gowns.

She never liked them.

She felt exposed.

She was.

She had gotten pregnant.

The labels had already begun.

There would be questions and a flurry of rumors at the office.

Brass would no doubt be furious.

_He just found out and already he will be disappointed…_

_Some daughter I'm turning out to be…_

Grissom would be livid.

He would surely avoid her now.

He didn't want a family.

He didn't even want her.

"Ms. Sidle, are you alright?" asked the nurse.

"I think I'm going to be sick," she said as she covered her mouth.

The nurse quickly handed her the small trash can.

She filled it.

"I'll get the doctor to prescribe something for the nausea," she said patting her knee. "It'll get better."

"Really? I think it's going to get worse."

It did.

She never liked pelvic exams.

She had endured them every year but now there would be plenty of them.

"First pregnancy?"

She nodded.

"Sometimes during the first exam, there might be some slight discomfort but it will pass. Everything feels good. Nothing to be concerned about."

The doctor continued to talk at length as Sara's brain tried to remember everything.

She must have looked confused because the doctor stopped and said. "I'll write this down."

She nodded.

That was good.

She could read it later after her brain was functioning again.

She didn't think she had gotten past the "some women miscarry in the first three months…it's nature way of…"

Her brain had shut down then.

It was then she knew it.

She didn't want to.

She wanted to transition herself into this.

Her heart had decided on something different.

She wanted it.

She wanted the baby.

The thought of miscarriage scared her.

It was all she had left of him.

He couldn't take this from her.

It was hers.

Note from author:

Ahhhh you know I like angst…it's in my blood… thanks for the reviews. I'm releasing this other chapter early so please be kind and review each one. You are on your honor!

Take care,

Penny


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen:**

_He can refuse to love me…_

_Take away his friendship…_

_Stomp on my affections…_

_But he can't take this back…_

It belonged to her.

"Ms. Sidle, the diet…"

"Vegetarian," she said.

"It's important that you…"

She wasn't listening again.

She was still reveling in the sudden protectiveness she felt for this life living inside her.

It was strong.

It was very strong.

She went home.

She locked her door turning off her phone and then she went straight to bed carrying the bag of food she had picked up.

The evening had been tiresome but she had survived it.

_Worst part is over…._

_First appointment…_

_Getting started…_

She had been given a sample of prenatal vitamins and she took it as soon as she had eaten along with the nausea medicine.

She yawned as she tried to focus on the pamphlets she had been given to read.

She was glad for the time off.

She needed the rest.

She was asleep within minutes.

Brass stared at him while he collected the evidence.

Grissom inched his way across the floor on his knees.

Brass had seen him do this for years.

It was nothing new.

They had not spoken since his visit to his office.

He had been too busy with Sara and now Sara was busy with other things.

He wasn't sure what and he forced himself not to push her.

He saw something different in his friend.

He still considered him a friend.

He knew that would not change.

He just didn't want him to have anything to do with Sara.

"You look like…you haven't slept," said Brass.

Grissom did not look up but continued working.

"Been pulling a lot of doubles," he said.

He kept his eyes focused on the floor.

"Look, Gil we've been friends for…"

Grissom's phone rang.

"Grissom"

He glanced around. "I'll be another hour or so. No, Greg is going to be out of pocket on his case. Nick is on leave…Sara is too. Warrick and Catherine were pulled to assist swing. No, they can't be called in. I'll be there as soon as I can."

He put the phone away and returned to work.

"Sara isn't working tonight?" he asked.

Grissom wiped his brow. "I need to finish this."

"She had an annual doctor appointment today," said Brass.

_She had her annual five months ago…_

He pulled out a fresh glove and continued.

"I'll let you get back to work," said Brass sounding irritated.

He finished over an hour later.

He stood and felt his back crack.

He felt old.

He felt really old and tired and hungry and depressed.

He showed up on the other scene.

Grissom had hoped someone else would come.

Brass did instead.

He watched as Grissom went to work.

By the time he was finished, they were well into the other shift.

"You should have called in the others to help," he said.

"There were no others," he said as he picked up the evidence bags.

Brass stooped to get the kit but he stopped him.

"I can get it," he said.

The man was worn out.

Brass watched as he drank a bottled water and then poured the last bit over his head.

He then got in his vehicle and left.

He managed to get some sleep before shift.

He knew it was from sheer exhaustion.

"Hey how was your parents?" asked Catherine to Nick.

"They were great. I hadn't seen them in months," said Nick. "How was last night?"

"I had a decomp," said Greg.

"Warrick and I were working on that shooting with swing…it's been a nasty case," said Catherine.

"What about you?" asked Nick to Sara.

"I uhm was off," she said.

"Good thing it was a quiet night," said Nick. "I didn't think they let two people off at the same time…unless it's an emergency."

"I heard Grissom was out on two cases," said Greg. "He was still out when I came in. I called and offered to help but he turned me down and told me to go home and sleep."

He walked in and sat down.

The others were quiet.

They stared at him.

"Hey Griss, thanks for not calling me in last night," said Nick. "I'll have my mom send you a homemade pie or something."

He said nothing as he fumbled through his notes.

None of them made any sense.

"Two new cases," he said. "Who's up next?"

"I'll take one," said Nick quickly.

"I'm next," said Sara.

He passed them down.

"Warrick, you and Catherine almost done with swing?"

"Paperwork…we can be put back in the rotation," said Catherine.

"Okay. I'll list you on the board," he said as he stood and headed out the door.

"He looks bad," said Greg.

"Anybody know what's wrong with Griss?" asked Warrick.

They looked at Catherine.

"He won't talk with me," she said. "I've tried."

"Sara?" asked Nick.

"I haven't talked with him," she said getting up.

"Yeah but could you? You two seem to get along," said Nick. "I'm worried about him. I mean that was great what he did but he's exhausted. He should have called. He knew I was just meeting with my folks. What about you?" he asked Sara.

"Doctor appointment…nothing serious," she said.

They stopped.

Nick glanced at her. "You okay? You haven't said anything about the bullet wound…"

"I was grazed. I'm fine. I was just going to be late…I figured I would take the rest of the night off," she said.

She was getting good at lies.

"Since when do you take off for the heck of it?" asked Greg.

"Since now," she said as she walked out.

They were right.

He didn't look good.

She wondered if he had second thoughts.

_Don't do this…_

_Don't even go there…_

_Don't set yourself up…_

_Don't play that game with him anymore…_

_He had his chance…_

_He had his…_

_He could have called…_

_He used to do that…_

_Lead me on and then push me away…_

_But then he would call me in on a case…_

_He didn't do that…_

_He worked it by himself…_

She finished her case in record time.

It wasn't a difficult case.

She returned and found everyone out in the field including Grissom.

She glanced at the description of each case and knew he had the worst of the lot.

She sighed.

She should leave him alone.

She had not been called out to help but then it was general practice for the gang to show up on a scene if they finished early.

It was what made them different from the other shifts.

They cared about each other.

She carried her kit and dropped it on the floor and it made a loud thud.

She looked around and grimaced.

The place was a mess.

It was a virtual pig pen.

An officer came over and smiled at her.

"You missed the excitement," he said.

"Excitement?" she asked.

"Woman went crazy. She started waving a knife…told us to get the hell out of her home," said the cop.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Before we could do anything, he just walks up and tells her to give him the knife… she did," said the cop. "I mean she's yelling and screaming and threatening and he just calmly walks up and ask for the knife. She gave it to him without a single word," he said shaking his head. "Man has balls or just plain crazy."

She turned to see he was pointing at Grissom.

"Him?" she asked for clarification. "Grissom?"

"Yeah that's his name."

_Stupid son of a bitch…_

She fumed.

She squared her shoulders and began to work.

She cleared the room so he moved to another.

Soon she had managed to work him into a corner.

There was no place to hide.

"Last room," she said.

He continued working. "You can leave. I can finish up."

"I'll stay."

"I've got it," he said quietly.

"So do I."

"Pack up and leave."

"No."

His head shot up.

"No?"

"No," she said forcibly.

"I didn't call you out here. You've helped… now leave."

"I'll leave when it's finished."

He grumbled.

She found herself grinning.

She liked that he was upset.

It was something different.

"I gave you an order," he said.

"So you did."

They glared at one another.

He walked over to her and pulled her to the side.

His grip was firm and tight.

"That's insubordination."

"I'll leave when we're finished."

"Leave now!"

"No!"

"Fine, leave or be written up."

She cursed.

"You're not fit to be on the job," she yelled.

"Yes I am!"

"What the hell do you think you were doing, walking up to a suspect with a knife? She could have stabbed you!"

"I wasn't close enough to get stabbed and she was light as a feather. One finger and I could have pushed her over…just like you."

"Me?" she asked. "You could never take me."

He wanted t take her.

He wanted nothing more than to take her right then and there.

He tried to hide the trembling in his hands.

"Leave."

"Make me."

"Sara…"

"What I thought," she said as she started to return to work.

His hand snaked out and grabbed her.

They were too close.

They were much too close to one another.

One grab resulted in a hard embrace and then lips crashing on one another and then tongues joining and teasing and gasps for air.

He wanted her.

She wanted him.

It was the sound of footsteps that brought them apart.

"Almost finished?" asked the officer.

They both stood there heaving.

"Yes," said Grissom. "I'm finished. She's going to finish up."

She watched as he grabbed his kit and left.

She wanted to scream.

Every nerve in her body was screaming.

It was pure frustration.

She knew that as soon as she was done, her pity party shower would be cold…very cold.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter eighteen:**

He was in a foul mood when he returned from the field.

Doc called him for a consultation.

He was tired.

He wanted to go home.

He wanted a cold shower.

The blast from the air conditioner in the Denali did not help.

He arrived in Doc's office to find Catherine sitting there.

"What's the problem?" he asked.

"You," said Doc.

"We were just told an interesting story about what happened in the field. Something about a crack head and a knife," said Catherine.

"She was lucid, upset but lucid and she handed me the knife. She didn't want to hurt anyone," he said.

"Really?" asked Doc. "It took three officers to get her into the police car."

"Is there a point to all of this?" he asked glaring at Catherine.

"We're worried," said Catherine. "Gil, you're exhausted. You're working around the clock again, you're weight is dropping, and now this."

"I work doubles because it's part of my job. My physician told me to drop the weight because of the blood pressure and I'm fine…you can stick your nose in someone else's business!" he yelled.

"Now, I know something is wrong," she said looking at Doc.

"Look, Catherine isn't the only person who's noticed. We all have. Brass even said…"

"Brass doesn't give a damn…" he stopped. "Do you need to see me on a case?"

"No," said Doc.

"Fine." He turned and left.

"That went well," said Doc. "Now he's not only depressed but he's pissed."

"I have no idea what happened," said Catherine. "He was doing great. He was slacking off working here so much. He seemed to be happy when he arrived every day…you know like he had a life outside this place but then suddenly he's…you don't think he was involved with someone and she broke it off?"

"Grissom involved? If he was, he's in big trouble. Can you remember your first crush and burn?"

"You mean crash and burn," corrected Catherine.

"No, ever had a crush on someone and then got dumped or someone blew you off…major burn. I've never known Grissom ever interested in anyone. I mean Sara seemed interested for awhile but he just…you know was Grissom. I haven't seen her around here much," said Doc.

"You think Sara got involved with someone and Grissom found out? You think he's jealous or hurt?"

"It could be," said Doc.

"Ouch!"

"You could find out. Talk with Sara. If she admits to having a relationship then it stands to reason it's what got Grissom all riled up," he said.

"You mentioned Brass. I left a message…"

"He's been busy with someone…said he'd noticed Grissom was tired…said it was nothing and leave him alone," said Doc.

"Did you tell him about the woman and the knife?"

"Couldn't…he was tied up on a case," said Doc.

"I'll talk with him," said Catherine.

She did.

She caught him at the end of shift.

"I need to talk with you," she said.

"Anything wrong?"

"It's about Sara…and Grissom," said Catherine.

"We can talk at the diner," said Brass quickly.

They had no sooner sat down than Brass was drilling her.

"So what's this about Sara and Grissom?"

"It's not Sara and Grissom…it's about…do you know if Sara is seeing someone?"

"Not sure if that is any of our business."

"Grissom has been acting weird. We just thought…Doc and I thought that maybe Sara found someone...was dating someone and you know…that's why Grissom is upset."

"I wouldn't know."

She stared at him.

"Haven't you noticed? He's not sleeping, he's practically living at the lab, he's doing more than his share and he's the supervisor and then today…"

"What about today?" asked Brass.

"You didn't hear?"

"No."

"He walked up to a crack head and took the knife away from her. Does that sound like Grissom to you?"

He set his cup down.

"Why wasn't I told about this?" he asked.

"We heard about it from the officers. It took three of them to get her in the car after Grissom walked up and asked her for the knife. They thought he was nuts."

"Stupid bastard," yelled Brass.

"Exactly."

"You uhm talked with him?" asked Jim.

"Doc and I tried. He says nothing is wrong. Jim, I'm worried."

"I'll talk with him," he said.

"Good…and soon."

A week passed.

Grissom was seen little.

He made his rounds and then got updates on cases and then he retreated to his own part of the lab. Few went there. It was where he did a lot of his experiments. Personnel had offered him the space years ago and he had used it to their benefit coming up with new ways of doing case work. He told them he was working on an experiment. He wasn't. He was hiding. His hands trembled and he curled them into a fist.

He had no excuse for his actions the other day.

It was reckless.

He would have written up any of his employees for doing such a stunt.

It had bothered him.

It had actually scared him.

He did not think when he acted.

He did not care.

It was what scared him the most.

"How long are you going to hide out here?" asked Brass.

"I'm working," he said.

"Bullshit."

Grissom said nothing but continued to move things around in the lab.

"I've been leaving messages," he said.

"What do you want?"

"Look, we've been friends for…"

"We're not friends."

Brass stared at him.

"Fine. What the hell do you think you were doing the other day? I heard. I should have your ass before personnel."

"Do it."

He meant it.

It scared Brass.

"Gil…"

"I have assignments to give out," he said. "Is there a case we need to discuss?"

"Do that again and I'll go to personnel."

Weeks passed.

He left at the end of shifts.

She did too.

They went their separate ways.

It wasn't to last long.

Some things were just bound to come together.

He searched the board frantically.

_Nick…shit_

_Catherine…shit_

_Warrick…shit._

He felt his chest ease.

Greg was not signed out.

"Where's Greg?" asked Grissom to Judy.

"He just got called out to help Catherine…double homicide and the crowd is ugly."

_Shit…_

"Everyone is out," he said out loud.

"No. Sara just came back in."

_Shit…_

_I can do this by myself…_

"I'm going to be out in the field," said Grissom.

"Hey, Griss," called Hodges, "Sara told me to tell you she's waiting outside."

_Shit…_

He nodded.

He walked out and saw her standing beside the Denali with her kit in hand.

"I can cover this one…"

"Ecklie passed me in the hall. He told me to assist. I'm assisting," she said.

_I so need to stop with the lies…_

_He needs the help…_

_He wasn't going to ask…_

_He has second doubts…_

_I'll give him another chance…_

_Even if he doesn't ask for one…_

She was not prepared for the scene.

She had not bothered to even look at the description.

She had heard a new case had been called in and was up to the challenge.

The scene was still fresh.

The man was kneeling on the front lawn in handcuffs.

Sara stepped in first followed by Grissom.

The house reeked of copper.

She felt her stomach revolt.

Blood was splattered on one wall.

A body lay in the middle of the floor.

It was a woman.

"Deep lacerations," said David. "The knife is over there."

"Let me know when you remove the body," said Grissom.

"I have to check the other bodies," said David.

"Bodies?" asked Grissom. "We were told this was just a double."

"Two more bodies," he said. "They found another one a few minutes ago."

_Shit…_

Grissom glanced around at the walls.

There were photos of children.

Sara had already noticed. "The other victims…"

"Children. He killed his family."

_Oh shit…_

He glanced at her reaction.

She turned a slight green.

"Outside," he said.

"I'm good."

"Outside," he said again.

David looked at the two.

"I'm fine."

"You're turning green. Don't contaminate the scene," he said trying not to sound too harsh. It came out harsh. Everything he said these days was harsh and full of emotion.

"I won't!"

He had no choice.

He needed the help.

He was in no condition to work alone.

_Why her?_

_Of all people…_

_Why her?_

"You take this room," said Grissom.

She nodded.

He stepped into the other room and found a young boy lying in the hallway. He had a single entry wound in the chest. He stepped over the body and into a bedroom. He looked around but could not locate a body. He noticed blood coming from behind a closet door. He opened it and found a young girl slumped in the corner. She still clutched a doll. She had been stabbed several times.

He sighed.

He hated his job at the moment.

He hated the whole mess of it.

She was small and thin. Her dark hair was matted with blood. Her eyes were brown. He had seen her photo on the walls. She was a beautiful child.

_She looks like her…_

_Young and thin with dark hair and big dark eyes…_

_She must have been so scared…_

_Hiding in the closet hoping he would not find her…_

_He did…_

_Monsters always check the closets…_

_And attics..,_

_Sara hid in the attic…_

_God, what if he had found her that day…_

_Her mom wouldn't have been there to protect her…_

_I'll never be there to protect her now…_

He felt the bile rise and he covered his mouth.

He rushed to a nearby bathroom and vomited.

He had not done that in…he had never done that.

His head was pounding as he tried to recover.

He felt something cool on his forehead and he jerked around.

She was standing there.

"Wet wipe," she said. "It'll help."

"Get out of here!" he yelled.

"I saw her."

It was too late.

Note from author:

Please continue with the reviews. I enjoy reading them as they come in. Thanks to all who leave a review at the end of each chapter.

Take care,

Penny


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen:**

"You okay? Cause I'm probably next. Let's just get this over with," she said.

He was back at work.

She returned to the living room.

He watched as she inhaled deeply and then rushed outside.

He cursed as he followed her.

She stood there on the front porch taking in deep breaths.

The man still sat there on his knees.

Sara's eyes locked with his.

"Why the kids? If you were pissed at her then why the kids?" she spat out.

"My own son protected that bitch. She wasn't worth it! She left me once…got herself pregnant and then came crawling back. She thought I would just raise her bastard child as if she were my own."

"Why didn't you just tell them to leave?" said Sara.

"She belonged to me! She took my son from me until I tracked her down…I told her there would be consequences if she ever tried to leave again."

He spat at the ground and then glared at Sara. "That bastard girl was always crying…never wanted to be separated from her mother…wanted to sleep with her…I wasn't sharing my bed with some runny nose kid."

"You killed the little girl first…then your own son…what kind of monster are you?" she yelled.

"Why don't you come over here and find out," he threatened.

A hand grabbed her arm pulling her back inside the house.

"Don't," said Grissom.

"He just killed them…like their lives had no meaning…he just got rid of them like they were trash…Did you see her? She was just a baby…a frightened little girl…" she stopped leaning back against the wall with her eyes closed.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

She wasn't.

She needed him to hold and comfort her.

She pushed off from the wall and went back to work.

Neither said another word as they cleared each room.

When it was done, they both hurried outside and breathed in deeply.

"I'll get the bags," he said.

She nodded.

He retrieved the bags and placed them inside the Denali.

She was already putting up her kit when he stepped back inside to get his.

He heard her the minute he stepped out.

It was her turn.

She felt something cool on her forehead.

It didn't help.

She continued until there was nothing but dry heaves.

It hurt.

"You've got it bad, honey," he whispered as he rubbed her back.

She no sooner came up for air than she was back down.

It continued for several minutes.

In the end she was a shaking mess.

Once she felt she had it under control, she grabbed for another wipe and cleaned up. She stood on wobbly knees and made her way to the vehicle.

He knew better than to try to help.

The evidence was logged in.

She held onto the wall outside the bathroom as she felt herself slipping down into the floor.

Strong arms caught her.

"I've got you," he said.

"Just tired," she mumbled.

"Right."

She said nothing as he led her to the Denali.

"I can drive myself," she said as she covered her mouth.

"I'm not sure vomiting and driving at the same time is a good idea," he said trying to make light of the situation.

"I'm good," she said as she tried to walk toward her vehicle.

She didn't get far before she doubled over.

"Enough!" he said as he practically carried her to his vehicle.

She did not object but leaned back with the window down.

She gripped the seat each time a wave of nausea hit.

Sara was relieved when it finally passed.

She kept her eyes closed in order to avoid any confrontation.

She had not meant to fall asleep.

When she woke, they were parked out front.

"You don't look well," he said.

"Thanks," she said as she opened the door and started to get out. She felt the nausea return and she cursed. In her haste to help Grissom she had skipped a meal as well as her medication. It was proving to be a fatal mistake. She leaned up against the vehicle and willed her stomach to calm down. She opened her eyes and stared into blue.

"Still sick, aren't you?" he asked.

"Yes."

She was surprised she did not lie.

It was becoming second nature to her.

She felt his hands around her waist as he helped her to the door. As soon as the door was open, she was rushing to the bathroom. He wasn't sure what to do as he stood in the doorway. He meant to bring her home and then flee. He told himself he could still do that. As soon as he heard the retching, his plan was soon changed.

He was there beside her now with a wet washcloth.

He held it as he rubbed her back.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry you had to see that."

"You puked first," she managed to get out.

He grinned slightly. "Yes, I did. It's the first time I contaminated a crime scene."

He stepped out while she rinsed her mouth.

He followed her back into the living room.

"Going to be alright now?" he asked.

"Yes…my fault. I missed a meal…forgot about it," she said.

He started to leave.

He stared at her.

She was visibly upset, no doubt from working a crime scene that appeared to be right out of one of her nightmares.

They both had seen the resemblances at the crime scene.

_the drunken father…_

_the battered mother…_

_the older brother…_

_the young girl… _

The difference was that the monster had lived and the family had been killed.

His hand trembled.

He noticed hers did also.

God, he loved her.

He couldn't imagine the strength it took for her to work the scene.

He knew she only did it to help him.

"You...haven't eaten?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"Sit down."

She watched as he worked in the kitchen.

She made a mental note of everything he touched for future reference. She decided she could not afford to throw too many things away again when she was certain he retreated again. He fixed a sandwich and brought her a glass of milk.

"Not much," he said.

"Thanks," she said.

She looked at him as she bit into the sandwich.

"Aren't you hungry?" she asked.

"No."

She pulled the sandwich in half.

"I don't like to eat alone," she said.

She handed him the sandwich and he took it.

They ate bite for bite.

She even shared the milk.

"I should be going," he said.

He stood.

She stood.

There was not much space between them.

He took that as another mistake.

"Griss?"

"Yeah?"

They didn't finish.

Lips locked together followed by arms entwined and then somehow they were no longer in the living room but in her bed and she was beneath him. A voice screamed for him to stop but he

pushed it aside. He wanted her. He needed her. Her body screamed for release and there was no way she was going to let him stop. Her hand found his manhood and she stroked him. He

devoured her lips and then he was thrusting deeper and deeper. His main focus was on bringing them both to the edge. It was quick and then she shuddered sending him with her.

There was a moment of pure bliss.

They each held one another as they slowed their breathing.

The moment passed.

_I shouldn't have done that…_

_I never should have…_

_Shit…_

"This isn't right," he heard himself say.

"Yes…it is," she said.

"No! It's not."

"Grissom, we can't stop this. We've tried. We end up here…like this."

"This is not going to happen again."

"Why…not?" she asked quietly.

"It's wrong."

"Why?"

_Because I'm too old…_

_You deserve someone young…_

_You deserve someone who can give you a future and a family…_

_You deserve so much more than me…_

_You just found Brass, your father…_

_I don't want to come between the two of you…_

"My job," he blurted out.

"Your job?"

"Sara, this has to end. It ends now."

She watched as he dressed and then he was out the door.

She sat there and screamed as she threw the lamp sending it crashing into pieces.

She glanced at the clock.

There was time for a pity party and then time for sleep.

She rolled over and cried.

It was her phone ringing that woke her.

"What?" she yelled.

"You okay? I heard you got sick last night," said Brass.

"I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine. I noticed your car was at the lab."

"Grissom brought me home."

Brass cursed quietly.

"That sick?"

"Apparently so."

"Want to have dinner?"

"I'm not up to dinner. I have some things I need to do before shift."

"Okay," he said quietly.

She knew he was upset.

She had been putting him off for days now.

"Dinner at the diner," she said.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

She slid into the booth and he looked at her.

"You still under the weather?"

"Just tired. I didn't sleep well. It was a bad case."

"I heard. Grissom never should have…"

"He didn't. He didn't even ask. He was going to go out by himself."

Brass said nothing.

The food arrived and the small talk began.

"What's bothering you?" he asked.

"You think it's bad to be…you know have a different name than your parents?"

"I don't follow."

"Illegitimate."

"I never liked the word. It sounds dirty."

She nodded.

He gawked at her.

He knew exactly what was bothering her.

He was going to fix it.

Weeks passed.

She marked the calendar.

_Eight weeks…_

_Just another month…_

Grissom was keeping his distance again.

She had been paired with everyone except him.

She was miserable.

He wasn't much better.

Brass had even been keeping his distance.

She sat there now at her desk and found an envelope with her name on it.

She opened it to find a copy of a petition.

It was a request for a name change as well as an amended birth certificate.

She stared at it in disbelief.

She glanced up and saw him standing there.

"I got them today," he said.

"What is this?"

"I want to have your name changed…to mine," said Brass.

"Yours?"

"You're not really a Sidle…you're a Brass. Sign the petition and appear in the judge's chambers and we can make this official."

She still stared.

"You're not illegitimate."

"Oh."

_I wasn't talking about myself…_

_I was thinking about this baby…_

_Mine and Grissom's…_

"Would you?" he asked.

She nodded.

He smiled.

"Maybe we should then let others know," he said. "No need to hide it."

"I was just waiting until we were used to it," said Sara.

"You want to wait?" he asked suddenly.

"No."

"Good cause I have an appointment with the judge in an hour," said Brass.

"I can't."

"Grissom granted you leave. He also provided proof of paternity."

"He did?"

"Yes."

It was brief.

The petition was signed and then the amended birth certificate was sent.

"Brass. Sara Brass," he said.

It sounded odd.

"I have something for you," he said. He handed her a new field jacket. She looked at it. Her fingers ran across the letters.

B-R-A-S-S

"Thank you," she managed to get out.

"I love you kiddo," he said

"I love you too."

He had asked the others to meet at the diner for dinner.

He had even left a note for Grissom.

The others came.

Sara and Brass sat side by side while the others placed their orders.

"So what's the occasion?" asked Nick.

"Sara and I have some news," said Brass.

"Okay," said Catherine.

"Want to show them your new jacket?" he asked.

Sara pulled out her jacket and they gawked at the name.

"Wait! You married Brass?" asked Greg.

The others were just as confused.

"I had my name changed to his," said Sara. "He's my dad."

"You adopted her?" asked Nick.

"She's my daughter," said Brass.

He pulled out the proof of paternity.

"When did this happen?" asked Catherine looking at the document signed by Grissom.

Sara explained.

They were in awe.

"This is too uncanny," said Catherine.

"It makes sense" said Greg. "You always favored her."

Sara made a face.

"I didn't know. I just felt it," said Brass.

"I'm happy for both of you," said Catherine. "Grissom should be here. Where is he?"

Sara looked down at the table.

"I'm sorry I was late," Grissom said.

They all smiled.

Greg moved to the side to give him room.

He was surprised when Greg offered him a seat beside Sara.

He froze for a second but then sat down.

"I can't stay," he said. "I just wanted to congratulate you both."

"Thanks," said Brass.

"Yes, thank you," said Sara.

"We just ordered," said Catherine.

Warrick waved at the waitress.

"No need," Grissom said.

"Look at her new jacket," said Greg.

He looked at it.

He always envisioned her wearing a jacket with his name on it.

It was a silly thing.

She would never be a "Grissom."

He would die a lonely old man.

The waitress waited for his order but he attempted to waive her off.

"I have something I have to do."

Catherine ordered for him.

Grissom glanced at his watch.

"You can stay for awhile," said Catherine.

"Yeah Griss. We haven't seen you lately," said Nick. "This is nice."

"Yeah, we haven't all been together in months," said Warrick.

"When are we going to get together and have another card game?" asked Nick.

"Card game?" asked Catherine.

The guys smiled. "We'll teach you."

"You know we need to raise the stakes. We could play for decomp cases or…"

"I once played strip poker," said Nick.

"I'm not playing strip poker," said Catherine.

Warrick chuckled.

The table was full.

She felt his thigh brush against hers.

He quickly corrected himself.

Sara leaned back in her seat.

She was tired.

She was also starving.

She breathed in deeply and smelled him.

He smelled wonderful.

He felt uncomfortable.

He was tired.

He wasn't hungry.

He breathed in deeply and smelled her.

She smelled like lavender.

He swallowed hard.

His hand trembled as he reached for his glass of water.

She noticed.

He did too.

He put his hand in his lap.

Food was served.

She glanced to see if he were eating.

He took one bite.

She took one.

It was followed by another.

Small talk continued.

It was focused on the guys and poker.

She took the opportunity to glance at his hand.

The shaking had stopped.

_He should eat more often…_

He looked tired although he had not been spending as much time at the lab.

He managed to eat half of the sandwich before he was up and gone.

They watched as he crossed the street and back to the lab.

"He seems a little better," said Warrick.

"Well, he's not spending as much time at the lab," said Catherine.

Brass and Sara said nothing.

"I know where he's been spending some of his time," said Greg.

All eyes turned to Greg.

"Where?" asked Nick.

Sara felt a bit lightheaded.

Greg glanced at Sara.

"The hospital."

Note from author:

I know. Kind of hard to leave the story hanging like that..unless you like angst. I am so mean…please leave a review. You know the sooner the reviews are posted we can move forward...the readers decide on the speed in which we get through this one. By the way, I am almost done with the next one. That means two more stories to post and I got another idea for a story last night. I so need counseling...

Take care,

Penny


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty:**

She felt like she couldn't breathe.

"Hospital?" asked Sara.

"My cousin broke his leg. I was visiting him a few times and I saw Grissom's car parked in the garage….can't miss it…that bug bumper sticker," he said.

"What would he be doing at the hospital?" asked Sara.

"Not sure," said Catherine.

Catherine looked at Brass.

"You've been quiet. Has he said anything to you?"

He hadn't.

He wasn't speaking with Brass.

Even when it came to work related issues, they had been communicating by notes and phone messages .

"No uhm he hasn't."

"What are you not telling us?" asked Catherine.

_I lost a friend…_

_A good friend…_

_He won't talk to me…_

"He hasn't looked good," said Nick. "He's been tired and…"

"He's cut back on the hours," said Catherine.

"I think he's hiding something," said Warrick. "He's not been himself. I'm worried about him."

"He's always had our backs," said Nick. "We should keep an eye on him."

They all nodded.

Sara stared at Brass who sipped on his coffee.

_You know something…_

She grabbed his arm once they were out in the parking lot.

"Do you know why Grissom has been going to the hospital?" she asked Brass.

"No."

"Bullshit."

"It's funny when it comes out of my mouth but not yours."

"Why the hospital visits?" she asked.

"I don't know. I really don't."

She wanted to know.

She needed to know.

Weeks passed.

Her check up approached.

She marked the calendar.

_Twelve weeks pregnant…_

She didn't show.

She had managed to keep the nausea under control.

They were watchful of Grissom.

The guys offered to help out with just about anything.

He was getting annoyed.

Greg had once grabbed his kit in order to carry it and he had almost throttled him.

Warrick and Nick were not much better as they offered to drive or encouraged him to sleep.

They had spent numerous hours self diagnosing Grissom.

"I think he has cancer," said Nick.

Sara spewed her tea.

"Cancer?" she croaked out.

"It has to be something he doesn't want us to know about. That means it's something big. Cancer is big," said Nick.

"He's still tired but he doesn't look sick," said Warrick.

"He's dropping weight," said Greg.

"Cancer victims do that," said Nick.

Sara bit her lower lip.

"His hands shake from time to time," she added.

"I'm telling you man something is wrong with him," said Nick.

Sara felt herself begin to panic.

She swallowed hard.

She reached for her cup of tea.

_My appointment is tomorrow…_

_Don't get upset…_

_Don't get upset…_

The truth of the matter she had not been feeling well herself.

She attributed it to the stress of the job and the pregnancy.

She also attributed it to the stress of worrying about Grissom.

She was still pissed at him.

She just couldn't bear the thought that something might seriously be wrong with him.

She didn't know how it happened.

One minute she was washing out her cup and the next she was on the floor.

It had happened so quickly.

She didn't think she had lost consciousness but now Grissom and Doc were hovering over her.

"Give her some air," said Doc.

"How's her pulse?" asked Grissom.

"Pulse is racing," he replied.

"Let's get her up," said Grissom. "We can take her to my office."

"Not necessary," she said as she attempted to pull herself up.

It didn't do any good as she blacked out again.

Grissom swore.

"She's passed out again," said Grissom worriedly.

He picked her up but Nick blocked him.

"You shouldn't carry her. Hand her to me," said Nick.

"Nick, get the hell out of the way!" yelled Grissom.

Nick stepped aside.

She was awake again.

She opened her eyes and found herself on his couch.

"Sara, can you hear me?" asked Doc.

"Sorry…must be some bug," she lied.

"I'm going to check your blood pressure," he said.

She lay there quietly.

"Blood pressure is up," he said. "Been feeling sick?"

"Inner ear," she lied.

_How many lies does this make?_

She closed her eyes.

She felt as if the couch was moving and she opened her eyes quickly.

"You should see your doctor," said Doc.

"I am. I have an appointment tomorrow."

She tried to get up.

"Stay down," Grissom said softly.

She rolled to the side.

"Guys, I'm getting sick."

"Inner ear can cause nausea," said Doc.

Grissom scooted the waste basket over to her.

"Aim good," he said jokingly.

"Like old times," she said.

He grinned.

It was the first conversation they'd had in weeks.

"I'll call Jim."

"No, he'll call an ambulance."

Doc chuckled.

"He has gone a bit overboard with this father-daughter thing," said Doc.

"Tell me," she whined.

"He asked me if he should set up a trust fund for you. I reminded him you were grown and already graduated from college," said Doc.

"I think he just wants to make sure you're taken care of in case something happens to him," said Grissom.

Her eyes shot to Grissom.

"Nothing is going to happen to him," said Sara.

"When it's your time it's your time," said Grissom getting up.

She remembered the conversation in the break room.

She vomited.

She vomited again and again.

"Let me take a look at that ear," offered Doc.

"I'm good," she said.

"Like hell," said Grissom. "You should take a look…"

"I'm up," she said as she pulled herself up. "I just need a minute and then I'll go back to work."

"No, you're not!" said Grissom.

"Yes, I am."

"No, you're not," said Doc. "You should be home."

"Fine, I'll go home," she said as she tried to ignore the slight dizziness.

"Good," said Grissom.

She waited until the feeling passed.

She stood and walked toward the door.

"Wait. You can't drive," said Doc.

"He's right," said Grissom.

"I'm fine now."

"Yes but that can change. It's not safe for you to drive," said Doc.

"I can't work and I can't drive," she muttered.

"I'll take you home," Grissom said quietly.

"Good," said Doc as he left.

"You don't have to do that," she said. "Jim…he can take me."

"I'll call Brass then," he said.

She agreed.

He called but Brass was in the middle of an interrogation.

"Look, this is silly. I can drive."

She felt the floor move and she quickly leaned against the door.

He noticed immediately.

"I'm taking you," he said.

"But…"

"Sara, it's not getting better. It's getting worse," he said.

He was right.

His arm rested behind her back as he led her to the vehicle.

_He might tell me what's wrong…_

_He might tell me if he's really sick…_

He unlocked the door for her and they stepped inside.

"Thanks for bringing me home," she said. "I'm fine."

"You sure?" he asked.

"Yes."

He hesitated a moment as he started to leave.

"Griss?"

"Yeah?"

"Could we talk?"

"I should get back."

"What's wrong with you?" she asked.

"Wrong with me?"

"You're tired most of the time…like now…you're not eating…weight loss is considerable…you're uhm hands shake from time to time. You've been seen at the hospital…"

"This is none of your business!"

"So it's okay for me to admit my health issues but it's not for you?"

"Who told you about the hospital?"

"One of us was visiting a relative in the hospital and spotted your vehicle…several times."

"Greg."

"Yes, Greg. He's worried. We're all worried," she said.

"Stay out of my business!"

"We have until now…we're worried," she said stepping closer.

He headed for the door.

"Grissom, wait," she said.

Her hand grabbed his arm.

"Please…I'm worried," she said.

"It's nothing."

"Are you sick?"

"Sara, let go."

"Tell me!"

"No! I'm seeing someone."

She thought her lie was coming true.

There was a ringing in her ear.

He seethed.

It wasn't actually a lie.

He was seeing someone but it was for advice he told himself.

It was just two friends talking.

It didn't matter that it was timed and he paid for the services.

It didn't also matter that she came highly recommended in the psychiatric field.

"Oh."

"Happy now?" he asked hatefully.

"Yes! I'm glad cause Nick has diagnosed you with cancer and Greg hasn't stopped talking about people falling over dead and I keep thinking that you would tell us but then you wouldn't would you? You would just…"

She passed out again.

She felt the cool washcloth on her forehead as his hand gently caressed her cheek.

His voice called to her softly but she didn't want to wake.

She had missed the touch of his hand.

It was soft and gentle.

His voice became insistent as well as the cool washcloth that made its way across her face.

She tried to push it away but his other hand caught hers.

She thought for a moment she felt the slightest kiss in the palm of her hand.

"Sara?"

"I'm here," she whispered.

"I'm taking you to the hospital," he said.

"No need. Appointment tomorrow."

"You would have fallen on your face if I wasn't there to catch you."

"Good thing you were there. I bet the floor is hard."

"This isn't funny."

She opened her eyes and saw the concern on his face.

"No, it's not," she said closing her eyes from the spinning room.

"Getting sick?"

She shook her head.

She was still trying to imagine him with another woman.

He certainly did not seem happy.

She decided he wasn't.

"I'm just going to lie here," she said.

"Good plan."

Her eyes shot open.

"You need to eat."

"That's my line to you," he said.

"Chinese would be good," she said. "Phone number is on the fridge."

"I'll order it and then I'm calling Brass."

"The interrogation could take hours. I'll lie here. You can go once you've eaten."

"I can't leave you alone," he said.

"Yes, you can. It never bothered you before."

"I've never left you…" he stopped.

He got her meaning.

"Gil?"

"We're not discussing this," he said.

"No, we're not. I'm getting sick."

He headed for the waste basket.

She managed to keep the nausea under control.

"Better?"

She nodded.

She sat up and watched as he pretended not to feel as retched as she did.

The food arrived.

She refused to eat unless he did.

She watched him carefully.

He ate a few bites.

"Still feel dizzy?" he asked.

"No…I'm good," she said.

"How long have you had this inner ear problem?" he asked.

"A week," she said.

It had been a week since she had felt better.

"A week!"

"It's gotten worse in the last few days," she said.

It was exactly a lie.

She had felt worse.

He frowned.

"Feeling sick?"

"I'm still good."

He took another bite.

She glanced at his container.

"You haven't eaten much," she said.

"I'm not hungry," he said.

He stared down at the floor.

"I'm seeing a friend…a counselor."

The realization hit her.

Grissom was in counseling.

Note from author:

So...now you know he's in counseling...no big health issue other than a broken heart and his inability to tell Sara he loves her and of course tell Brass to bug off...please continue with the reviews.

take care,

Penny


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter twenty one:**

She felt guilty.

"It's my fault, isn't it?" she asked.

He didn't know how to respond.

"My fault," she said.

He pretended he hadn't been paying attention.

"For what?"

"The counseling," she said.

"No." he lied this time.

"Bullshit."

"You sound like Brass," he said setting the container down.

"You didn't need counseling until me," she said.

"How do you know that? Maybe I needed counseling for years but never asked for help until you?"

She expected something mean.

It wasn't.

She gulped back tears.

"I never meant to hurt you," she said.

"Hurt me? You never hurt me Sara. I hurt you. I did this. I continue to do this. You need to find someone who can love you, marry you, give you a family…" he stopped.

She was turning green.

"I'll wait," she said swallowing hard.

"It will never happen."

"What will never happen?" she asked.

"Us."

"You don't mean that," she whispered.

"Yes, I do. You'll start to date other people, find someone else. I'll continue at the lab, it's what's important to me…not us."

Now that was mean.

"You can leave now," she said.

"Brass will be here soon," he said.

"Go!"

"You see? This is us."

"No, it's not!"

"Yes, it is."

She threw the blanket off and scrambled to get up.

He refused to let her get up.

"Let me up!"

"You're going to hurt yourself," he said softly.

She tried once more but he held her down.

He knew he was in trouble the minute her lips found his.

"Sara…stop," he said.

"Stop me," she said between kisses.

She pulled at his shirt and he grabbed her wrists pinning her down on the couch.

He could not stop her lips.

She came up and pressed them firmly against his and then he felt her tongue and he lost it.

His hands were on her now as he pulled her to him and he no longer cared that she was pulling at his clothing because he was focusing on removing hers.

She felt him lift her and she wrapped her legs around his waist.

She refused to let go.

He didn't want her to as he carried her to the bedroom.

She was glad.

She liked the couch and she would not want to throw it away if he bailed on her again.

She arched her body toward him and he plunged deep.

She gasped from the feel of him inside her.

She was already trying to set up a rhythm but it was too frenzied.

He kissed her on the lips and stroked her hair.

With each stroke, he thrust and then she picked up on the rhythm he set and she followed.

She clutched at him as they climaxed and she held on tight.

"Don't pull away," she whispered. "Please, don't."

_tell him..._

_tell him about the baby..._

_he needs to know..._

_tell him..._

It tore at him.

He didn't want to pull away.

He gently withdrew and she felt him ease off her.

"Gil?"

He dressed.

She dressed.

"Don't move," he said. "Just stay in bed."

"Don't leave."

"Stay put."

She sat on the edge of the bed.

She started to tell him but she could see that he was visibly upset.

He swiped his hand through his hair.

"Gil?"

"Don't!"

She stopped.

He started for the door and she stood.

"Stay!" he warned.

She sat back down.

His hands were trembling.

She was up now.

"Sara, sit!"

"Your hands…you're trembling. What's wrong?"

There was a knock on the door and then Brass stepped in.

"Sara?" he called.

Brass stared at the two.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said. "I need to talk with Grissom."

Brass looked at him.

"I've got to go. I only stayed until you could get here," Grissom said as he headed to the door but then stopped. "She's gotten dizzy quite a bit. She shouldn't be up. Take her to her appointment tomorrow."

He turned and headed for the door.

"Grissom!" she yelled.

He did not stop.

She jumped up but Brass blocked her.

"Get out of my way," she said. "There's something wrong with him!"

"He seemed fine," said Brass.

"He wasn't!"

"Sara…"

"What's going on between you and Grissom?"

"Nothing," he lied.

He cursed inwardly.

"Go after him," she said.

"Sara, he's…"

"You don't care. You say you do but something is different. You haven't even bothered to find out why he's been seen at a hospital on a regular basis…"

"He's in counseling," he said quietly.

"You knew?"

"I followed him. I was worried."

She sat down on the bed and held her head.

"You're turning green. Sit back!"

"Why is he going to counseling?"

"I can't find that out. I tried. He's seeing a friend of ours," he said.

"Something's wrong. His hands were trembling," she said. "It's my fault. This is my fault."

"Did he say that?" he asked.

"No, he didn't."

She felt the room spin and decided it was best if she stayed put. He noticed immediately

"Better?" he asked.

"My head hurts."

"Let's go."

"Go where?"

"Hospital."

"I have an appointment for tomorrow."

"You can't wait that long," said Brass.

"Yes, I can."

"One more episode and we go."

"Fine," she said as she leaned back in the bed.

"Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you two have a fight?"

"No."

She stared at him.

He thought he was squirming.

She closed her eyes.

He sighed.

"How come I don't believe you?" she whispered.

He was speechless.

It didn't matter.

She had fallen asleep.

He sat there on the couch while he dialed the number.

He did not answer.

He cursed.

He tried again.

"Grissom."

"I'm surprised you answered this time."

"You didn't leave her alone did you?"

"No, she's asleep."

He was silent.

"I'm worried about you," said Brass.

He hung up.

Brass called back.

It rolled over to voice mail.

He cursed.

_Stubborn bastard…_

By morning her condition was worse.

She could barely walk without getting dizzy.

She insisted on a shower.

It was hurried and awkward but she got it done.

"Let's go," he said.

She stared at him.

"You're not going."

"Just how do you propose you are going to get there in your condition?"

She cursed.

"This is awkward."

"I'm taking my daughter to the doctor. Why is it awkward?"

"I'm going to a gynecologist."

His face turned red.

"See my point."

"Wait. You're going to a gynecologist for an inner ear problem?"

"I have other problems…just female…nothing major…this is so embarrassing. I knew it would take awhile to get an appointment with my regular doctor and I already had this appointment scheduled so she said she would treat me for both."

"Both?"

"We are so not going there," she said.

"If it was serious, you would tell me, right?"

"Yeast infection…I'm not going to die…inner ear…bigger problem," she said.

_I am so sick of telling lies…_

He nodded as if he was relieved.

"I'm still taking you," he said.

She let him.

She wasn't sure how she would manage without him.

"Red does not look good on you," whispered Sara as they sat down in the lobby of the doctor's office.

"Not used to being around pregnant women," he said.

"You got something against pregnant women?" she asked.

"No. I can't imagine you pregnant," he said.

_Me either…_

_Until now…_

_Wait in another month or so…_

_I won't be able to hide it forever…_

_Everyone will know…_

_Even Grissom…_

_Then he'll really be mad…_

"You wouldn't want grandchildren?" she asked.

"Of course I do. You haven't met someone, have you?"

_Yes and I am way past the courtship stage…_

"Don't imagine I'll ever be married," she said.

"I guess I won't get grandchildren then," he said.

_He's going to be so disappointed in me…_

"There's Ellie," she said quietly.

"Ellie is not mine," he said.

She looked shocked.

"Yes, she is…blood doesn't make you a family."

She didn't mean to hurt him.

Her stomach began to churn.

"Ellie doesn't want me as a father."

"Has she told you this?"

"She's shown me that all of her life. I know it was hard on her when her mother and I divorced but she didn't have to be so angry all the time."

Sara said nothing.

The thoughts of being a single parent frightened her.

"Sidle"

She stood.

He pulled on her arm. "Be sure and have them correct your name."

She stood and glared at him when he tried to follow.

"This is where we part ways," she said. "I'll be back."

She slowly made her way to the nurse.

She didn't do so bad.

She managed to dodge the women even though she knew her balance was definitely off.

"You have an inner ear infection," said Dr. Randal.

"You're kidding, right?" Sara asked incredulously.

She had lied about a diagnosis and it had been correct.

"No. It explains the dizziness and the vomiting. It's not just the morning sickness."

"Oh."

"We'll schedule you an appointment in just a few weeks for the ultrasound."

"Ultrasound?"

"To see how the baby is progressing and determine its sex…if you want to know."

"Yes."

She was handed a prescription for the inner ear infection along with a medical statement for work. She was back at home in a few hours. He insisted on staying. She insisted on sleeping.

He took the liberty of calling Grissom.

He answered with the first ring.

"It was an inner ear infection. She'll be out a couple of days," said Brass.

"Did they check her blood pressure? Doc said it was high," he tried to cover the concern but failed miserably.

"She didn't say anything. I imagine it was fine."

Brass heard him sigh.

"Thanks for caring about her," he said quietly. "Listen Gil..."

He cursed when he heard the click.

She was back at work in a few days.

He didn't seem as harsh with her but rather kept a close eye as if he needed to know she was fine.

She knew her time was running out.

She needed to tell him about the baby before it became obvious.

She now felt the slight bulge.

The pregnancy was becoming tangible and soon she would no longer be able to keep it from anyone.

She starred a date on the calendar.

It was a random date.

It would be the date she told him.

She had tried to rehearse what she would say but she could never get to the word, "pregnant."

The day arrived.

It was supposed to be like any other shift but it wasn't.

Note from author:

It's coming…the revelation…the reaction…the missed signals…GSR.

Leave a review!

Take care,

Penny


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty Two:**

The shift was different.

He was different.

He acted strange.

He blocked everyone from the crime scene especially her.

She thought it was another child but then she had heard it was just a woman.

_Maybe he knows her…_

He didn't.

He took one look at the young woman and thought he was losing his mind.

He leaned down and stared into the young woman's face.

He did not see Debbie Marlin but he saw Sara instead.

It scared the shit out of him and he shut his eyes immediately and told himself he should excuse himself from the case and contact Carolyn immediately for a counseling session.

She had cut the visits back to every other week but now he felt he needed to be committed.

He opened his eyes and was relieved to see Debbie Marlin's body lying on the floor.

_I can do this…_

_I can get through this case…_

_It's not Sara…_

He stepped out and his eyes searched for her in the crowd.

He did not stop until he found her.

_She's alive…_

_She right over there…_

_Behind Brass…_

She was mad when he gave her the perimeter.

There was no way he was going to let her inside.

Catherine even noticed the resemblance and pointed it out.

It helped Grissom's confidence…

_Not going insane…_

_I can get through this…_

She called him.

He lied about having a bad connection.

He just didn't want to talk with her.

He worked a double and then entered into his third shift on the case. He had little evidence that would convict Vincent Lurie. He knew he was guilty. He knew he couldn't prove it.

Grissom did not stop until he was safely inside his office.

He shut the door behind him and leaned against the door.

"Something wrong?" she asked.

His head shot over to the couch where Sara sat.

"We don't have enough to convict."

"I'm sorry," she said. "I need to talk with you."

"Not now," he said.

"Griss, I need to tell you I'm…"

"I have to be in an interrogation in five minutes. If this is about another case…"

"No, it's about us."

"There is no us!" He yelled.

She flinched.

She decided she would miss the target date of telling him about the baby.

He said nothing as she stormed out of the office.

He sat there while Brass interrogated him.

He stared at Vincent Lurie.

He seemed like any other surgeon.

He had spent his entire life building his career.

It was based on saving lives and yet he had killed two people in cold blood.

Grissom shook his head.

He was a monster that was going to walk out a free man.

He glanced down at his watch.

He knew she would be watching now.

He had left specific instructions for her to deliver the files.

He had already been told she was listening to the interrogation.

By the look on Brass's face, he confirmed it when he returned from stepping out.

"It's sad, isn't it, doc? Guys like us. Couple of middle-aged men who've allowed their work to consume their lives," said Grissom quietly.

Lurie stopped and listened.

Grissom's voice even surprised Brass. He had sat there quietly during the questioning and had said nothing but now he had taken control of the interrogation.

"The only time we ever touch other people is when we're wearing our latex gloves. We wake up one day and realize that for fifty years we haven't really lived at all. But then, all of a sudden ... we get a second chance."

"Somebody young and beautiful shows up. Somebody we could care about. She offers us a new life with her but we have a big decision to make, right? Because we have to risk everything we've worked for in order to have her."

Grissom looked down at his pad. "I couldn't do it." He looked up and their eyes met.

"But you did. You risked it all." Grissom glared at Lurie making him look away. It did not matter to Grissom; he knew the truth and did not need to see it reflected in Lurie's eyes.

"And she showed you a wonderful life, didn't she? But then she took it away and gave it to somebody else and you were lost so you took her life."

"You killed them both, and now you have nothing."

Vincent Lurie responded quietly, "I'm still here."

"Are you?" asked Grissom.

She swallowed the lump in her throat.

_I'm not worth the risk…_

_He cares more about this job than me…_

_This is why he's been acting like this…_

_He's afraid someone is going to find out…_

Brass checked to make sure Lurie had left.

He leaned in to ensure that no one else heard but Grissom.

"You knew she was standing outside and listening," he said to Grissom.

"She'll move on now. You played on my fear and now I've played on hers," said Grissom.

Grissom stood to leave.

"Gil…"

He stepped out of the door and into the hallway.

Brass cursed.

Grissom turned and came face to face with her.

It was awkward at best.

Grissom glanced at the window and knew she had heard every word.

He was glad.

He hoped she would finally get the message.

He walked past her and headed to his vehicle.

He was finished.

He just wanted to go home.

He got held up at the desk with Judy and finally made his way out.

The parking garage was all but deserted.

He saw her leaning up against his vehicle and he shook his head.

She turned when she saw him.

"I was going to leave but I had this marked on my calendar and I decided to keep a promise to myself."

He sighed. "I'm tired."

"I just want to make sure this is it."

"It never was."

He was taking no prisoners and she felt the first thrust.

"Nothing I can say is going to make a difference then is it?"

"No."

"Nothing like you're the only person I've ever loved…ever going to love…I think I've loved you forever…"

"No…it doesn't," he said.

It was harsh and uncaring.

He stood there resisting her tears that fell freely.

"Gee, you didn't even hesitate. I guess you're right. You wouldn't care if I told you how much this hurts…how much you're hurting me but you don't care, you wouldn't even care if I told you I was pregnant with your child…you just want to be done with me, right?"

His head was pounding.

"You're right. I wouldn't care."

The second thrust really hurt.

She gasped for air and for a moment he waivered.

Her pain was visible that time.

"We're done. No going back," she said. "When I walk away this time, it's for good. I'm finished," she choked out.

"It's been finished," he said.

"Fine. I won't bother you again. Do the same for me. Is it a deal?" she asked between sobs.

"Deal."

The dishes were thrown in the trash.

She had broken most of them anyway from the pity party that began in the shower and ended in the kitchen.

The apartment had been sterilized again.

She wiped the counter again to ensure there was no trace of him.

She stared at the bed with the new comforter.

_New sheets…_

_New comforter…_

_New dishes…_

_New towels…_

_Same broken heart…_

There was a knock on the door but she refused to get up from the couch.

She heard his voice and she sighed.

"I'm not up for company," she said as she opened the door.

"What's wrong?" asked Brass.

The puffy eyes, the red nose and the sniffles told him she had been crying.

She said nothing but buried her head in his shoulder and sobbed.

Brass felt helpless.

He had no idea Grissom's words would hurt her so much.

"Sara…"

"I should be used to this…but this time it really hurt…it hurts so much," she managed to get out.

They sat there on the couch.

He kept his arm protectively around her while she continued to fall apart.

"I didn't understand until today…I didn't understand why he was being so hateful…it's not like him...he never meant to hurt me…he does now…he did. He wants nothing to do with me."

"We're talking about Grissom aren't we?"

"I thought we were finally going to be together...we had been getting close but then all of a sudden he pulled away again. It didn't make any sense. He just…"

"You really love him don't you?" he asked.

"He's all I ever wanted…just him…yes," she said between bouts of tears. "I think I've loved him forever."

"This is my fault," said Brass.

"Your fault?"

She turned and looked at him.

"Sara…I uhm felt bad that I'd never been there to protect you…I just wanted to do that now. I know how much Grissom hurt you over the years. I uhm went and talked with him."

She stood now and faced him.

"What did you say to him?" she yelled.

"I told him to leave you alone. You deserved someone younger who could…"

"Grissom is not old!"

"I told him you needed to find someone who would settle down with you and give you a family. I was just trying to …"

"I never wanted any of that!"

He looked like shit.

"I was just trying to..."

"Protect me?"

"Yes."

"You just pushed away the only man I've ever loved!"

He knew she was mad.

"It was none of your business! I choose who I love and who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I choose …"

She began to cry again.

"I should have tried to find Laura. I should have left messages...something...anything but I didn't. It's my fault you went through hell with John Sidle. It should have been there! I never protected my own child! Not anymore! I'm not about to stand here and let someone hurt you."

"Grissom never abused me! He's always been insecure...unsure about us until...you did this!"

"Sara, I'll talk with him."

"No! He made his choice! You both did. You both decided to live my life for me. I don't need either of you! You just decided that I couldn't make the right choice so you just made it for me. Is

this what you did to Ellie? I make my own choices! Grissom is a big boy, if he really loved me he would have told you to kiss off. Instead, he pushed me away. Maybe you did him a favor. I

heard him with Lurie. He loves that damn job…not me."

"That's not true, Sara. He didn't mean what he said."

"Bullshit!"

"We can sit down and talk about this….all of us."

"No! I'm through with talking! I warned him. I told him if I walked away this time it was for good. I meant it. I can raise this baby on my own without either of you!"

Brass went silent.

Sara covered her mouth.

It had slipped.

"Baby?"

"It's mine."

"Of course it is…Sara, does he know?"

"He doesn't care. He wants to spend the rest of his life alone…so do I."

She began to cry again.

The tirade was over.

He stood quickly and tried to hold her but her hands went up.

"Don't!"

"How far along are you?"

"This is my child…not anyone's business."

"A month?"

"Two months?"

When she didn't say anything, he continued.

"Three months?"

"You were pregnant when you were shot?" he yelled.

"I found out at the hospital…I was late," she said holding her head.

It hurt.

Every part of her body hurt.

"That means…"

"Fifteen weeks."

It felt strange talking to someone finally about the baby.

"Grissom deserves to know," he said.

"I told him. I told him today. I asked him if it would even matter if I was pregnant and he said no. He doesn't care. I'm done…I'm done with this," she said crying.

"Sara, I'm sorry. I'll talk with him. I'll…"

"I don't care! I blame both of you. Both of you decided without even asking me!"

"Sara…"

"I want you to go," she said.

"You shouldn't be upset like this. It's not good…"

"Don't you dare try to tell me what's best for me…leave!"

He felt helpless but he left.

He no sooner left there than he was arriving at Grissom's.

He banged and banged until Grissom opened the door.

He regretted his actions the moment he opened the door.

"I'm sorry. I forgot you almost pulled a third shift. I need to talk with you," said Brass.

"See me at the office," said Grissom as he started to close the door but Brass blocked the entrance with his foot.

"It's Sara," he said. "This is serious."

He remembered how she had looked just hours earlier.

He wasn't much better.

He had completely fallen apart when he came home.

He had taken something just a few minutes ago in hopes that he could sleep.

"I can't do this right now," he said.

"Did you know she's pregnant?"

Note from author:

How do you think Grissom is going to react when he realizes what he has done? Be kind and leave a review.

Take care,

Penny


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty Three:**

His mind was foggy.

"Pregnant?"

"Did you know?" asked Brass.

He left the door open and found a seat.

Grissom's head went into his hands when he realized what she had been trying to tell him but he refused to listen.

"She mentioned…I thought she meant "what if"…I didn't know she was pregnant," he said letting his anguish drip from every word.

"She's very pregnant," said Brass walking in and looking around.

The place was a mess.

"How pregnant?" he asked suddenly.

"Fifteen weeks."

"Why didn't she tell me?" Grissom yelled.

"This is my fault. I got in the way. I just wanted to protect her. I've made a mess of this," said Brass sitting down.

"How is she?" Grissom asked suddenly. "She was pretty upset when I left her in the parking lot."

_so was I..._

_I thought I would die..._

_not even a counseling session helped..._

"She's still upset. She practically threw me out of the apartment. I told her…what I did…she knows I asked you to leave her alone. She's mad at me too. She keeps saying that the baby is

hers…hers alone…I don't think she's going to let either of us…"

"That's my child too!" Grissom yelled as he stood up and began to pace. "She said…I let her walk away…I just stood there and let her walk away…God she was so upset…I didn't know she

was pregnant…I never would have….this is all your…" he stopped.

He couldn't blame Brass.

He had gone along with it.

"My fault," finished Brass. "I know."

"You didn't tell me anything I wasn't already worried about. I didn't have to listen to you...it's not like I have in the past when it came these kinds of matters...I uhm always worried about

the age thing….thought she deserved someone younger…better than me but she just kept…" Grissom slumped back down in the chair.

"When she told me all the hell she went through at the hands of John Sidle I wanted to kill him. Laura had already done that. She had protected our child...not me. I should have tried to

find her...I loved her. I always have. Instead, I let my pride get in the way. I felt she chose John over me and I wasn't going to play second fiddle to anyone. Sara paid the price for that. I

just didn't want her hurt anymore. She kept bringing up your name that day. I knew it was getting serious...I just didn't know how serious," said Brass.

He looked at Grissom.

"I threatened you because I couldn't threaten a dead man. John Sidle was dead but there you were. I'd watched her over the years trying to make you love her...she even cried on my

shoulder a time or two. I didn't want you hurting my child anymore. I didn't want you to throw away her love like it was nothing. Sara's love is something. It's deep and innocent and God

only knows why she chose to love the two of us. We don't deserve her love. Now, I think I've ruined it for both of us."

Grissom said nothing.

His friend sat there in tears.

He had a few of his own.

He felt the sleeping pill kick in.

"You don't look good," said Brass trying to compose himself.

"Sleeping pill…hate the damn things…Carolyn gave me a prescription when I couldn't sleep."

"My fault," Brass said again feeling guilty.

"She really threw you out?" Grissom asked.

"Yes."

He rubbed his temple.

"You should sleep. We can talk about this later. We'll check on her at shift," said Brass.

"No, we won't," said Grissom.

"What the hell do you mean, no?"

"It's her night off. She won't be coming in," said Grissom.

"Call her in," said Brass.

"What if she needs the time off? Hell I need time off…I can't function at the office…I uhm completed the paperwork for a leave of absence," said Grissom.

"Like hell! You can't leave now," said Brass.

"No, I won't." he said.

"Wait, why were you taking a leave of absence?" he asked.

"I'm a mess. I can't work…I barely sleep…I can't eat…nothing makes sense anymore," he said.

"You really love her, don't you?" asked Brass.

"Yes, I do."

"She loves you too."

"I'm not sure she's going to let me back in," said Grissom. "She sounded so final. God, I really hurt her this time."

"Give her time."

"She's stubborn…like you," said Grissom.

"Yes, she is."

"Stubborn and pigheaded," added Grissom.

"I'm not pigheaded."

"Yes, you are."

"She's kind of cute when she has a temper," said Brass.

"Yes, she is."

"Gil, I'm worried about her."

"Me too."

"Get some sleep. Mind if I hang around?" asked Brass.

Grissom shook his head as he stood.

Brass extended his hand and Grissom took it.

The hand shake was followed by an embrace.

"Sleep before you fall down."

"Jim, I am happy about the baby."

"Me too...let's just hope it looks like me," said Brass.

Brass glanced around and began cleaning the townhouse.

He collected trash and took it out.

He set the dishes in the dishwasher and then he noticed the prescription bottles sitting on the counter.

He glanced toward the bedroom.

_High blood pressure…_

_Sleeping pills…_

_Shit…_

He slept.

He slept for hours and hours.

Brass called in sick for him when he continued to sleep.

"Is he okay?" asked Catherine.

"He's going to be. He's been sleeping for eleven hours. Cath, I need a favor."

"Name it."

"Don't call Sara in. She has the night off. She really needs it."

"We'll cover things," said Catherine. "I take it you're going to be out also?"

"I'm going to hang around until he gets up…make sure he eats."

"It's about time," she said.

"Yeah, I know."

"You two fight?" asked Catherine.

"Yeah, you could say that but we're good."

"Take care of him," she said.

"Try not to call him. He needs the rest," said Brass.

He emerged an hour later.

He rushed in and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Brass.

"Thought that was a dream," he said.

"Afraid not. I called in for you. I told them you were taking the night off," said Brass. "I also fixed you something to eat."

Grissom looked around. "Looks like you cleaned also."

"It needed it."

Grissom sat down.

"Feeling any better?" he asked.

"Yes."

"How long have you been taking the sleeping pills?"

"A couple of weeks."

"Get rid of them."

Grissom said nothing as Brass handed him some coffee.

Once he had eaten, Brass began talking.

"Got any ideas?" asked Brass.

"Beg."

"That's original," said Brass. "I asked Catherine not to call her in."

"Good."

"Going to see her?"

"Not sure. I thought I would send you first and if she slaughtered you, I would give her some space until she calmed down," said Grissom sipping on the coffee.

"I tried calling her. She has her phone off."

"You think she's okay?" asked Grissom suddenly.

"She was pretty upset."

"I'll get dressed and go," said Grissom.

"Good."

His hands trembled as he stood there in the doorway.

He knocked but there was no sound.

He glanced around and took out his key.

"Sara?"

He found her asleep on the couch.

"Sara?"

She opened her eyes and glared.

"Leave!"

"I want to talk with you," he said.

"You had your chance. Get out!"

"I uhm know about the baby."

"I'm sure he went straight over there and told you."

"Yes, he did."

She closed her eyes and told herself to calm down.

"I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance to tell me," he said.

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does," he said.

"No, it doesn't. This is my child."

"My child too," he said quietly.

"No it isn't! It's mine," she managed to get out.

She wanted it to sound forceful but it came out weak.

"You don't mean that," he said softly. "I hurt you…I'm sorry."

"I'm sick of your apologies. Go!"

He noticed the dark circles, the swollen eyes, the paleness of her skin and the fact that despite her demands, she remained on the couch.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"It's none of your business!"

"Sara, please. Are you okay?"

"No. I'm not! I've just spent the last sixteen hours in hell but I'm going to be fine. I'm a Sidle. I'll survive."

"You're a Brass."

"I don't want his name anymore…I'm done with both of you."

"You can't do that. Jim only wanted to protect you…I did too."

"Go away!" she said as her voice cracked.

He reached out to hold her but she pushed him away.

"I don't want you here. We had a deal. I'll leave you alone…you leave me alone."

"Is that what you want?" he asked.

"Yes!"

"You didn't even hesitate. I guess it doesn't matter if I told you that you're the only person I've ever loved," said Grissom.

"No!"

"Or that I did this because I wanted you to be happy…I've always been afraid that I was too old…I was afraid I would die some day and leave you alone…my father died of a heart attack…I

thought you deserved someone younger, someone who could give you a family…I wasn't sure I could."

"You did!"

She grabbed his hand and placed it on her abdomen.

He felt the bulge.

"I didn't know. I would have …"

He saw that the conversation was only making her angrier.

She did not look well.

He noticed the waste can beside the couch.

"Sick?"

"Leave!"

"Make me," he said.

She glared at him.

"Make me," he said softly.

"Please leave."

"Get up and make me," he said.

She couldn't.

She was too exhausted.

Her stomach ached along with her head and she was too frightened to move.

The last pity party had left her shaky and weak.

"You're sick," he said.

She closed her eyes and willed herself to get up.

She managed to lift her head but slumped back down.

He sat down on the coffee table.

"When was the last time you've eaten?"

She said nothing.

"A deal is a deal. I'm not bothering you. I am taking care of my child. You have to eat. If you don't, you punish the baby. The baby needs…"

"After shift…I ate a sandwich. I uhm ate some crackers a few hours ago."

He turned and headed to the kitchen and began preparing something. He brought her a glass of milk. She drank all of it. He returned with another one. She took it.

"You can leave," she yelled out several times as he ignored her and continued cooking.

Once the meal was done, he brought it to her on a tray. It was a stir fry. He helped her sit up and she took the plate with trembling hands. Once she was done, he returned th dishes to the

kitchen. "There's some more in a container in the fridge."

She said nothing as she slumped back down on the couch.

"You should sleep in the bed," he said.

_I would if I could get there…_

_I could sleep if you would leave…_

_So tired…_

_Just leave…_

She cursed when he came and picked her up.

"Put me down," she said.

"As soon as you're in bed," he said.

"Stop! I can walk," she said.

"Right," he replied.

The bed was better.

She rolled to her side and closed her eyes as she felt him standing there.

She suddenly didn't care anymore that he was there as she felt herself drifting asleep.

The sounds coming from the kitchen woke her.

She opened her eyes and found him putting things away.

He turned and saw that she was awake.

He came and stood near the bed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. You were out of some things and I went to the store for you."

"I don't need your help," she said.

"I didn't offer it," he said. "I'm just…"

"Stop this," said Sara.

"Stop what?"

"Give me the key back," she said.

"It's mine."

"I don't want you coming back."

"So when you're too sick to care for my child, I'm just supposed to ignore it?" he asked.

"I can take of myself!"

"Can you get up?"

"Yes, I can!"

She threw the blanket off her and struggled to get up.

She stood there shaking.

"A slight breeze could knock you down."

"I'm up. You can leave," she said on wobbly knees.

"Sit down before you fall down," he said.

"I'm not going to fall down! You can go…You can…"

She covered her mouth.

She was struggling to get to the bathroom now.

"Sara…"

She managed to get there just as the contents of the dinner emerged.

He cursed at himself.

He had not meant to make her sick. It was not his intentions. He knew that as long as she stayed angry, he had a chance to talk with her. One glimpse of affection and she would recoil.

He stood there as she spilled out the dinner.

He handed her a washcloth and she took it.

"Done?"

She nodded.

"Need some help?"

"No."

He left the bathroom but stayed in eyeshot of her.

She got to her feet but sat back down in a pool of tears.

He stood there and watched her cry but said nothing.

His hand trembled.

He hated seeing her like this.

She stood again and crumbled into the bed burying herself in the covers.

He brought her some crackers and ale.

She took it.

"Getting upset is not helping."

"Leave…please leave me alone Grissom."

He waivered.

"Some rules," he said.

"Rules?"

"Yes, rules. If you're sick, you tell me. We share this pregnancy. It's mine too. I leave you alone. You…"

"Go away."

"Sara…"

"You're making me sick again!"

"I'm sorry."

He sat down on the bed.

"I'll leave when you're better."

"I can't get better if you're here."

"I'll get Brass."

"I don't want him here."

"Then we have a problem.

"Go! I can't do this anymore. I'm too sick to fight with you."

"Then don't," he said wanting desperately to hold her.

She looked so vulnerable.

"Want to help me?" she whispered.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked.

"Leave!"

"Sara, I want to be a father. I want…"

"No!"

"You're upset. You…"

"This baby is mine!"

"You can't keep the baby from me. That was not part of the deal!"

"Yes, it was."

"No! It wasn't."

"Fine. We can have this discussion in five months."

"You expect me to not…"

"A deal is a deal."

Note from author:

Please leave a review. I'm still reading them while I contemplate my next trip...I have to go somewhere next weekend unexpectedly so...that means we have to finish this soon... I've got alot of proofreading to do!

Take care,

Penny


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter twenty Four:**

He looked hurt.

She didn't care.

She was already hurt.

"You really want me to leave you alone?" he asked quietly.

"Yes!"

"Jim…"

"He was in this with you."

"You shouldn't…"

"I don't want to see either of you!"

"He's your father," said Grissom quietly. "Don't push him away too."

"I didn't push anyone away. You walked away…you let me walk away," she sobbed. "Just go away!"

"Can I get you anything?" he asked.

"No…you can leave now."

"When you're able to walk around without turning green…I'll leave," he said.

"Fine!"

She rolled over and felt another wave of nausea hit.

She moaned.

The trash can appeared near the bed.

A glass of ale and crackers appeared.

He stepped into the living room and tried to compose himself.

Her words had stung and he could have only imagined what his had done the night before when she stood there and begged him.

He had hurt her deeply this time.

He quietly stepped back into the bedroom an hour later and saw that the crackers and ale were gone.

She still hiccupped in her sleep.

Her eyes were swollen.

A pillow lay tucked underneath her stomach as she clutched another.

He wondered if she was in pain by the way she moaned every now and then when she moved.

He stood there and watched as she slept.

An hour passed and then another.

He sat down in the chair beside the bed and did nothing but watch her.

_She's getting plenty of sleep…_

_She needs the rest…_

_She looks so tired…_

_I'll need to watch her caseload…_

_I'll need to monitor the cases…_

_She'll need to be careful in the field…_

_We'll need to work this out…_

_Hell, how do I fix this mess…_

She woke with a start.

They stared at one another.

"You've been sleeping for hours."

She glanced over and saw a tray beside the bed with soup and a sandwich along with crackers and ale.

"I wasn't sure what you would be able to hold down."

She gingerly pulled herself up.

He noticed every move and gesture she made.

She was better but she was still weak.

She managed to eat part of the soup and then ate the crackers. The ale disappeared as well.

He was pleased.

She threw back the covers and stood.

He watched with a careful eye as she disappeared into the bathroom but later returned and slid back into the bed.

"I'm not green," she managed to get out.

"You're still weak," he said.

She curled back down into the covers.

He took the tray and returned it to the kitchen.

He started to sit back down in the chair but she spoke quickly.

"I didn't turn green…you can leave," she said.

"Sara…"

"You made the deal. You said if I didn't turn green, you would leave," she said.

He kept his word.

"Take another night off," he said quietly before he left.

She told herself not to cry but she did.

She hated feeling this way.

She showered and actually felt better.

Her body was still sore from the bouts of crying but she told herself she needed to work.

Besides, she would have to tell everyone.

There was also the matter of Brass and Grissom.

She pulled out the left overs from the fridge.

She finished with an apple along with another glass of milk.

She grabbed another apple and a pack of crackers and headed to work.

She arrived just before he entered the conference room with the assignments.

He glared at her but said nothing as he handed out the assignments.

She was paired with Nick.

She grabbed the assignment and headed out the door.

"Hey, wait up," said Nick.

"Sorry. I'm just ready to work," she said.

"You sure? You don't look good."

_Great…just great…_

She glanced at the assignment.

She cursed when she read it.

"This does not take two people," she muttered.

"Let me see," said Nick.

She was right.

"I'll take it. You stay here," he said.

"No way."

She grabbed the assignment from his hands.

"See you later."

"Wait a minute! Grissom assigned it to both of us," he said.

"Nick, it doesn't take two people to do this assignment and you know it."

"All I know is my supervisor gave me an order and I'm following it."

"He told you guys didn't he?"

"Told us what?"

"Great. Just great."

She folded her arms.

"I'm not putting up with this," she said.

"You will if your supervisor says…"

"He's not going to stop sending me out solo just because I'm pregnant."

Nick's eyes widened.

She cursed inwardly.

"Sorry, but Grissom did not tell me that," he said.

"I just did," she said.

He hugged her.

"You okay with it?" he asked.

"Yes, I am."

"How far along are you?"

"Fifteen weeks."

"Fifteen weeks! You sure know how to keep a secret."

She shook her head. "I did until now."

"Who else knows?"

"Grissom and Brass."

"Who's the lucky guy?" asked Nick.

She glared at him.

"Sorry. Stupid question. None of my business."

"Exactly why I never said anything."

"Grissom is right. You have to be careful…you could get hurt…expose the baby to God knows what."

"Don't think I haven't thought about that every time I stepped foot outside this lab but I don't take chances. I check...I'm not going to do anything that would put this baby at risk."

"What baby?" asked Greg.

She shook her head.

"Why don't you just tell the others?" asked Nick.

"Apparently I'm doing that."

"What baby?" asked Greg again.

"I'm pregnant," she said.

Greg looked shocked.

"You know two is enough in one shift," she said stalking away.

"Is she serious?" asked Greg.

"Yeah…oh yeah," said Nick.

She opened and closed the door without invitation.

He looked up and gave her his full attention.

"I could have done the assignment solo," she said.

"Yes, you could," he said setting down the file in his hand.

"I'm leaving Nick here."

"Nick will go."

She seethed.

"You look tired," he said. "There are no other assignments. Nick is going."

"Fine!"

She turned and started to walk out when he called out.

"You should tell the others. I'll have to start making adjustments in the assignments because of the pregnancy."

She whirled around. "What adjustments?"

"No decomps…no double shifts…"

"That's bullshit!"

"No that is my discretion as your supervisor …and the father of your child."

"You can't enforce that."

"Yes, I can."

"I'll switch shifts."

"Submit the paperwork," he said. "There are no vacancies in the other shifts."

She seethed.

"Personnel will probably move your supervision to someone else. I've recommended Catherine," he said.

She looked at him.

"I'm claiming the child."

She thought she was going to hyperventilate.

He was immediately up and around the desk pulling her into a seat.

She snatched her arm away.

"You can't keep the pregnancy a secret. It's best you tell the others."

"Nick and Greg know."

"You should tell the others."

She nodded.

"Sara…"

"Remember our deal," she said as she got up and left.

It did not go as he had planned.

She told the others by the end of the day.

Rumors and gossip was flying.

She saw the looks and the stares.

She was glad when the shift ended and she was home.

Days passed and the flurry of gossip continued.

The team was very supportive as she said nothing else about the pregnancy and hid her fear over the upcoming ultrasound.

"So when is the ultrasound?" asked Catherine while they were in the break room waiting for assignments.

"Tomorrow morning," she said.

"Nervous?"

"Yes," she admitted.

"I remember my first ultrasound. I couldn't get Eddie to come. He had some big record deal he was trying to get. My mom came with me. Good thing cause I was scared to death. I mean

there's nothing to it but I was afraid there would be something wrong with the baby. I hadn't exactly taken care of myself those first two months of the pregnancy."

She looked at Sara and saw that she had hit a nerve.

"Going by yourself?" she asked.

"Yes."

"I just thought Brass or…Grissom would go with you."

She said nothing and left.

Catherine watched as Grissom strode in and looked around.

"Where is everyone?" he asked.

"The guys are on their way. I think I just upset Sara," she said.

"How?"

"I asked if you or Brass were going with her tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? What's tomorrow?"

"The ultrasound."

She looked at him confused. "You're the father, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am."

"She seems mad at you and Brass. What did you two do?"

"A long story," he said.

Grissom was waiting at her door when she arrived home.

He had been there for an hour.

He thought better than to use the key.

She groaned.

While the shift had not been hard, she was exhausted.

She had stopped off on the way and gotten something to eat but still she did not feel any energy return.

"I'm tired, Grissom."

"You look tired."

"What do you want?" she asked.

"Can I come in?" He asked. "It will only take a minute."

She sighed.

She unlocked the door and headed to the kitchen.

He stepped inside and shut the door.

"Personnel is switching you over to Catherine's supervision tomorrow."

"You could have called and told me that," she said swallowing some pills with the glass of juice.

"I needed to talk with you about something else," he said quietly.

"What?" she asked as she braced herself on the counter.

"The ultrasound," he said. "Can I come with you?"

"No. A deal is a deal."

Note from author:

Poor Sara…poor Grissom…she can be stubborn…but so can Grissom...leave a review.

Take care,

Penny


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty Five:**

"Please, Sara."

It hurt.

"Don't," she said.

"I want to come. I won't get in the way," he said. "I just want to come."

"Why?"

"Cause it's my child! Cause that is part of me and you and please Sara."

She rubbed her temple.

"Grissom, don't. You wouldn't be here if I wasn't pregnant."

"I wanted to. I just didn't want to come between you and Brass. He went overboard when he found out he was your father. I can understand. He loves you…as much as I do."

"Stop," she whispered.

He stepped forward.

"I thought I would give him some time to get used to being a father but then what he said held some truth. I am much older than you. I wasn't sure about starting a family…it's not that I

wasn't willing to try. I was just afraid of disappointing you. I got scared. The old fears came back and I thought that perhaps he was right. I watched a woman not much older than you after

she had lost her husband from a heart attack. I saw us…I didn't want that for you. My father died of a heart attack. He just went to sleep on the couch one day and never woke up. "

It was the first he had ever told her anything so personal.

She waivered but then she remembered the pain she had felt as she stood there in the parking lot while he ripped out her heart.

"It wasn't your choice! You and Brass didn't care about how I felt! You just made your decision and…" She stopped. "This isn't getting us anywhere. I'm tired and I need to shower."

"I'm sorry. I won't keep you any longer," he said as he turned and started to leave.

He stopped when she began to cry.

"Sara?"

Her hands were on her abdomen and he was there suddenly.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

She said nothing but kept her hands firmly in place.

"Sara?"

"Butterflies," she whispered. "They said it would feel like butterflies…it does."

"You felt the baby?" he asked quickly.

She nodded. "I felt our baby Grissom."

It was the first time she had not used the word, mine.

He grabbed her taking her into his arms.

She tried to pull away but he refused to let go.

She felt the wetness on his cheek.

She gulped.

She had never seen him cry.

She didn't want to now.

"Don't."

"I love you Sara…love you so much," he said.

"Let me go," she said.

"Punish me," he said. "I deserve it but please don't cut me out of your life…don't keep the baby from me."

"This isn't punishment. It's done. It's finished."

He hated that word.

"You mean it?"

"Yes, I do."

"What do we do about this?" he asked as he placed his trembling hand on the slight bulge.

"Mine."

"Ours."

"Five months," she said. "This baby is mine until five months."

"Sara…"

"I'm tired Grissom."

"The ultrasound..."

"No."

"What time?"

"No."

"I'll meet you there. What time?"

"No."

"I'll sit and just watch. Nothing more. What time?"

"9:00 am" she said not sure why she was telling him.

"9:00 am," he said. "I'll be there."

She threw her hands up in the air as she headed to the bedroom.

He stood there and watched as she grabbed her robe and then stepped into the bathroom.

The shower turned on and he stood there unsure what to do.

_she didn't tell me to leave..._

_I'm not..._

_I can't..._

Minutes later she returned and pulled down the bed sliding beneath the covers.

He quietly walked into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"You didn't eat," he said.

"I picked up something before I came home," she said.

He sat there for a moment in silence.

"9:00 am Dr. Randal's office," she said. "I have two hours. I need an hour of sleep."

"Sorry."

He sat there and stroked her hair.

It felt good.

She told herself to tell him to leave.

Of course she doubted he would listen.

She was tired.

His hands were gentle and the soft strokes lulled her to sleep.

She curled up and instinctively reached for him.

He swiped at his eyes and then kissed her gently on the lips.

_Small steps…_

_Very small steps…_

He woke her in an hour.

She pulled herself up and grimaced.

She was still tired.

She had not been sleeping well.

He stood there and waited until she entered the living room.

She noticed he held his keys in his hand.

"You ready?" he asked.

"You can go. I'll meet you there," she said.

"I thought I would drive you."

They stared at one another.

She bit down on her lower lip to avoid the urge to yell at him.

She was too tired to argue at the moment.

She sat there across from him and said nothing even though he attempted several conversations.

She couldn't talk at the moment.

Her nerves were knotted and when they arrived, she felt her stomach revolt.

"Nerves?" he asked.

She nodded.

"It's going to be alright," he said softly.

"You…don't know that," she said.

He took her hand and held it tight as they sat down and waited.

_Let go of his hand Sara..._

_Don't let him think you've forgiven him..._

She couldn't let go.

She was scared.

She had never been this scared in her life not even when she hid from John Sidle.

As soon as her name was called, she was up out of the chair and his hand sought hers again.

She felt awkward as she lay there.

"Let's see what we have here," said the technician. "You want to know the sex?"

"Yes," she said.

"Okay, let's see if it cooperates."

She watched as the technician moved the wand around on her abdomen taking measurements.

She stopped for a second and then slid it back.

She glanced at Sara and then continued gliding from side to side.

"What's wrong?" asked Sara suddenly.

"Nothing," said the technician.

Sara looked at Grissom.

"Something is wrong," she said. "You keep taking photos of the baby, why?"

"The babies are fine," she said.

"Babies?" asked Grissom suddenly.

"Twins," said the technician.

She was given a paper bag to keep from hyperventilating.

"I'll get the doctor," said the technician to Grissom.

She disappeared while Sara struggled with the news.

"Nothing is wrong," he whispered as he kissed her on the forehead. "Just twins."

"Twins!" she yelled. "I'm still trying to get used to one!"

"We have twins," grinned Grissom.

"This is not funny!" she yelled.

"No, it's not. We're going to have twins, Sara," he smiled.

She heaved in and out of the bag.

"Nice steady breaths," he reminded her.

Dr. Randal stepped into the room.

"Sara, how are you doing?"

"Not good," she said.

The doctor smiled. "Let me take a look," she said.

She took the wand and slid it over Sara's abdomen. "Here's the first one. He's small."

"A boy," said Grissom.

"Now, here's the other one," she said "This one is a…"

"A what?" asked Sara.

"Not being cooperative," said Dr. Randal.

"Then it's a girl," said Grissom. "It's most definitely a girl."

The doctor smiled, "He's right, it's a girl."

"A boy and a girl?" asked Sara.

"That's right," she said with a smile.

"Sara…Sara stop doing that, you're going to hyperventilate!" warned Grissom.

She sat there numbly while Grissom gathered up the information about twins.

He asked question after question while she sat there and tried to remember when her life had gone out of control.

"Sara?"

She turned and looked at him.

"We're home," he said.

"Home?"

"Your apartment," he said.

"Oh."

She opened the door and got out but he was already there by her side.

He took the keys from her hands and unlocked the apartment.

"Lie down," he said.

She did.

She grabbed her blanket and curled up on the couch.

"I'll fix you something to eat," he offered.

She didn't listen.

She was already asleep.

He picked up the phone and called Brass.

"She let you go?"

"Yes."

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"A boy….and a girl."

"What?"

"Twins."

He began to chuckle as Grissom did the same.

"How is she?"

"Sleeping. She's shell shocked."

"Don't leave her!" Brass said.

"I'll let her sleep for awhile but she needs to eat."

"I'll pick up something and bring it," he offered.

"That would be good. I'm kind of tired myself," said Grissom.

"Is she okay…really?"

"Blood pressure was a little up and she's anemic but she and the babies are good. I have a video and photos."

"You do?"

"Yes."

"You think she should work tonight?"

"I'll see how she's feeling," he said. "She's still angry…pissed would be the operative word here."

"You think she'll see me?" asked Brass.

"Small steps," said Grissom.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

She didn't want to wake up but as soon as she smelled the veggie burger and fries, she pulled herself up.

She was not thrilled to see Brass.

"I brought your favorite," he said.

She glanced at Grissom and her eyes darkened.

"Sit down and eat," he said softly.

She sat down at the table and tried to ignore the two while she ate.

"How are you feeling?" asked Brass.

"Good," she said.

He was relieved she even answered.

"Sara…" began Brass.

"Don't."

She stood and put the plate in the sink as she turned to face both of them.

"I need air," she said as she hurried past them and disappeared into the bedroom only to return in sweats and running shoes.

The men looked at one another.

"You think that's wise?" asked Grissom. "The anemia…"

She was out the door before he could finish the statement.

"She's still pissed," said Brass.

"Yes she is but at least she hasn't drawn her gun on either of us," said Grissom.

"Where does she keep it? We could hide it," said Brass.

Grissom grinned.

"I'm not sure she's happy about the twins," said Brass.

"She's scared," said Grissom. "I think she was prepared to raise one on her own but two…she's scared."

"We could use this to our advantage," said Brass.

Grissom frowned.

She made it to the end of the block and stopped.

She had no energy to be jogging but she needed to get away.

She could not stay there and see them.

She was still hurt from their actions and needed to resolve those feelings.

She stood there and panted as she stared down at the ground.

She glanced back at the apartment complex and saw their vehicles were still there.

She knew that the park was nearby but she had not planned to go that far.

She thought they would leave.

They didn't.

Now, she was stuck.

_Go back and face them…_

_Get to the park and sit there until I can walk back…_

She chose the park.

Any other day, she could jog to the park within minutes but now with the pregnancy her strength and stamina were lagging.

She knew it was the anemia.

Of course, the strain of their situation did not help things.

Her heart wanted to accept Grissom but her head told her to beware.

He had been willing to toss her aside at the request of Brass.

_He comes running back after he found out I was pregnant…_

She found an empty bench and sat down.

She would have been happy to lie down on it and sleep but then the thought of germs and vandals and rapists and muggers came to mind.

She chose to sit there.

Her thoughts were now on the twins.

_Why did this have to happen?_

_Why twins?_

_They think everything is fine…_

_It's not…_

_I was a twin…_

_I survived…_

_My brother didn't…_

_A girl and a boy…_

_The boy is small…_

_He probably won't survive…_

_But then the girl is small also…_

_What if I lose them both?_

Note from author:

I know I am throwing in another twist…sorry. Be kind and leave a review.

Take care,

Penny


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty Six:**

People came and went in the park but she was content to sit there.

It was the first time she had really thought about the situation.

She felt her hands protectively wrap around the small bulge.

She could not imagine losing one of them or worse both of them.

"Penny for your thoughts," said Grissom as he sat down beside her.

She said nothing but continued to sit there and watch the children play.

"I was worried when you didn't come back in an hour," he said.

She glanced down at her watch and frowned.

She had been gone for three hours.

"I've been sitting over there watching you," he said pointing to the Denali.

He handed her a bottled water and she took it.

"Thanks," she murmured.

"You're uhm not happy about the twins, are you?" he asked.

"No, I'm not," she said standing.

"Ride with me," he said. "Please."

She sat there and finished the rest of the water.

"Were you happy about the pregnancy?" he asked.

"Yes, I was…after the initial shock and fear that I might miscarry because I'd been shot," she said.

He remembered how scared he was that night when he saw her standing there in her own blood.

"I'm sorry. I wish you had told me."

"Not like I didn't try," she said. "Things were not right between us but then they never were."

"Sara…"

"Griss, I don't want to keep rehashing this."

"Then let's not. Let's put it behind us and focus on the twins."

"There's not going to be twins...just like there is no us," she said as she jumped out once they arrived.

"What do you mean…"

She was already inside.

He didn't bother knocking but used the key he had.

"What do you mean no twins?" he asked.

"I need to shower before shift," she said.

"Answer me!"

"Stop! Stop pushing me! Both of you come in here as if nothing has happened but it did. Do you have any idea what the two of you put me through? I tried Grissom. I really tried to get

through to you while trying to deal with the pregnancy and you just kept pushing me away. That hurt. That hurt worse than anything that you have ever done!"

"Sara…"

"I want to shower in peace and get ready for work," she said as she tried to catch her breath.

"I'm sorry," he said. "We can talk about this later."

_Small steps Grissom…_

_Small steps…_

_You're pushing her away…_

_She's scared…_

She turned and started to walk away when she stopped. "I need some space. I need it now more than ever…if you don't give it to me…please," she said as she left the room.

He was scared at that moment.

He had no idea what she meant by the statement and he didn't like leaving her but he did.

He did not want to risk alienating her anymore.

He waited anxiously for her to come to the lab.

She walked in just before the shift began.

He had already gone through the assignments and found a case in which both of them could work together.

He stood and gathered his things and was surprised when he found her in his doorway.

"I would appreciate it if we didn't work together," she said.

He stared at her as she turned and walked away.

His shoulders slumped but he sat back down and began redistributing the cases once more.

Once the assignments were handed out he watched as she disappeared to work solo on a case.

His stomach knotted.

He picked up the phone and called Brass.

"She's solo," he said.

"Are you nuts?" asked Brass.

"I'll explain later. She's on your watch tonight. I would suggest getting someone else to keep an eye on her. If you show, she's liable to get upset. She asked me to give her some space. I

think we better do it," he said.

He tried to keep his mind focused on his work but he couldn't.

"Something wrong?" asked Catherine.

"No…yes. What do you know about multiple births?" he asked.

"Multiple births? You mean twins or triplets or…"

"Twins."

"Does this have anything to do with Sara?"

"Ultrasound revealed twins," he said.

"How did she take it?"

"I don't think she's happy."

"It was bad enough with just Lindsey. I couldn't imagine twins."

"Well, that's what she has…she'll just need to adjust to…" began Grissom.

"You know there is such a thing as birth reduction…"

Grissom's heart pounded heavily in his chest. "You mean eliminate one? They only do that in multiple births where…"

"They do that any time there is a desire…partial abortion but it works," said Catherine.

"Kill one but keep the other?" he yelled.

"Yes…why are you so upset?" she asked.

"That's wrong," he said.

"Well, I could never see Sara doing anything like that…she's too prolife."

"_There's not going to be twins."_

"You think you could finish this up?" he asked.

"Yeah, we're about done. Are you okay?" she asked.

"No, I'm not!"

He checked and found her still working the solo. He knew she would be angry to see him but he could not wait any longer. He had to know what she meant.

"I've got to ask you something," he said coming to stand behind her.

She cursed but sat down on the floor and looked up.

He looked around to make sure they were alone.

"Are you considering a partial abortion?" he asked.

"What?"

"You said there wasn't going to be twins. Are you planning to get rid of one?"

She threw down her gloves and struggled to get up.

He tried to help but she slapped his hand away.

"What kind of person do you think I am?" she yelled.

He realized she had no intention of doing anything like that and relief washed over him.

"Sara…"

"Get away from me!"

"I'm sorry. What you said has been running around in my head and I was concerned…no scared. Sara, what did you mean?"

"I can't deal with this. I just can't," she sat back down and hid her face in her knees.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm worried…I'm worried about you and the twins."

"I was happy about being pregnant. I thought I could handle it but twins," she choked out.

"Sara, you're not in this alone. You have me and Brass and the others," he said softly.

"I was a twin," she said. "I lived and he died. Twins don't survive in my family. One lives and one dies…it's what my mother told me…how am I supposed to deal with this knowing that I'm

going to lose one while the other lives? Which one? What happens if I lose them both? I uhm was sick…very sick. My mom said I wasn't expected to survive but I did. I was lucky. What

happens if I lose them both? I don't think I can handle that much of a loss. I lost us and now I stand to lose…"

"You didn't lose us. I'm right here!"

"Like you reminded me over and over, there is no 'us'."

"You know that's not true. Sara, I love you…"

She pulled herself up and returned to work.

"I need to work. I need to get this done."

"Let me help. I'm here already."

"I don't want your help."

"Just this once…let me help," he said.

"I can finish this," she said as she held back the tears.

She told herself it was no time for a pity party.

She was not at home and she was sure that once she started, she would not stop for some time.

She reached for the swab and began working even though her shoulders shook and she could not seem to focus for the tears that dropped.

She swiped at her eyes with her sleeve.

With each tear she lost more control until she sat there slowly falling apart.

He sat down behind her and pulled her into his arms.

"I've got you Sara," he whispered into her ear as he kissed her. "I've got you."

The officer stepped inside but Grissom motioned for him to leave.

He was content to sit there in the middle of a crime scene and hold her while she cried.

Minutes passed and she slowed the steady flow of tears.

"I'm good," she said as she slowly pulled away. "I'll finish now."

He let go and let her return to work.

He picked up a pair of gloves but she whispered, "Please" and he dropped them.

He stood and made his way outside.

Brass had arrived.

No doubt, the officer had alerted him.

"Is she okay?" asked Brass.

"We should leave her alone," said Grissom as he headed toward the Denali.

"Jason called and said she was crying," he said.

"She's okay. She won't be if she comes out here and finds both of us here," said Grissom.

Brass was reluctant to leave.

"Follow me to the office. I have some things to tell you," he said.

They sat in Grissom's office as he told Brass about her admission.

"I had no idea. She never said anything…I mean we talked about everything but her birth," he said.

"She was probably trying to spare you with the knowledge that there had been two instead of one. Sometimes, twins carry guilt. She doesn't understand why she survived and he didn't,"

said Grissom.

"You think there is a possibility that this is going to happen with the twins?" asked Brass.

"They're fine but then in another month, things could change. I'll contact her OB and talk with her. Sara was too shocked to say anything during the appointment," said Grissom.

"I should go. She shouldn't see us together," said Brass.

She returned to the lab and logged in the evidence.

She pulled up her caseload and began going through the cases.

He said nothing as she passed in the hallway while he stood talking with Warrick.

It had been a long shift and soon it would be time to leave.

He had placed a note on her computer screen indicating there was food in the fridge.

He glanced in the break room and was glad to see her eating at the table.

He said nothing as he slipped in and poured a cup of coffee and headed back out.

She was reluctant to go home after shift since she expected to find them there but to her surprise no one was there.

She skipped the pity party in the shower and took a soothing bath instead.

Once she was done, she crawled into bed.

She expected the phone to ring or a knock on the door but there was none.

When she woke, she crawled out of bed and headed for the kitchen for a glass of milk.

She opened the fridge and then glanced around.

It had been fully stocked.

There was milk and juice and fresh vegetables.

She turned and noticed the fruit bowl was full.

Next to the milk was a vegetarian stir fry that was still warm to the touch.

She pulled it out and breathed in.

It smelled wonderful.

She grabbed a fork and ate out of the container.

Once she was finished, she jumped into the shower and got ready for shift.

She seemed better as she sat there waiting for assignments.

Catherine handed them out and she glanced around to see if Grissom was around.

He was nowhere to be seen.

"If you need Grissom, reach him by phone," she said as she headed out of the room.

She grabbed her assignment and noticed she was solo again.

He was back in the office when she returned.

He was sitting at the table going through a file while drinking a cup of coffee.

He handed the file back to Greg and they continued discussing the case while she pulled out the remaining stir fry from the fridge in the break room and sat down at the table.

"None for us?" asked Greg.

"Sorry," she said as she continued to eat.

She waited until Greg left to glance at Grissom.

"You uhm stocked the fridge?" she asked.

"Brass did that. I cooked the stir fry," he said as he got up.

"Thanks," she said.

"You look better," he said.

"I feel better," she said.

He started to leave when she called out to him.

"Griss?"

He turned and looked at her.

"Thanks for the space," she said.

"I'm here when you're ready to talk," he said.

Weeks passed and they kept their distance but continued to leave dinners or drop off groceries.

She stepped into his office one evening right before shift and he smiled.

"I did the shopping" she said. "No need to leave anything."

"Anemia better?" he asked.

"Yes. It is," she said as she turned and walked away.

"Hey Sara?" he called.

She returned to the doorway.

"Does that mean no more dinners? I was going to drop off…"

"Yeah, it does," she said.

He nodded.

She could tell he was disappointed.

She started to leave again but stopped.

"What was it?" she asked.

"Vegetarian lasagna," he said.

"You could bring it by," she said.

He grinned. "I'm flattered. I think."

She grinned as she walked away.

_Small steps…_

Note from author:

leave the review!

Take care,

Penny


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter twenty Seven:**

**Warning: ten chapters remain...**

Everyone worked together on the shift as they worked a drive by shooting. Several persons had been shot. Three had died on the scene. It was a rough neighborhood and several police officers stood on guard while they hurried to collect the evidence.

"I've got dried blood," called Sara as she swabbed a spot on the sidewalk.

"Could be from this shooting or one we don't know about," said Warrick. "This place is a regular Dodge City."

"Great," she said as she continued.

They had almost finished when the sound of squealing tires made them look. Grissom grabbed Sara as they hit the pavement. Gunfire rang out as the officers returned the fire. A bullet bounced off the pavement and Grissom pushed her further underneath him. When it was over, one of the officers had been shot in the shoulder. Bullet casings were strewn over the area and there were additional bullet holes in the walls.

"You okay?" asked Grissom.

"I'm fine," said Sara as she remained seated on the pavement.

Grissom glanced around.

Sara noticed his hands trembled. She reached over and took one in her hand. He smiled slightly as he assessed the situation.

"Griss, we have a problem!" yelled Warrick.

"What's wrong?" asked Grissom.

"Greg's been shot," he said.

They rushed over to Greg.

"This stings!" he whined as he held his arm.

Sara looked at the gash and then grinned.

"Welcome to the club Greggo," she said.

Sara pulled out a bandage from the first aid kit and held it on the arm.

"That hurt! What happened to a mother's gentle touch?" he asked.

"I'm not your mother but if you don't be good, it's going to hurt like a mother," she said.

Nick and Warrick chuckled.

"Cold Sara. That's really cold," said Greg.

She held it tighter and he winced.

"I would be good to her until the medic gets here," warned Nick.

"No kidding!" whined Greg.

Grissom knelt down and touched her knee.

"You're bleeding," he said as he rubbed her knee.

"Just a scratch," she said.

"I pushed you down hard," he said. "You should have the medics take a look at you while they're…"

"Grissom, I'm fine," she said.

She saw him shove his hands down in his pockets.

She pretended she did not notice as a medic took over ministrations of Greg.

"If he gives you any lip, shoot him," she said teasingly.

"I heard that Sara!" yelled Greg.

She felt Grissom's hands on her shoulders as she stood.

He guided her over to the Denali and made her sit down in the front seat.

"Let me see the knees," he said.

She turned and sat with her legs sticking out. He gently pulled up the pant's leg.

"Another pair of slacks ruined," she said. "I should just wear shorts."

He cleaned the cuts and then put band aids on the cuts.

"See, just minor," she said.

"You sure?" he asked.

"I'm sure," she said getting up and going back to work. He stood there and watched as she began taking photos of the new bullet holes. She waved at Greg who returned the wave. Grissom returned to work himself but kept an eye on her for the remainder of the shift. Once it was over, she went straight home. Another bath beckoned her and she stretched out in the tub enjoying the warmth of the water and the aroma of lavender.

She heard the front door open and she sat up quickly.

"Sara?" he called.

She realized it was just Grissom and she leaned back.

He would have to wait.

She was determined to have another five minutes.

"Sara?" he called from the bedroom.

"Taking a bath," she said.

"I uhm brought dinner. I left it on the counter," he said. There was a silence and she called out to him.

"Griss?"

There was no answer.

"Griss?"

She quickly got out of the tub and grabbed her robe.

"Griss?" she called again when she stepped out into the living room.

"I'm sorry. I was just leaving," he said.

"I was going to ask you to stay…for dinner…if you haven't eaten yet," she said.

"I have a confession," he said. "It's not vegetarian lasagna. I burned it. I picked up Chinese instead."

"That's good. I really wasn't in the mood for Lasagna," she said as she padded back into the bedroom. She turned and looked at him. "I'm going to have a few more minutes in the tub."

"How is Greg?" she asked.

He could not hear her so he moved closer to the bathroom.

"He's fine. I think everyone in the lab has seen his wound," said Grissom. "He's been rubbing it in Hodges's face."

"I'm glad he's getting some mileage out it," said Sara as she relaxed again.

"How are the cuts?" he asked.

"A few bruises have come up but it's nothing," she said.

"Bruises?" he quickly asked.

"With cuts there are usually bruises," she said.

"Nothing else?" he asked.

"Yes, there is," she said.

He stepped to the doorway.

"I'm starving," she said.

He seemed to let out a long sigh.

She stepped out of the tub and he quickly retreated to the living room.

She expected to step into the bedroom and find him there but instead he was already in the kitchen setting the table.

She grabbed a glass and poured some juice.

He said nothing but stood and waited for her to sit down.

She took a seat and smiled. "I love their noodles with the veggies."

"I remember," he said.

They finished eating and Sara put the leftovers in the fridge.

"That should hold you for a few hours," he said.

"Thanks," she said as she stood there.

He looked down at her skinned knees.

"You should put band aids on them," he said.

She glanced down.

He was already heading to the bathroom and she followed.

She sat down on the edge of the tub while he put fresh band aids on the cuts.

"Sorry," he whispered.

"Glad you have good reflexes," she said.

She stood and came face to face with him.

He cleared his throat and stepped aside.

She stepped into the bedroom and pulled back the covers.

"I'll go," he said quietly as he stepped forward and accidently stepped on the belt of her robe.

She fell back and he caught her.

He gently stroked her hair and kissed her on the lips.

She told herself she was not ready to do this but her body responded to the kiss and soon she was returning the kiss while her hands pulled at his shirt.

"Sara…I'll stop if you want me to," he managed to get out.

She did not respond but continued to unclothe him.

His hands slid down her thigh and came to rest between her legs.

She moaned and he dipped gently inside.

She was ready for him as she tried to pull him toward her.

He kept his weight from her as he entered her slowly.

He kept himself restrained as he moved slowly.

She wanted no part of the slow pace and began to pick up the rhythm.

He soon had no choice but to follow her until they both climaxed.

The realization of what they had just done, hit her.

She pulled herself up in the bed.

"We uhm seem to end up here," he said softly. "I didn't intend for this to happen. I'm sorry."

She stood and reached for her gown, pulling it over her head.

He saw the bulge in her abdomen.

She was beautiful and he swallowed the lump in his throat.

He dressed and then stood.

"I should be going," he said. "You need your sleep."

"We need to talk," she said.

He started to sit down on the bed when she stopped him.

"I think we should talk in the living room," she said.

She poured two glasses of juice and they sat across from one another on the couch.

"A deal is a deal," she began.

He felt his chest heave.

His glass clattered on the coffee table.

"I never would have made the deal if I had known you were pregnant," he said.

"Then you agree that the only reason you're here is because of the pregnancy," she said.

"That's not true!" he said suddenly. "I thought I was doing the right thing. I wanted you to be happy. I didn't want to come between you and Brass."

"So you let him come between us," she said.

He didn't like the way the conversation was going.

"Old insecurities," he said. "I let old insecurities come between us Sara. Brass just reminded me."

"What you said to Lurie…" she began.

"I knew you would be listening to the interrogation. I thought that if I…"

"You mean the conversation was staged…for me?"

"I thought you would finally understand…"

"I do."

"Sara…"

"Brass used your fears against you and you used mine against me."

"I'm sorry."

"You really hurt me this time," she said.

"I know."

She fought to keep control of her emotions.

"All I ever wanted was your love…nothing more. It's all I asked for…no commitment, no strings attached but then this happened," she said looking down at the bulge.

She looked at him. "I didn't expect anything of you…just wanted you to know."

"I'm sorry I made it so hard for you to tell me. I love you Sara. I really do. I…"

"I don't think I can believe you. If you didn't know about the pregnancy, you…"

"Sara, I always come back to you! I can't stay away from you. God knows how much I love you. No matter how hard I tried to keep my distance I couldn't. Sit there and tell me you don't feel

the same thing when we're together," he said.

He reached out and took her hand.

"One touch and I want you," he said. "I was a fool to give in to the old insecurities. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep…I couldn't even focus on my job. I uhm started seeing Carolyn, an old

friend," he said. "She's a counselor. She prescribed sleeping pills."

"Wait, you have high blood pressure. You took sleeping pills?"

"Yes."

"The shaking hands…"

"Anxiety…not use to not having control of things," he said quietly.

She leaned back in the couch and rested her hands on her abdomen.

"Sara, the twins…"

"It's all I think about," she whispered.

"I uhm talked with your OB," he said.

Her eyes shot up.

"You were in no condition to ask any questions during the appointment. When you told me about your birth, I called and spoke with her. I explained our concerns. You've been scheduled

monthly visits. They're going to monitor the babies very closely."

"They won't be able to do anything," she said.

"There's no reason you can't deliver the twins full term. You may need to go on early maternity leave…maybe even bedrest…but we can have two healthy babies."

"Nothing matters right now… but… them. I'll go on early maternity leave, if I have to lie in bed for the rest of the pregnancy, I'll do it as long as they're…" she stopped and held her breath.

"Sara?"

"They're uhm moving…I feel them," she said.

He smiled.

It hurt him to see the doubt in her eyes.

She gulped back the tears.

"It's sad isn't it? I 'll always wonder if you came back because of the pregnancy and you'll always wonder if the only reason I took you back is for the same reason."

He had not thought of it until the words left her lips.

He gulped back the tears.

He knew his actions had caused this.

"I want you Sara. I want you and the twins and…"

"What if something happens…"

"I want **you** Sara!"

She struggled with her decision.

_I'm not sure I'll ever feel he came back because he loved me..._

_he was so convincing..._

_so cruel..._

_so..._

She felt completely torn.

"You can't do this on your own," he said.

"No, I can't," she said sounding defeated and very much afraid.

"I'm here…so is Brass…and the unit," he said.

She stared at him.

"Don't hurt me again," she said softly as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

"I won't," he said. "Sara, Jim was only trying to…"

"I'm tired. I'm going to bed now," she said swiping at her eyes.

She got to the doorway and turned.

"You coming?" she asked.

He felt his racing heart skip a beat.

She was letting him back in.

He spooned his body up next to hers and pulled her tight.

She swallowed and he felt her shoulders shake.

"So sorry honey…so sorry I did this to us," he said.

He kissed her on the cheek and tasted her tears.

His hand rested on her abdomen and hers came to rest near his.

"I love you Sara."

She said nothing.

He felt the tears as they fell.

"Don't you believe me?" he whispered.

She didn't.

He felt his chest tighten.

"I've always loved you," he said. "I'll show you...I won't ever hurt you again."

"Even if I lose...if something goes wrong," she choked out.

It was as if she had slapped him.

The hurt was deep.

"Love you Sara...so sorry I did this...so sorry," he cried.

His hand gently stroked her hair.

She was asleep within minutes.

His phone woke him.

He slipped out of bed and gently shut the bedroom door.

"Grissom."

"You stayed over. How is she?" asked Brass.

"We talked."

"It must be good. She let you stay and you're still alive."

"She's giving me another chance," he said quietly.

"You don't sound thrilled. You're not having second doubts…"

"I hurt her…I really hurt her this time."

"It wasn't your fault. It's mine. If she wants to blame anyone, she can blame me."

"She does…but I did this. I uhm saw firsthand how much I hurt her these last three months. I held her while she cried. I uhm don't think I'll ever forget the look on her face when I told her I

love her but she didn't believe me."

"I'm sorry Gil."

He returned to bed taking her into his arms and taking in the sweet scent of her. He had almost lost her. He swiped at his eyes as he forced himself to sleep.

Note from author:

I have alot to do today so I am putting everyone on their best honor to leave a review for each chapter. Please do not disappoint me...

Take care,

Penny


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty Eight:**

He woke to an empty bed.

It was the first time in a week.

He had been patient trying to regain her trust.

She seemed sad.

He felt it every time he told her he loved her.

He got up and found her sitting on the couch with a cup in her hand.

"I hope that's not coffee," he said.

"It's tea," she said. "It seems to help with the morning sickness."

"Not feeling well?" he asked suddenly.

"Just a precaution," she said as she lifted the cup.

He glanced down and saw that she had been going through some of her mother's things.

"Searching for something?" he asked quietly.

"Baby book," she said. "I thought she might have kept a pregnancy book as well."

"Did she?"

"A few notes here and there…I thought that perhaps the reason she was having difficulty during the pregnancy was because of my…John Sidle."

He looked at her.

"We were in and out of hospitals a lot…I thought that perhaps…" she said nothing more.

"Did he…hit Laura during the pregnancy?" he asked above a whisper.

She shook her head.

"He stopped drinking…he was working…no mention of any fighting…normal pregnancy until…" she leaned back.

"Until what?"

"After six months…she began having complications after six months," she said.

"Sara, that doesn't mean…"

"No, it doesn't."

"You're still scared, aren't you?" he asked.

"I've never been more scared…even when my father beat me…when he threatened to…I'm scared," she managed to get out.

He sat down and pulled her into his arms.

"He wasn't your father. Jim is your father," he said. "We're right here…both of us if you let us."

"Why did he do this?" she sobbed. "Why did he do this…"

"Sara, he has to carry the guilt around with him for the rest of his life," said Grissom.

"What guilt?"

"He always regretted leaving Laura. Can you imagine how he felt when he realized what kind of hell she went through alone? He latched onto you and did what I would have done. I would have tried to protect you from anyone who might hurt you…me."

"You didn't mean to…until recently," she said.

"We both made a mistake. We ended up hurting the one person we loved…you."

She swallowed hard and he held her tightly.

"Sara, you should talk with him. He needs you," said Grissom.

"I'm still mad…at him," she said.

"You're still mad at me but I'm here," he said.

She glanced at him.

"You uhm curse at me in your sleep," he said.

She bit her lower lip but said nothing.

"It hurt him when he found out about your birth. He now knows he not only lost Laura but he had a son he never knew about. He never got to see him. He never got to hold him. "

He turned so that she was looking at him.

"It's been hard for him…not being here," said Grissom.

"I haven't seen him much," she sniffled.

"That's because he's respected your wish…given you space…he's gotten officers to keep an eye on you when you've been out in the field," he said caressing her abdomen. "I've been reporting back to him."

"I thought as much," she said.

"We love you," he said softly.

"I uhm found some photos of…us," she said. "They were taken at the hospital. Mom is holding us in the nursery. She looks so sad…there's no date. I think it was probably right before he passed away," she said.

She took a deep breath. "I don't know how she got through that…one baby dead…one dying."

"You survived," he said softly.

She nodded. "I often wondered what he would have been like…what would have happened if he had lived."

"He would have been like you," he said.

She shook her head.

"He would have been like Jim…John Sidle would have killed him," she said.

"Sara…"

"Just hold me," she whispered.

He kissed her tenderly on the forehead as he held her.

"I uhm think I need to see him…need to see Jim."

"Want me to call him?"

"Not yet," she said. "Still angry…still pissed."

He grinned. "I know…so sorry honey."

He sat there and held her as she cried.

He grabbed a throw and placed it over her.

She did not budge when his phone rang.

He glanced down and saw that she had fallen asleep.

He gently eased himself up.

"Grissom"

"How is she?" he asked nervously.

"Better. We've been talking this morning…I think we're making progress."

"Good."

"Jim, I think she needs to see you."

"Has she asked?"

"She's still pissed…just show up tonight during shift. She's noticed you haven't been on any scenes lately."

"I was trying to give her space."

"I explained."

"Is she eating? How is the nausea? You know…"

"Jim, she's fine. I'm watching her."

"Good."

"Don't worry."

"How can I not? Ellie hates me…my own daughter doesn't…" his voice cracked. "I should go…I'll see you tonight."

He appeared at their crime scene. He kept his distance as Sara and Greg began working. She glanced up once or twice but said nothing. He did the same. As the hours passed, she wiped

her brow. It was hot in the small house. The stench was almost unbearable. She stood and stretched her legs.

"I could go for a break," said Greg as he glanced at her.

"Is that your idea or his?" she said pointing toward Brass.

"Mine…of course," he said as he looked away.

"Is that why he called you outside a moment ago?" she asked.

"I'm not in this fight. I'm tired. Are you going to be a slave driver or give us a break?"

They walked outside and sat down on the front porch.

She noticed a cooler with bottled water sitting on the steps.

Greg leaned down and took one.

He drank half of it and poured the rest on his head. "It's hot in there."

She grabbed one and drank all of it.

It hit the spot.

She scanned the front lawn for him but he was nowhere in sight.

He showed up in the lab.

It was an interrogation.

As the days passed, he appeared on one or two more scenes. She was getting more comfortable around him. She had actually spoken to him at the last scene.

He had stared at her as if a miracle had occurred.

He quickly answered her question and then she was gone.

He sighed.

_Small steps…_

It happened one evening when the crew was called out to work a scene together. She had been joking with Nick when she noticed him. He seemed agitated by the call. He quickly sought

out Grissom. She watched from a distance.

"Gil, it's Ellie," he said quietly.

"What's wrong?"

"There's been a car accident…they found her wallet…I was listed as emergency contact…not much details…two persons…one deceased on the scene…"

"Ellie?"

"I'm not sure…there was no photo Id in her wallet. The wallet was found in the console of the car," he said as he looked down at the ground.

"Is there anything I can do?" asked Grissom.

He shook his head. He started to walk away but then turned. "Let me know how she's doing. Don't tell her about this," Brass said.

"She would want to know," he said.

"There's no news…yet."

Grissom watched as Brass drove away. He turned and saw Sara looking at him. He returned to work. He knew she was still watching him but he continued.

She said nothing until they were at her apartment.

"Jim seemed upset about a phone call," she said.

"He was," said Grissom putting away the dishes.

"Were you told not to say anything…to me?" she asked.

He looked at her.

"Yes."

"Is he okay?" she asked.

"He is."

She hesitated a moment. "You would tell me the truth…wouldn't …"

"Sara, he told me something in confidence…something he had to do. He asked me not to say anything to you. He's fine. He's going to check in with me. I wouldn't intentionally keep anything

from you," he said.

"It's Ellie, isn't it?" she asked.

He stared at her.

"What did she get into this time?"

He said nothing.

"It must be serious if he didn't want you to tell me."

"He didn't have any news at the time."

She nodded.

"Sara, could we talk?" he asked.

"Isn't that what we're doing?" she asked a bit irritated.

"I know you're on edge about the ultrasound tomorrow."

"I can't think of anything else."

"That's why he didn't want me to say anything. You have enough on your mind right now."

He was right.

She sighed.

"You'll let me know about her…Ellie. I mean I know he loves her…despite their history."

"I know."

She sat down on the couch.

He sat down as well.

"How would you feel about moving in with me?" he asked.

She looked at him.

He pressed further.

"The townhouse has three bedrooms…lots of storage space…"

"Yes."

He stared at her as if he were expecting an argument.

"The apartment is too small…even for us," she said.

He let out a breath.

"Expected a fight?" she asked as her lip curled.

"Yes."

She glanced around the apartment.

"I'll need my clothes…a few things…"

"Bring anything you want," he said.

She leaned back and propped up her feet.

"Tired?"

"Always."

"You're carrying our children…I'm amazed you do what you do."

"You think I'm overdoing it?" she asked suddenly.

"No. I know you'll listen to your body and slow down when you need to."

He leaned over and kissed her.

"I love you," she whispered.

He froze.

He had been waiting for her to say those words to him since that day she had given him another chance.

His lips devoured hers.

His hands roamed up and down her body and she moaned.

"Want me to stop?" he asked quickly.

"Don't stop," she said. "I need to feel this…feel you."

He rolled over and stared at her sleeping form. They had managed to make it to the bedroom. He had made love to her slowly. She woke to find him staring at her.

She smiled.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Hey," he said softly.

His phone rang.

"Glad you're already awake," Grissom said as he got up.

He glanced at the caller ID.

"Is it Jim?" she asked.

He nodded.

"Grissom"

"She's going to okay. The driver was killed," he said. "I'm waiting to talk with her. She's been unconscious."

"Do you know what happened?" asked Grissom.

"The driver skidded to avoid a pedestrian who stepped out in front of them. He hit a utility pole and the car exploded into flames," said Brass. "Some people who saw the accident was able

to get Ellie out of the car but the driver was lodged…he died on the scene."

"Was she injured?" asked Grissom.

"She has a concussion…some bruises and cuts," he said as he sighed out loud. "She was lucky," as he broke down.

"You said she was okay…you okay?" asked Grissom.

"Just tired…tired of getting the call every few months and wondering if she is going to be dead or worse," he said sadly.

"Can we do anything?"

"How is Sara?"

"She's fine. We're going to be moving her things over to the townhouse," he said hoping the news would cheer him up.

"That's good," he said quietly. "She has an appointment tomorrow. Is she scared?"

"Yes but…don't worry."

"I do. Don't want to see her hurt anymore," he said.

"Jim?"

"I have to go, the nurse just waved and said I could go in and sit with her."

"Take care of yourself," he said.

He heard the click of the phone.

Note from author:

Brass has his hands full...

leave a review.

Take care,

Penny


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty Nine:**

"What about Ellie?" asked Sara quickly.

He sat there and told her everything.

"She's really put Jim through a lot," said Sara quietly.

"It wasn't her fault…this time," said Grissom.

They were quiet for a moment.

"He asked about you. He knows about the appointment."

"Maybe we should wait…about moving my things," she said.

"I want you, Sara…not just the twins. No matter what happens I want you home with me. Please."

She nodded slowly.

It wasn't the reaction he wanted.

He wanted her to be happy and excited.

She wasn't.

She was sad and scared.

"Let's get your things together," he said quietly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Brass sat there and held her hand.

She woke and stared at him.

"They called you," Ellie said.

"They found the emergency card," he said.

"I thought I had thrown that away," she said.

"I'm glad you didn't," he said. "How do you feel?"

"My head hurts," she said reaching up and winced when she touched the bruise.

"You've got a concussion," he said as he gently pulled her hand away.

She let him hold her hand for a moment.

It felt warm and gentle.

She had missed him.

"Want me to call your mom?" he asked.

"She told me to never call again…or were those my words to her…I don't remember and don't care. We hate each other. It doesn't matter."

She suddenly sat up.

"The accident…Chris…where is Chris?" she asked suddenly.

"This Chris…was he driving?" he asked.

She looked at him angrily.

"I know what you're thinking. You think this is his fault. It's not! Some stupid lady walked out…didn't even look…he swerved…I don't remember anything else," she said holding her head.

"You hit the wind shield….seat belt wasn't fastened correctly. You were unconscious when they removed you from the car," he said softly.

"It wasn't his fault! If that lady had been watching…He's different than the others. It's been months since you had to be called…I got a job…it's a cashier job but…he works as a mechanic…

we've been living together…"

She stopped as she tried to read his expressions.

"So we're not married…he doesn't do drugs…he doesn't drink…he's not my pimp!"

"I didn't say…"

"You're waiting to hear how I screwed up this time…I didn't."

"I don't think…"

He stopped as she glanced around in fear.

"Chris…where's Chris?" she asked.

"The car hit a utility pole…they couldn't get him out…he died at the scene."

He watched as she covered her mouth.

She shook her head.

"That's not true! I heard him…he was holding my hand. I was lying on the pavement…he was holding my hand…the car…it caught on fire," she said in horror.

"Honey, they couldn't get him out," he said.

"No! It's a lie! You just don't like him…already decided he's some loser…he's not!"

"Ellie…please," he said.

She began to cry uncontrollably.

He held her despite her protests.

"Go away!" she sobbed.

"I can't. You're my little girl."

"No! I'm not!"

"Yes, you are."

"You're not my father! I know! I've always known!" she yelled.

He tried to hold her but she pushed him away.

"You hear me? You're not my father! My mother was a slut! She slept with someone else…she couldn't just screw up her own life, she screwed up mine."

"How do you know?" he asked quietly.

"I heard her on the phone a few times…talking with someone…I didn't believe it but then we studied blood types in biology…we didn't match."

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"So now you know," she said. "You're off the hook. You can go! No more phone calls… no more…"

"I knew before you were born," he said.

She stared at him in disbelief.

"I was never home…I let my job become my life…your mother wanted things…I thought if I advanced…my marriage fell apart and I didn't even know it. I knew the moment she told me she

was pregnant what she had done. I didn't care. She was pregnant…and then you were born. I held you…you were mine," he said as he swiped his eyes.

"You've known all this time…why? Why bother?"

He looked at her confused.

"I hated her for so long…what she did…but then I hated you because you let her get away with it. When you divorced, I expected you to drop me…I being so much like her…I mean you

always told me I was so much like her…like mother like daughter. I expected you to stop loving me just like you stopped loving her. I pushed and pushed and yet you didn't budge. I should

be grateful but it made me mad…I realized I could never be what you want me to be…I'm not your daughter…I'm not part of you. I'm part of her and some…jerk she slept with."

"You're my daughter…no matter what," he said.

"Am I?"

"I'm here! I'm not going anywhere," he said.

She crumbled.

He held her for hours as she sobbed.

He gently stroked her hair as he held her until she passed out from exhaustion.

The moment she fell asleep, he took the time to fall apart. He had hidden the truth from her all these years as a means of protecting her and it had done the opposite. It had driven a wedge

between them.

"So sorry honey," he cried over and over. "So sorry. I'll call your mom and she'll be here soon. It'll be okay. We'll help you get through this. I love you kiddo…always have."

He grabbed his phone when it went off.

He quickly slipped out of the room.

It was Grissom.

His fear turned toward Sara.

She had gotten the ultrasound.

"How is she?" asked Brass.

"The appointment went well…no complications," said Grissom. "You okay?"

"The driver was her boyfriend…sounded like a decent guy…she knows I'm not her father…she's always known…part of our problem…I never told her…I was just trying to protect her…I hope

you're a better parent than I am," he said sadly.

"Can I do anything?" he asked.

"No…just take case of Sara."

"I will."

"Good."

"What's your plans?"

"I'm going to call her mother…I'm going to cuss her out…and then beg her to come …her daughter needs her…she needs both of us."

"Let me know if there's anything we can do," said Grissom.

Brass drank his second cup of coffee.

The conversation had not gone well.

Ellie's mother refused to come.

She had washed her hands of Ellie and him.

She wanted nothing more to do with them.

He sat down in the chair and held her hand.

She woke immediately.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," said Brass.

A physician came in and reviewed the chart.

"How's the head?" he asked.

She said nothing.

"The nurse has been waking her at regular intervals…no problems," Brass said.

"I think she can go home tomorrow," he said.

Brass waited until he left.

"Ellie, you can't stay by yourself," he said. "Please come home…with me."

"You talked with mom, didn't you?" she asked.

"I won't bother you. Just stay until I know the concussion is gone," he said.

"Mom didn't even care…did she?" she asked.

"Ellie, please."

"Why?"

"Because I love you."

She nodded slowly.

He was surprised.

He kept glancing at her from time to time as they drove to her apartment and picked up her things.

"The lease was ending this month…we were looking for a nicer place…it was where we were going when…I have to call my boss…I'll probably be fired," she said.

"Take what you need. I'll have the rest put in storage," he said.

"But…"

"I'll help you find another apartment," he said. "I expect you to stay with me for awhile…humor your old man and let him take care of you for awhile. When you're ready for your own place,

I'll help you."

She said nothing as she packed a small suitcase.

She had few belongings.

He took it from her hand as she slowly walked out.

He returned to work in a few days.

He was sitting in Grissom's office when he arrived for shift one day.

"How's Ellie?" Grissom asked.

"Concussion is gone…she's having trouble sleeping…nightmares about the car wreck."

Grissom sat down and looked at Brass.

He looked tired.

"She's staying with me," he said. "She's going back to work tomorrow. She works as a cashier in one of the casinos."

Grissom nodded.

"Her mom refused to see her. She's given up on her."

"What about you?" asked Grissom.

"How do you give up on your child?" he asked.

"You think she's changed?"

"She seemed like she had her life back on track when this happened. The guy, this Chris…was clean as a whistle…no arrests…good work history," he said. "She's taking his death pretty

hard. I've never seen her like this."

He was quiet a moment.

"How's Sara?" he asked.

"She's living with me now. She's still insecure…about us. She wanted to wait until after the twins were born to move in…she thinks the only reason I'm with her is because she's pregnant. I

can't seem to convince her…it'll take time," he said.

Brass nodded.

Brass started to get up.

"Listen Jim. Sara's apartment lease is not up for several months. Ellie could move in there…if she needs space."

"You think Sara would mind?"

"I'll ask her."

"I don't want her to move out but I know she's used to being on her own. I just want to make sure she's okay."

"I'll talk with Sara."

He nodded and then left.

She watched as Brass disappeared down the hall before she tapped at the door.

"How's Ellie?"

"She's living with Jim."

Sara looked shocked as Grissom discussed the latest developments.

"Her mother said no?"

Grissom nodded.

"Some mother," she muttered.

"Jim is all she's got."

"All this time Ellie knew Jim was not her father?"

"Ellie was waiting for him to find out…she expected him to dump her."

Sara shook her head. "It never ceases to amaze what people do to each other."

He was quiet.

"How is he?" she asked.

"He…you should ask him yourself," he said getting angry.

"I just…"

"Sara, we're going to screw up as parents…we're going to make mistakes…I just hope our children are more forgiving than you!"

She stared at him in disbelief.

She gulped back a wave of tears.

"I'm sorry," he said suddenly. "I didn't mean it…yes I did. I'm worried about Jim. He blames himself for the way Ellie turned out and he blames himself for our problems. I didn't have to listen

to him. I could have ignored him. I didn't. I caused our problems. I pulled away like I did for years. Stop punishing him!"

The sign of the first tear caused him to jump out of his seat.

She sat there trembling.

"Sara…"

She waved him away.

"I'm sorry," he said as he tried to take her into his arms.

She said nothing as she headed out the door.

"Sara…" he said in frustration.

She turned and quickly embraced him before letting him go.

"Sara…please…I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You didn't ….my fault," she said as she ran out.

Note from author:

Leave a review….

Take care,

Penny


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty:**

He watched helplessly as she hurried down the hall.

He cursed.

The office was not the place to discuss personal matters.

He had upset her.

Greg hurried down the hall.

"Something's wrong with Sara. I just passed her," Greg said. "She was crying."

"I upset her," he said.

"Why?" Greg asked angrily.

"Because I can be an insensitive ass," Grissom said as he shut his door.

He knew better than to go after her.

It would only make matters worse.

He sat there a few minutes before collecting the assignments and headed to the conference room.

He immediately saw the stares.

He ignored them as he began to go through the assignments.

He was relieved when she came in and sat down.

He glanced at Catherine who shot him a dirty look.

He had already avoided eye contact with Greg and Nick.

It was obvious Warrick had not been told of the event.

He chose to look at him while he spoke.

Warrick glanced at the others.

"Is there a problem?" asked Warrick.

"A problem?" asked Grissom.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked.

"No…as I was saying…"

"Why are you only looking at me?" asked Warrick.

Grissom sighed.

"Obviously you haven't heard how shitty I was to my future wife or you would be glaring at me also."

"Future wife?" asked Greg.

"Yes…future wife," he said again.

Greg stared at Sara. "Why would you marry him if he treats you shitty?"

He had never asked Sara to marry him.

He was trying to get up the nerve and now he had just blurted it out.

Sara gulped.

She was the one being shitty…to her own father.

"If he asked, I would say yes because I can be just as shitty at times…if not worse…not as forgiving," she managed to get out before grabbing her assignment and running out of the room.

"What just happened?" asked Warrick.

"I think the boss proposed to Sara and she accepted," smiled Nick.

"Sounded like a proposal to me…at least the best we're going to get from Grissom," said Catherine.

"Did she say yes?" asked Grissom.

"Yes!" they yelled.

He stood there in shock.

"Don't you think you should go after her?" asked Catherine.

He did.

He cursed when he saw that she was already gone.

He had given her a solo case.

He turned and came face to face with Brass.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" yelled Brass.

"I uhm…"

"I heard you made her cry!"

"I proposed…I think…she said yes…I think," he said looking confused.

"You did…you think…really? What the hell are you doing here…go after her…wait…you did get a ring?"

He had the deer in the headlight look.

"Get a ring!"

He did.

He disappeared for several hours but then showed up at the scene.

He said nothing to her as he stood there.

"I'm almost done," she said glancing up.

"I thought you would be done by now," he said.

"I'm slowing down," she said.

"Any problems?" he asked quickly.

"Just being careful," she said.

"Good."

She began packing up the evidence and he assisted.

Once she was finished, she started to get into her vehicle when he stopped her.

"Wait…I need to talk with you," he said.

She stood there with arms folded.

"I didn't mean to yell at you…I'm sorry."

"I deserved it," she said quietly.

"No…you didn't. I just want you to give Jim another chance…you did me…over and over. Doesn't your own father deserve a second chance?"

She nodded.

She swiped at her cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I'm doing it again." He said sounding frustrated.

"Not you…hormones," she said.

"Have dinner with me," he asked softly.

She stared at him.

"Please."

They returned to the lab.

Nick was standing by to take over.

She glanced at both of them.

"I thought it would be faster if Nick logged in the evidence…so we could get to dinner."

She looked at him odd as he shuffled his feet as if they needed to be someone and we already late. She said nothing but got into the vehicle.

He sat there at the table across from her.

He had taken her to a quiet restaurant.

She glanced around.

"Not many people," she said.

"I know the owner," he said. "I asked for some privacy."

"You often come to the casinos?" she asked.

"I helped with a security issue," he said.

"Oh."

They finished with dinner.

She smiled.

"That was good," she said.

"I'm glad the morning sickness is better," he said.

Silence floated between them.

"Sara…"

"We should get back," she said as she started to stand.

"Stay…we're both off for the rest of the night," he said.

"We are?"

"Yes, we are."

"If this is about…I'll talk with him," she said. "I think I need to."

"Marry me," he asked quickly.

She stared at him.

"Marry me Sara."

"You don't have to do this…I just didn't want Greg to think you were shitty…you weren't…it was me…it was definitely me."

"You're overtalking," he said softly.

She stared down at her lap.

"I've never loved anyone but you… marry me Sara…please."

She gulped.

"Would you… if I never had gotten…"

"Sara, I wish I could take away the doubts…I put those there. I love you, always have and always will."

He held her hand and kissed the palm.

"Marry me?"

_I love him…_

_I want the children to have his name…_

_They deserve better than me…_

"Yes," she barely said above a whisper.

He read her lips.

It was enough for him.

He quickly pulled out the ring and placed it on her finger.

She stared at it.

He pulled her up as he headed toward the door.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"To get married," he said.

"Wait!" she said as she suddenly stopped.

He turned and looked at her.

"Now?"

"Why not?" he asked.

"But…"

"Would you rather plan a wedding?" he asked.

She didn't.

He pulled out the license.

"You've been busy," she said.

He smiled. "Yes, I have."

"Where?"

"I have a judge who is a friend…he's here…in the next room," he said.

"Next room!"

"We should hurry…the others can't wait much longer," he said.

"Others?"

"The unit and…Jim."

"They knew about this?"

"Yes…about an hour ago…I had Jim call them to be on standby just in case you said yes. If I know Greg he's probably running a betting pool right about now."

She looked down at her clothes.

"Catherine has something for you," he said.

He kissed her urgently on the lips.

"You make me happy," he whispered. "I love you Sara."

She watched as he disappeared.

Catherine appeared with two women.

"We've been waiting!" she said excitedly.

"For what?" asked Sara.

"We have your dress!"

"Dress?"

She was dressed within minutes.

She stood there in front of the mirror as she told herself to breathe deeply.

She turned to thank Catherine and the two women but they were now gone.

He was standing there in a suit.

She stared at him.

"You look beautiful," said Brass.

She stared down at the dress.

It was beautiful.

"Am I dreaming?" she asked.

"If you are, it's a good dream. I just wanted to see you before you become Mrs. Grissom. You weren't a 'Brass' for very long…maybe that's a good thing," he said quietly.

"I uhm…I understand what you were trying to do…I uhm really do…don't do it again," she said.

"I'm sorry kiddo. You deserve a better father figure than me," he said.

"Shut up," she said as she clung to him.

He held her tight.

"I didn't mean to make you cry on your wedding day," he said.

"That's okay. Grissom already did."

"Want me to kick his ass?"

"Not yet," she said with a half smile.

She turned away to wipe her face and then he was gone.

She hurried toward the door and found Grissom.

"Ready?"

"Where's Jim?"

"He's still here."

She nodded.

"You haven't changed your mind?" he asked.

"No."

She glanced out and saw the others standing by with the judge. Brass smiled in her direction.

She stared at Brass.

"He wasn't sure if you wanted him to give you away…he wasn't sure if he could after just finding you."

She choked back tears as she shook her head.

It made Grissom nervous.

He stepped back inside the other room.

"What's wrong?"

"I need Jim…I need my father," she managed to get out between gulps of air.

Note from author:

I've rushed so we could get to this point because it is one of my reader's birthday and thought she would like this part today. Please leave a review!

Take care,

Penny


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter Thirty One:**

He smiled. "I'll be right back."

She sat down in a chair and tried to collect herself.

She felt like a mess.

She looked down at the dress and decided she wasn't such a huge mess.

The dress was very beautiful.

She made a mental note to thank Catherine.

He knelt down beside her.

"Hey kiddo, looks like you're ready," he said.

"I am?"

"Yes you are. I wouldn't let you do this if I didn't think Grissom was the best man for you…my Sara…my daughter," he said as he cried.

She wiped his face with her hands as she kissed him on the cheek.

"We're a mess," she whispered.

"Yes but a beautiful mess," he said.

He stood and held out his hand.

He did not remember walking down the aisle with her even though he caressed her hand with each step.

He did not even remember the words except a few.

He remembered how his voice remained calm when he was asked who gave this bride…he did.

He also remembered how Gil's voice was strong and bold when he said "I do."

He remembered her voice.

She was no longer a 'Brass.'

She looked happy.

It made him happy.

He wasn't sure why he cried.

It seemed foolish.

Catherine took pity on him and kissed him fully on the lips.

He surprised her by holding her while she told him over and over it was going to be alright.

Their friend was finally married and he was now his son in law.

Catherine then handed him a drink.

"Just think…he can call you dad," snickered Catherine.

"Straight for the juggler," Brass said. "I always liked that in you."

Grissom pulled her away from the others.

"Griss, I'm not sure how much more…I'm tired," she admitted.

"Good. We have a room waiting for us," he said with a grin.

"A room?"

"The penthouse," he said.

He carried her over the threshold.

She stood there and stared at the view.

"It's beautiful," she said.

She glanced around and noticed the gown lying on the bed.

She looked at him.

"Catherine?"

"I have to confess. She arranged the reception room, the wedding dress, the gown and the tux."

"She has good taste."

"Happy?" he asked.

"Yes."

He pulled her into his arms.

"You'll have some paperwork to fill out…name change again."

She smiled.

"I have something for you," he said.

He pulled out the vest from the closet and held it up.

"A new vest…with our name," he said.

"Our name," she repeated.

She never imagined her wedding night.

If she did, it would fail in comparison to that night.

He had been the perfect gentleman.

He had stood there looking out over Vegas when he turned and saw her standing there in the gown.

He swallowed hard.

She took his breath away.

The gown was soon discarded.

He loved every inch of her.

She lay there gasping for air as his lips met hers once more.

It was his lips on her neck that sent her over the edge bringing a slight moan from her.

He continued to assault her neck before bringing them to rest on hers.

They did not stay there.

He dipped down and placed kisses along her breasts.

His hand kissed the palm of her hand as he gently lifted her leg.

His fingers caressed her inner thigh.

He slowly entered her, giving her body time to adjust.

She felt every nerve in her body come to life. "Gil…"

"I love you Sara Grissom," he whispered.

"Love you…" she managed to get out just as he thrust deeply.

She reeled from the emotions.

This was no different than any other time they had made love and yet it felt different.

She followed his lead and felt herself near the edge.

"Let go," he whispered.

They came together.

They lay there panting.

He rolled over and kissed her.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she said. "That was…the best."

He grinned. "Yes, it was."

She curled up next to him.

"Sleep," he said.

"It's our wedding night," she said.

"We also have a huge sunken tub…in a few hours," he said kissing her nose.

She yawned.

She drifted in and out of sleep.

Her head finally left the pillow when she smelled breakfast.

He sat down on the bed and rubbed her back.

"Hungry?"

It got her up.

He chuckled as she sat there with a piece of toast in one hand and a strawberry in the other.

"I'm famished," she said.

"All that exercise," he said with a grin.

"Never did it in a tub before," she said.

"First for me also," he said.

She moved slowly off the bed.

"Sore?" he asked.

"I can manage," she said.

"I could give you a massage," he offered.

"Maybe the tub in an hour," she said.

He grinned.

"This has been…thank you," she said.

"We have a few more days," he said. "I managed to get us five days off."

She stared at him.

"We have five days?"

"Yes. What do you want to do?" he asked.

He was not prepared for her to launch herself at him.

He fell back onto the bed.

"I take it you like the room?" he asked.

"I like this," she said as she straddled him.

"We should finish breakfast," he said trying to hide his arousal.

"I'm good," she said glancing down as she felt him beneath her.

Their eyes locked.

He rolled her off of him.

The robe was thrown into the floor.

She lay back and let him make love to her.

He was reluctant to enter her.

She pulled his head down and kissed him.

"You're sore," he said.

"I'm frustrated," she said.

She pushed him back and took matters into her own hands.

"Sara…"

She had already straddled him, taking him fully inside her.

She leaned down and kissed him.

"Follow me," she whispered.

She moved and she felt his arousal grow bigger.

She slowly began the rhythm.

He joined her.

It was nice and easy but soon turned to a steady pace until they were both rushing.

She felt his release and she came.

She collapsed on top of him as he pulled her to lie beside him.

"My turn…next time," he said.

She did not reply.

"Sara?"

He looked down and saw that she had fallen asleep.

He chuckled.

They spent the day in bed even for lunch.

They did not venture to leave the bed except for the warm bath he prepared for her before dinner.

He sat there and watched as she stretched out in the water.

"I could get used to this," she said.

"We have dinner reservations," he said.

She looked at him.

"We do?"

"If you would prefer to stay in…I'll call room service," he said.

"I didn't pack any clothes," she said.

"I did that for you," he said.

"Where are we going?"

"A nice Italian restaurant," he said.

She smiled. "I like Italian."

He smiled back.

They were back at work.

Brass showed up for dinner one evening.

"You look good," he said to her.

"You look tired," she said.

"Ellie…"

"What did she do?" she asked.

"Nothing…she's been good. She's been pulling doubles…I've tried talking with her but I think she may need some space. I think she wants to move out but she hasn't said anything."

"Are you sure…"

"She's having a hard time dealing with…I think she really cared for this Chris."

Sara was quiet.

She couldn't imagine losing Grissom.

"Jim, my apartment is vacant. She could move in there if she wants."

"I've been waiting to see what she wants to do. I'll ask her."

He looked down at the floor for a moment before speaking again. "Sara, I haven't told Ellie about you. She's insecure. I'm afraid it would hurt her."

"I understand," she said. "I really do. This means a lot to me…you trying to work things out with Ellie. She needs someone. I'm glad she has you."

He nodded slightly.

He was worried.

He was worried all of the time.

Ellie needed him.

He wished Sara needed him.

Things were still not the same between them.

He felt he had lost her trust.

Before she had given her love unconditionally to him but now she seemed more reserved as if she did not trust him.

She pretended that nothing was wrong.

He knew better.

He felt it.

His daughter did not trust him anymore and it was his fault.

"Are you okay?" she asked suddenly.

"I'm good," he lied.

He felt like a failure as a father.

When he had learned Sara belonged to him he had felt an overwhelming sense of pure joy but now the joy was gone.

He wished he was not her father.

_She deserves someone better than me…._

_She deserves a better father figure…_

_Look how I've screwed up with Ellie…_

_Now Sara…_

_Soon the twins will be here…_

_I can't screw that up…_

"Jim?" she asked.

"Hmmm?" he asked.

"You sure you're okay?" she asked.

"Tell me about the prank Greg played. I heard Hodges is still fuming," he said as he changed the subject.

She let it go.

Grissom stood at a distance and watched his friend.

He knew something was bothering him.

Dinner came and went.

His conversation seemed strained.

They both felt it but said nothing. As soon as he left, she began cleaning the townhouse.

"The housekeeper is coming tomorrow. Sara, you don't have to do that. Stop. You clean when you're upset," he said.

"It needs cleaning."

"Stop avoiding the issue," he said.

"What issue?" she asked innocently.

"You're worried about Jim. You're worried about Ellie. He's worried about both of you."

"You think Ellie is not going to…she's done this before…lured him in and then stomped on his feelings. I can't believe he trusts her."

"Why not?"

"Because she's hurt him before. She might clean out the house and disappear."

"He loves her…unconditionally. He forgives her. That's what family does. Let it go Sara. Let go of the fear that he's going to hurt you again."

"We're past that," she said.

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"I still see doubt in your eyes sometimes when I tell you I love you. I'm to blame for that. I hurt you."

"Don't" she whispered.

"Sara, I hurt you…intentionally because I thought I was doing the right thing. I was wrong. Jim never meant to hurt you. He was trying to protect you. You can trust him. He's never going to hurt you honey."

"I'm finished with that. It's over," she said.

"Is it?"

"Yes."

"Jim doesn't think so. You can stand there and say it's done but it's not. He feels things are different between the two of you."

"It's not," she said.

"Then tell him how much you love him."

She nodded.

"I just don't want her to hurt him," she finally said. "She better not hurt him. I'll kick her ass."

He grinned.

He knew she would.

Note from author:

Sara is a true Brass…Thanks for the reviews. I read all of them and the comments have made me smile.

Take care,

Penny


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter Thirty Two:**

"I can move out this evening," she said sounding hurt.

"Ellie…"

"Not a problem," she said.

"I only mentioned the apartment because I was afraid you were getting tired of living with an old man. The lease is paid up

for several months. It will give you a chance to get on your feet and…"

"And out of your life. I get it," she said.

"No, you don't."

"Whatever," she said as she grabbed her jacket and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Out."

"Don't leave like this…don't leave mad."

"I'm not," she said stopping at the door. "I expected this," she said as she shut the door behind her.

He sat there feeling miserable.

It had not gone the way he had wanted.

She had seemed withdrawn these days. She did nothing but work and come home to spend hours at a time crying or sitting

quietly in her room.

He had prodded her a few times to talk with him about the death of her friend.

She couldn't.

She had become irate when he suggested a psychiatrist.

Now, she was no longer speaking with him and she felt as if he too were washing his hands of her.

_I don't know how to get through to her…_

_She's hurting…_

_She needs her mother…._

He tried once more but she refused to come.

He cursed.

There was a knock at the door and he was surprised to find Sara standing there.

"Come I come in?" she asked.

"Yes…is there something wrong?" he asked.

"No…I need to talk with you," she said.

"You sure you're okay?" he asked.

"I'm good," she said. "What about you?"

"I'm failing as a parent," Brass said. "I told Ellie about the apartment and now she thinks I'm trying to get rid of her."

"Are you?"

"No!"

"Show her," she said sitting down.

"I've told her over and over," he said.

"Plan a dinner party at the apartment for Ellie and invite us…let her know she's included in your life," she said.

"You think that will help?" he asked.

"It wouldn't hurt. If you were trying to get rid of her you certainly would not be introducing her to your friends," said Sara

lifting up her feet onto the foot rest.

He noticed immediately.

"You look tired," he said.

"I am."

"You should be at home. Did something happen? Did Grissom…."

"Gil has done nothing but been supportive. I've been the problem…not letting go of some things," she said as she leaned

back.

"Need anything?" he asked.

"Could I have a glass of water?" she asked.

He was up immediately.

He sat and watched her empty the glass.

"More?" he asked.

"That's better," she said. "It's been really hot today."

"Have you eaten?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Gil got called in on a case. He wouldn't let me come in early…said I needed to rest."

"Have you been sick?" he asked nervously.

"Just tired," she said. "Interested in dinner?"

He smiled. "Where do you want to go?"

"Could we order in?" she asked as she yawned.

"I'm on it," he said. "There's this nice restaurant that just opened. It has great delivery."

"Good cause I'm hungry," she said.

"I'll order us something," he said.

"Perfect," she said.

"I'll just be a minute," he said.

Dinner arrived and they ate.

Brass felt better than he had in weeks.

She talked about the office and redecorating the townhouse.

He chuckled a few times when she talked about the confrontations with Grissom over some things lying around the house.

"I'm not sleeping in the same room with those roaches," she said. "They hiss at me."

He chuckled.

She yawned.

His phone rang and he took the call in the next room. When he returned she was sound asleep. He gently grabbed a light

throw and placed over her as he gently moved her legs over onto the couch. She thanked him as she mumbled in her sleep.

Hours passed and yet she still slept.

His phone rang and it was Grissom.

"Have you seen…"

"She's asleep on the couch," said Brass.

"Is she okay?" he asked quickly.

"Just tired. We had dinner together," said Brass.

"Good," sighed Grissom.

"Just let her sleep a few hours," said Brass.

"I'll come and drive her home," he said. "She can pick up her car tomorrow."

"Gil, she seems tired a lot. How is she sleeping?" he asked.

"She's getting lots of rest. It's just the pregnancy. I think we should consider early maternity leave," he said.

"You think she will go for it?" asked Brass.

"No…but it would make me rest easier," said Grissom. "She's still afraid something is going to happen to one of the babies. I'm

not sure she could handle the loss," he said quietly.

"I'll talk with her," said Brass.

"That would be good."

He was surprised when the door opened and Ellie stepped inside.

"Hey, I'm glad you came back," he said. "I wanted to ask you about a dinner party."

She looked at him odd.

"Celebrating that I'm moving out?" she asked as she headed toward the kitchen but stopped dead in her tracks when she

saw Sara asleep on the couch.

"The dinner party is for you," he said.

"What is she doing here?" she asked.

"We had dinner together. She fell asleep. Grissom is coming to take her home," he said.

"She's Sara," said Ellie.

"Yes, she is."

"I remember you talking about her a lot. I've seen the photos of you two together," she said. "I thought you had a thing for

young girls."

He frowned. "Afraid not. Sara is married to Grissom."

"So he must have a thing for young women," said Ellie.

"I wouldn't say that in front of him," said Brass.

"Sorry. She looks young," said Ellie as she grabbed a cola from the fridge.

"She's ten years older than you," he said.

"She looks pregnant," she said.

"She is…with twins," said Brass.

"Twins…I wanted to be a twin," she said sitting down in the chair.

"Why?"

"So I would have someone to talk with," she said staring at Sara. "I didn't like being an only child."

"You would have liked having a brother or sister?" he asked.

"Yes but that's not going to happen," she said still staring at Sara.

"She likes you a lot," Ellie said getting up.

"What's makes you think that?" he asked.

"By the way she looks at you in the photos," Ellie said as she finished the drink.

"Back to the dinner…I would like for you to get to know Sara and the others. I thought we could have a dinner party here or

at your new apartment," he said.

"Here. You can clean up the mess," she said.

"Good. I'll set a date. Hey, we could go shopping for things for the apartment. Although it's fully stocked…no need for

furniture," he said.

"It's not mine," she said.

"No, it belongs to Sara but she wants you to live there," he said.

"Why?"

"Because she loves me and wants to get to know you," he said.

She fidgeted.

She was not sure if she wanted to get close to anyone.

"By the way, there was a message on the answering machine for you. A young man called for you. He helped you at the

accident scene. He just wanted to know how you were doing," said Brass.

"Someone held my hand," she said softly.

"It was him…he mentioned it," said Brass watching her reaction.

"If he calls again tell him I'm good," she said as she carried the empty can to the trash.

"He sounds like a nice man," he said. "Why don't you…"

"No!"

It woke Sara.

She jumped up. "I'm sorry. I must have fallen asleep."

"Grissom is on his way to pick you up," said Brass.

"Is it a case?" she asked.

"He thought since you were so tired, he would drive you home," said Brass.

"That's not necessary," she said.

She turned and saw Ellie.

"Hi Ellie," she said. "Sorry I fell asleep on your couch."

"It's not mine…it's my dad's. He tells me you're having twins," she said.

"Yes, I am."

"Do you know if it will be boys or girls?" she asked.

"Actually it will be a boy and a girl," she said.

"Instant family," she said.

"I guess so," said Sara.

"So you really like being pregnant?" she asked.

"It has its moments," she said glancing at Brass.

"I never wanted to get pregnant…be tied down with kids," said Ellie. "things change."

The last two words were quietly said.

Sara caught them but she was sure Brass had not heard since there was a knock on the door.

"You like kids now?" asked Sara.

Ellie did not reply.

Sara smiled when she saw Grissom.

"Ready to come home?" he asked.

"I can drive," she said.

"I would enjoy riding together," he said.

She knew he was worried.

He worried a lot these days.

She did too.

"Just let me go to the bathroom. Be back in a minute," she said.

"Get her to bed," said Brass.

"Did she sleep much?" asked Grissom.

"She just woke," said Brass.

"My fault," said Ellie. "I woke her."

"Hello Ellie. It's good to see you again," said Grissom.

"Hello Mr. Grissom," she said. "Congratulations. I'm sorry I didn't come to the wedding. I was working."

"I'm sorry about the accident," he said.

"Yeah, well that's my life…an accident," she said.

Brass's head jerked about.

"If you'll excuse me, I had better get ready for work," she said.

"You're going to work?" he asked.

"I got called in," she said. "Don't want to disappoint the boss and get fired."

"You've worked six nights this week," said Brass.

"This makes seven," she said.

"I could talk with your boss," he offered.

"I'm a big girl. Don't need daddy fighting my battles," Ellie said.

"He would if you wanted him to," said Sara standing behind her.

Sara winked at Brass.

He smiled.

"Nice to see you both again," Ellie said as she disappeared.

Sara watched her leave the room.

"Hey Ellie!" she called after her.

She turned and looked at Sara.

"Let's do lunch one day," she said.

"I'd like that," said Ellie.

Brass smiled at both of them.

"You haven't said two words since you left Jim's. What's wrong?" asked Grissom.

"Nothing is wrong. I'm just tired," she said.

"Sara, don't you think you should…"

"I'm going to put in for part time," she said.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"I'm fine. I'm listening to my body. I'm tired…too tired," she said.

"I think it's best," he said.

She smiled at him as she leaned back in the seat.

"Just sleep," he said as he took her hand and kissed the palm.

A week passed.

The dinner went very well. Ellie seemed to be trying very hard to get to know the others. She spent a lot of time talking with

Sara. Brass was hopeful. Grissom had cautioned the others and no one mentioned that Sara was Jim's daughter.

Sara was hopeful as well as she scheduled a lunch date with Ellie.

She canceled the first time citing work schedule.

Brass confirmed she was working a lot of overtime.

Ellie had moved into the apartment but she dropped in several times each week and Brass did the same.

She kept the next lunch date with Sara.

She seemed a little nervous at first but then eased when Sara mentioned her past.

"You see your folks a lot?" asked Ellie.

"My mother killed my stepfather," said Sara. "I spent several years in foster care. I never really got to know my mother. She

died recently from cancer."

"Sorry," said Ellie. "My mom hates me. She won't have anything to do with me. I just have my dad…Jim."

"He loves you a lot," said Sara.

"He loves you a lot," said Ellie.

It surprised Sara.

"I mean I see the way he looks at you…not weird or anything. He looks at you the way he does me…like a father figure," explained Ellie.

"I'm glad," said Sara.

"You uhm ever wonder what kind of parent you're going to be?" asked Ellie.

"All the time," said Sara. "I didn't have great role models."

"I know what you mean. My mother sucked," said Ellie. "I'm certainly not going to be like her."

Sara was quiet for a moment.

"How far along are you, Ellie?" asked Sara.

"How did you…"

"A few words here and there…your curiosity about my pregnancy," said Sara.

"I'm just six weeks," she said.

"Does Brass know?" she asked.

She already knew the answer to that.

"I'm going to tell him…I just wanted him to be proud of me…for a little while longer," she said. "He's used to me screwing up.

This is a big one."

"My pregnancy was a mistake," said Sara.

"You're married now," said Ellie. "Chris is dead. He's the father."

Sara gulped. "I'm sorry…so sorry Ellie."

"Me too. I've been working as much as I can…I need the hours…if I get the full time position I get medical coverage. I need it," she said.

"You shouldn't work so many hours," she said.

"No choice at the moment," she said.

"I could help," Sara offered.

"You have. Thanks for the apartment. I know dad is not used to living with anyone. He really won't want me around after he

finds out I screwed up and got pregnant," she said.

"That's not true," Sara said.

"Yes, it is. I don't blame him. I've been nothing but a disappointment," Ellie said. "I didn't mean to get pregnant. Chris never

knew."

Sara reached for her hand but she recoiled.

"If you need to talk…call me," said Sara.

Ellie nodded.

"You scared?" asked Ellie.

"Yes," said Sara.

"Me too," whispered Ellie.

"We can be scared together," said Sara.

Ellie let her take her hand this time.

Note from author:

Please continue to read along and leave a review.

Thanks!

Take care,

Penny


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter Thirty Three:**

Brass was surprised when she did not show one day.

He intended to go to the apartment but got called into work.

He had spent the last several hours working on a horrific case.

He wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep.

He slammed on the brakes when he saw Ellie emerge from the clinic.

He sat there and watched as she got into a taxi.

He cursed.

He wasn't sure why it bothered him.

It was her body.

It was her choice.

It made him angry that she had not told him.

_She gets herself pregnant and then gets an abortion…_

_She could have told me…_

_She screws up and has an abortion…_

_She's nothing like Sara…_

_They're like night and day…_

He banged on the door.

She opened it quickly.

"I meant to call you," she said.

"Been working?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Funny. I went by your job and you weren't there. I just happened to drive by the clinic on West Main and I saw you walking out."

She gulped back the wave of emotion.

"I can explain," she said.

"You had an abortion," he said.

"Dad, I…"

"You weren't even going to tell me…just get rid of it…never tell me," he said harshly.

"It's not like…"

"Your mother wanted to abort you…I talked her out of it. I wanted you. I wanted you even though you weren't mine," he said.

She stood there in tears.

"You should have let her," she said.

"I cherished your life," he said. "I thought you were worth it."

It hit her fully.

"I uhm…"

"I need to go," he said. "Sara has another ultrasound this evening."

"You really care a lot about her. Why?"

"Because…she's my daughter," he said.

Ellie stared at him.

"I met a woman years ago and she got pregnant. I never knew until recently. Sara is my daughter."

Ellie swallowed hard. "She's your biological daughter?"

"Yes, she is," he said.

Ellie nodded. "I'm uhm glad. You deserve to have a daughter you can be proud of."

"Ellie…"

"I have to get ready for work," she said. "Thank you for coming over."

"Ellie…"

She turned and shut the bedroom door.

He didn't know what possessed him to tell her about Sara.

He knew it was a mistake the moment he saw the look on her face.

It was as if he had physically struck her.

He cursed.

He screwed up once again.

He turned and left.

He sat there in Grissom's office.

He had been there for hours.

He was surprised when he saw Sara.

"Jim, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"I wanted to talk with Grissom," he said.

"Is everything okay?" she asked.

"I screwed up," he said quietly.

"What's wrong?"

"I laid into Ellie. I shouldn't have. I hurt her."

"Why?" asked Sara angrily.

"I saw her walking out of a clinic. She got an abortion. She never told me she was pregnant and she gets rid of it. Her mother wanted to do that to her. I wouldn't let her," he said wringing

his hands. "She's not you."

"No, she's not! She's a scared young girl. She made a mistake and got pregnant. I did too. The only difference is Grissom is here to help…Chris is dead. She just found out she was pregnant

but she wanted the baby…I don't know what happened," said Sara.

"She did?" he asked. "Wait, you knew?"

"She told me. She also told me she wanted the baby. I don't know what happened," said Sara. "Her boss has been working her like a mule but she refuses to quit. She needed full time in

order to get medical insurance. She wanted you to be proud of her…she didn't tell you because she felt you would be disappointed. She didn't want to feel like a screw up again. I know how

she feels. I spent years trying to please John Sidle."

Sara sat down.

"You think something might have happened? Maybe a pregnancy complication?" he asked.

"Did you ask…or did you just assume she was heartless and just got rid of it?" asked Sara.

He said nothing.

"I'll talk with her," said Sara.

"Sara…"

"If you expect the worse from someone then that's all you're going to get," said Sara. "Ellie has been really trying."

"I know. I hurt her. I told her about you," said Brass.

Sara whirled around. "Why did you do that? She wasn't ready! She was just beginning to open up to me!"

"I uhm…I'm worried about her," he said.

"You should be!"

She stormed out of the office.

She did not stop until she got to the apartment.

She knocked several times.

She knew she was there because her car was parked out front.

She attempted to call her.

She had spoken with her several times since that first lunch date. They had even met at the diner for dinner. Sara felt as if they were getting close and now this happened.

When she did not pick up, Sara tried her key. The lock had not been changed. She stepped inside and called for her.

Ellie stepped out of the bedroom.

"I'm sorry Ellie. I was worried about you," said Sara. "Jim told me you went to the clinic. Did something happen? I know you wanted the baby."

She fell apart.

Sara was there to hold her.

"I started bleeding," she sobbed. "I tried to get off my feet but my boss got angry. I had to finish the shift. I needed the medical insurance. By the middle of the shift, the cramps came. I had

to leave. I went to the clinic. I knew they wouldn't charge me for a doctor visit. They told me I lost the baby. They did a procedure…God Sara it was awful," she said.

"I'm sorry," said Sara.

"It's for the best. What kind of mother would I be anyway…my mother won't see me and my…Jim thinks I'm a baby killer," she said.

"You're not. He didn't know."

"It doesn't matter. He thought I was capable of that…I never would do that Sara. I wanted it…it was all I had left of Chris and now I lost that too."

"I'm sorry," she said.

"My boss got mad at me because I kept going to the restroom…he threatened to fire me. I'm having a miscarriage and he doesn't even care. It was for nothing. I worked all those hours

trying to get full time and tonight he tells me he's giving the position to someone else. It doesn't matter," she said. "I don't need it. I don't need anything anymore."

"You shouldn't be on your feet," said Sara.

"I'm fine. I have no baby to consider…just me…just the screw up," she cried.

"You're not a screw up," said Sara.

"I have to go into work," she said.

"You can't!"

"I can't afford to lose my job…even if it is part time."

"I'll call in for you. You can give him a medical statement."

"I gave him one weeks ago. I thought he would be understanding and give me the full time position. It didn't matter."

Sara fumed.

She wanted to kill the man.

"You're staying home," said Sara. "It's not worth it Ellie."

"It's the first job I've stayed at for this long. I'm going…I need to work," she said.

"Ellie, your body needs to rest."

"Thanks for coming Sara…He told me you're his real daughter."

"Ellie…"

"He's very proud of you. I'm glad he has you. He deserves you as a daughter…not me."

"That's not true!"

She grabbed her jacket.

"I really wanted it Sara."

She grabbed her hand. "Stay. Don't go into work."

She gently pulled away.

"You take care of them," she said glancing down at Sara's abdomen. "I tried…I really tried…to do what was best."

She quickly left before Sara could reply.

Her phone rang and she cursed.

"Sara?" asked Grissom.

"Not now!" she yelled.

"What's wrong?"

"I want to kick Jim's ass."

Note from author:

Sara can be feisty… Leave a review.

Take care,

Penny


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter Thirty Four:**

"How've you been feeling?" asked the nurse.

"Tired," said Sara as she sat there in the examining room.

"The doctor will be here in a few minutes," she said.

Sara leaned back and closed her eyes.

Grissom grabbed her hand.

"You're still mad at him," he said.

"Yes."

"He's pretty upset with himself right now. He thinks he's a failure at being a father."

"He is."

"Sara, you don't mean that."

"He should have let her explain. She feels guilty for trying to finish the shift. She blames herself for the miscarriage. She was only trying to hold onto her job because she needed it. She was

trying to take care of herself and the baby. She doesn't think she can really rely on anyone. She expects Jim to just drop her any moment and what does he do? He thinks the worst of her.

I'm mad. I'm mad as hell."

"He was upset that Ellie didn't confide in him. He would have helped her. She chose not to ask."

"Well, if you think you're a screw up, it's not easy seeing disappointment in their eyes…or disgust…I know. John Sidle never thought I did anything right. He was just waiting for me to make

a mistake…I uhm…used to cry at night because I couldn't understand why he didn't love me. I just wanted him to be proud and he wasn't…no matter what I did."

She swiped at a tear that threatened and pulled her hand away.

"Sara…"

"I'm done. I'm too tired to give in to this right now."

"You okay?"

"I just want to go home and sleep."

He smiled. "I think they have other plans." He watched as her abdomen moved.

"They've been active a lot."

"Just close your eyes and try to rest," he said.

She did.

Within minutes, she was asleep.

Dr. Randal came into the room and looked at the chart.

"How is she doing?" she asked.

"She's very tired these days," said Grissom softly.

"Any complications?" she asked.

Grissom shook his head.

"The ultrasound shows that one of the babies seems to be in distress…the boy. He's not gained as much weight and his heart beat is…"

She woke immediately. "What about the babies?" asked Sara.

Dr. Randal looked at Grissom.

"Sara, we're concerned about the…"

"It's the boy, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is."

"He's not growing, is he?"

"Not as much as I would like," said Dr. Randal.

"The girl?" asked Sara.

"She appears to be small but she's doing much better."

Sara nodded slowly.

"Sara, I think we should cut back on your work hours," she said.

"I've done that," said Sara. "I'm working part time."

"Good," said Dr. Randal.

"He's not going to make it…is he?' asked Sara.

"I didn't say that," said Dr. Randal.

"He's not improving," said Sara.

"He's small…he's struggling but I don't think we have to limit you at this time."

"Limit me?"

"Early maternity leave…no working…eventual bed rest."

"What if I do that now?" asked Sara.

"Anytime you limit your body then…"

"I'll do it," said Sara.

Dr. Randal glanced at Grissom.

"Sara, it would certainly help but there's no guarantee…"

"Like you said it would help. I'll do it…I'll give him every chance," she said softly.

"Good. Let's see you in three weeks," she said.

Sara said nothing as she slowly got up.

She did not speak until they were at home.

"I know we didn't discuss this but…"

He pulled her into his arms and held her for a moment.

"I love you," he whispered. "You'll do what is best. I'll support any decision you make."

"I'll need to notify personnel," she said. "I'll need to tell the others. I know it's not going to be easy with me gone but…"

"Sara, you come first," he said. "I don't care about the lab. I care about my wife."

"No tears today," she said.

"Happy tears I hope."

She nodded.

"I'm going to sleep for awhile," she said as she headed toward the bedroom.

"I'll wake you for dinner."

He stood and watched as she disappeared.

His eyes roamed the room and came to rest on the empty bedroom.

He had attempted several times to discuss the possibility of a nursery but she had refused to discuss it.

Now, he felt the urge stronger than ever to convert the room to a nursery.

He removed the last of the furniture just as his phone rang.

"Grissom"

"How did it go?" asked Brass.

"She's decided to take early maternity leave. The boy is still struggling," said Grissom as he tried to catch his breath.

"Are you alright?" asked Brass.

"I'm clearing out the guest room," he said.

"I thought she didn't want to do that?" he asked.

"She doesn't. I do."

Brass was quiet for a moment.

"Need any help?"

"I could use a hand with the painting," said Grissom. "I need some supplies."

"Give me the list."

She woke to the sound of voices.

She made her way into the guest room to find Grissom and Brass admiring the new coat of paint.

Grissom turned and smiled at her. "What do you think?"

"I thought we decided…"

"I wanted to do this. I wanted to prepare," he said.

She said nothing but stared at the room.

"It looks nice," she said.

"I uhm ordered the furniture," he said. "It will be a little tight in here with two…"

She disappeared from the doorway.

Grissom and Brass looked at one another.

"Let's get a drink," said Brass.

They found her in the kitchen.

She sat there at the table with a glass of juice.

"Mind if we join you?" asked Brass.

She said nothing as the two sat down.

"Sara, I ordered two cribs. We're going to need two."

"I thought we agreed that we would wait."

"Shouldn't you get ready…"

She interrupted Brass.

"I don't want to come home and see two cribs if…" she stopped. "It would be easier…"

"For you or Grissom?" asked Brass.

She glared at Brass.

"This is between my husband and me…not you."

"Sara…"

"What are you doing here? You should be with Ellie. You know the daughter that had a miscarriage…the one that you assumed had gotten rid of it but instead she lost it…the one you never

even bothered to let explain…!"

"Sara!"

She stopped at Grissom's warning.

Brass flinched.

"I'm sorry. You're right. I was just trying to imagine how I would have felt if I had known about you and Andrew."

She stared at him. "I never told you what his name was."

"I uhm searched the records. I found him…everything I could find. I uhm even had his marker changed to reflect Brass rather than Sidle. I wasn't going to pretend he didn't exist. He did even

if it was for only a short time. My son lived and died. I needed to honor him…to let him know that he was loved."

She gulped.

"Sara…" began Grissom.

"You were right…two…not one," she said as she got up.

"I didn't mean to upset her," said Brass quietly. "I should go."

"She's just upset. She's worried."

"I understand," said Brass as he left.

He found her sitting outside on the deck.

"Is he gone?" she asked.

"Yes."

"I uhm shouldn't have…"

"No you shouldn't!" yelled Grissom

She turned to see that he was angry.

"Jim has been trying," he said.

"Yeah well…"

"He went to her job on his time off and watched over her. She refused to take any time off after the miscarriage and he was worried about her. He had a long discussion with her boss. I

think things will greatly improve if the man has any sense…there were a few threats. Suddenly, Ellie is employed full time. He's been going by the apartment every day despite her insistence

to leave her alone. He even dragged her to see a doctor when she ran a fever but refused to do anything about it. He's been there Sara. He's running between her apartment and this

townhouse and the lab."

He was angry.

She knew it.

She felt it as he stood there and glared at her.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" he asked.

"For not…I just treated Jim the same way he treated Ellie."

"Yes you did."

She was quiet for a moment.

"You could have told me about…Gil, your feelings matter."

"I didn't want to upset you but then I needed to do that. Brass understood. He helped. I think it helped him. He's had a hard time resolving his feelings over Andrew. He's mourning for a

child he never knew about."

"I was shitty to him," she said.

"Yes, you were."

"I'll talk with him."

"Good."

"Gil?"

"Hmmm?"

"I think we should pick out names…for both of them."

He smiled.

She was asleep as soon as dinner was over.

She curled up on the couch and listened as he read from his book.

It was becoming a ritual.

She loved to hear his voice.

It was soothing.

As soon as she was asleep, he returned to the nursery.

The wallpaper was hung.

He stared at the walls and tried to imagine it filled with furniture and children.

He stared at her sleeping form on the couch and took the moment to let himself imagine the possibility that they might lose one or both of the children.

He could not imagine the depth of the loss.

His hand trembled as his fingers caressed the patterns in the wallpaper.

He never imagined he would be married much less have children.

He had been content to live alone until Sara entered his life.

He wanted Sara.

He wanted her the moment he saw her and now she was his wife.

She was his life.

He wanted nothing else.

He swallowed hard.

He wanted nothing more until he saw the ultrasound and now he wanted the children more than anything.

Note from author:

Leave a review.

Take care,

Penny


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter Thirty Five:**

She argued over the cribs.

He won in the end.

She sat in the rocker and stared at the room.

"It's nice," she said.

"Yes, it is," said Grissom. "How was lunch with Ellie?"

"She's getting better. Mark has been coming by her job during dinner breaks."

"Is that the guy who helped her out of the car?"

"Yes."

"How did he…" he looked at her.

She smiled.

"Playing matchmaker?"

"He kept calling. I had Nick check him out. He's seems like a nice guy. I thought she needed to have some friends of her own…not just us."

He said nothing as he knelt and ran his hand across her abdomen.

"Brass said you invited him over this evening," he said.

"I did. I wanted to spend some time with him."

"He seems better. Your talk helped."

"I was wrong. I was too hard on him. Ellie and I both talked with him. He uhm really is a good father."

"I hope you told him that," said Grissom.

"Yes, I did."

"I better get ready for work," he said standing.

"How is the lab? You haven't said much," she said.

"The lab is fine. Invite Greg over soon. He misses you."

She smiled, "Really?"

"Really."

She reached for his hand. "Do you miss me…there?"

"Yes but I'm glad you're here. I have less to worry about."

He kissed her on the forehead as he headed for the door.

"Griss?"

He turned and looked at her.

"They've made it to thirty two weeks."

She turned and looked at him.

"I think everything is going to be fine."

It was the first time she had been hopeful.

He smiled. "Get ready to juggle double feedings, diapers…are we ready for this?"

She smiled.

It was her mother's smile.

It spread across her face. "Yes."

"See you in a couple of hours. You didn't tell me what you and Brass are going to do?"

"Father daughter time."

"He'll like that."

"Ellie and I decided we would plan one day out of the week to spend time with him…just him. It's my night."

"Have fun."

She laughed until her side hurt.

He sat there and held her hand as she went through the photo album.

"I told you I got into a lot of things when I was a child," said Brass.

"Has Ellie seen this?" asked Sara.

"She used to go through it all the time," said Brass.

"Wait. I have something for you," said Sara as she struggled to get up.

She picked up a bag that was lying on the dresser in the bedroom.

"I had this made for you," she said.

She handed him the bag.

Brass pulled out a photo of Laura with the twins.

"It's the only photo I could find…of us both," she said.

He stared at it.

She gave him a moment to take in the photo.

"I tried to enlarge it as best as I could…so you could see him…Jim?"

He sniffled as he stared at the photo.

"Thank you," he said softly. "I had hoped someone would have…thank you."

"She loved you," said Sara sitting back down beside him.

"I wish…I wish I had been there…to hold him. Babies need to be held. I used to come home early in the morning and just pick up Ellie. Marge used to get so mad at me but I didn't care. I

just wanted to hold her. I would sit for hours and just rock her. Marge didn't do that much…rock her. I uhm guess I spoiled her enough for both of us."

"You're going to make a great grandfather. You can come and rock them any time you want."

He smiled. "I guess if I rock them then that means I have to change them as well."

"Yep."

He chuckled.

"Ellie is supposed to go to a movie with Mark this evening."

"I heard."

"So she finally mentioned him to you?"

"Actually I caught him lurking around her apartment door. He admitted that he had made her cry."

"He did? What did he do?" asked Sara quickly.

"She uhm told him about her past…the drugs…prostitution…he said the past didn't matter…she then told him about Chris and the miscarriage. He said she wasn't going to scare him off."

"He did?"

"She cried then. I think he's good for her," said Brass.

Sara smiled. "Good."

"I should go," he said.

"Jim?"

He turned and looked at her.

"I love you," she said. "I'm glad you're my father."

"Love you too kiddo. Take care of yourself," he said as he leaned down and kissed her. "Keep the photo album but do me a favor and don't show it to the guys."

She grinned. "I won't."

"Not even Grissom," he said.

"I promise."

She put the dishes away and leaned against the counter.

It was an odd sensation.

Her hands caressed the bulge around her waist.

There was no pain.

She turned and headed toward the living room when she looked down and saw the slight discoloration on the slacks.

She thought it was odd.

She didn't remember dropping anything but then again her abdomen had become a target for all sorts of things.

The slight trickle down her leg made her immobile.

She told herself not to panic.

She glanced down as her pants turned a crimson red.

"Oh God!" she said.

She grabbed for the counter just as the first contraction hit.

She was down on her knees within minutes.

She frantically searched for her phone.

It was in the bedroom.

She tried to stand but the pain brought her back to her knees.

The knock on the door was a welcome sound.

She yelled.

She heard someone on the other side attempt to open the door.

Silence returned.

Sara yelled again through the pain.

She heard the sound of breaking glass.

Within minutes, Ellie came rushing into the room.

"Sara?"

"I've gone into labor…call an ambulance," she said.

Ellie moved into action.

She placed the call and then made Sara lie down flat as she brought her knees up.

"You can't push Sara. No matter how hard you want to push…don't."

"How come you know so much?"

"I've been reading about twin deliveries…in case this happened."

She grabbed Ellie's hand. "Don't let go."

"I won't!"

"It hurts like a bitch!"

"Just focus on the contraction. Breathe through it."

Sara tried.

"It still hurts like a bitch."

"I thought so but I didn't want to tell you that."

It made Sara laugh before she screamed.

Ellie began to panic. "Don't think about the pain…think about something else."

"Did you see that pic of Jim after he colored himself with markers?"

Ellie smirked. "He looked like a smurf…all purple."

"I can't believe his mom dressed him in tights and dresses for six months because she thought he was going to be a girl."

"He did look like a girl…for the first six months."

Sara grabbed her hand tighter.

She felt light headed.

"Sara?"

Ellie screamed when she lost consciousness.

She held her tight despite the blood that covered the floor.

"Hang in there Sara. They're coming. Hang in there!"

She paced back and forth in the waiting room.

She glanced down and saw that Sara's blood was on her clothes.

She stared at it.

"Ellie?"

She looked up and saw Grissom.

"I uhm broke your window….I'm sorry. I couldn't get her to answer the door. I heard her screaming. I didn't know what else to do. I found her in the kitchen. I tried to keep her calm…she

lost so much blood…it's on me," she said.

He quickly grabbed her hand. "Jim is on his way," he said as he hurried toward the nurse's desk.

"My wife, Sara Grissom was brought in," he said.

"We can take you back," she said. "The doctor has been waiting for you."

He felt a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach.

He grabbed her hand as soon as he saw her.

She was not conscious.

"Mr. Grissom, your wife has lost a lot of blood."

"Placenta previa?"

"Yes."

"The twins?"

"We're going to have to do an emergency c section to deliver the twins. Dr. Randal has been alerted as well as the babies' obstetrician."

"The twins…Matthew and Katie."

"We're concerned about Matthew," said the physician.

"Is he going to make it?"

"They're lungs are not developed. He's going to be critical…I'm not sure."

Grissom glanced down at Sara.

He was glad she was unconscious.

"Can I be in the delivery room?" he asked.

"Yes."

Brass sat next to Ellie as Nick and Greg stood near the window.

"You did good kiddo," he said softly as he took her hand.

"I just want her to wake up," she said. "She wouldn't wake up."

"She's in good hands now…thanks to you," he said.

"I broke their window," she said. "I should get someone over there to fix it."

"I'll take care of it," he said.

She floated in and out.

She heard a voice and it was comforting.

She tried to open her eyes but couldn't.

The voice gently spoke to her again and again.

She felt her hand being lifted and then lips kissing the palm.

_Grissom…_

_It's Grissom…_

She felt his hand gently squeeze hers and she wanted nothing more than to respond.

She couldn't.

There was no strength.

Her eyes fluttered once or twice but she could not break free of the fog.

She drifted in and out for some time.

His voice continued to call to her.

She thought she had managed to return the squeeze but he said nothing.

She felt him lift her hand.

She felt her palm now against his cheek.

It was warm and wet.

It was strange.

_His cheeks are wet…_

_He's crying…_

_Something is wrong…_

_Something is so wrong…_

Note from author:

Almost finished…leave a review.

Take care,

Penny


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter Thirty Six:**

She tried to force her brain to remember.

She remembered the visit with Brass.

She remembered doing the dishes.

She remembered nothing else.

It was difficult.

She knew something had happened.

She couldn't wake up.

Her brain screamed for her body to react.

It didn't.

She could hear his voice once more.

It was urgent now.

He was calling for her.

She mustered all of the strength she could find to squeeze his hand.

"Sara?"

She squeezed his hand once more.

"Sara, you need to wake up," he said.

She tried.

She really tried.

She couldn't.

She felt her hand once more against his cheek.

It was wet again.

She panicked.

She moaned from the pain as she managed to open her eyes.

She saw nothing but the ceiling.

_It's a hospital…_

_The smell…_

_The sound…_

_I hate hospitals…_

_God, I'm in a hospital…_

_Something is wrong with the babies…_

"Sara?"

She slowly turned her head toward his voice.

Her eyes sought blue ones.

He smiled.

"I've been waiting for you to wake," he said.

"The twins"

"I'll take you to see them when you're ready," he said.

"Matthew?"

"They're both on life support…it's just until they're lungs are developed. Matt is hanging in there. Katie is giving them fits. She wants attention," he said. "She cries unless someone is

touching her."

"Can I see them?" she asked quickly.

"When you're…Sara you can't get up," he said.

"I need to see them," she said as she struggled with the IVs.

"In a few hours," he said.

"No! I want to see them. I need to see them," she said.

He picked up a photo and handed it to her.

"Greg has the nurses taking photos every hour. There's a stack of these," he said.

She stared at the photos.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Woozy."

"You scared me. Your blood pressure bottomed out during delivery. One minute everything was okay and then…don't ever do that again," he said.

She reached for his shaking hand.

"Sorry," she whispered.

"Try to sleep," he said.

"How long…how long have I been out of recovery?" she asked.

"Two days," he said.

"Two days!" She struggled to get up.

"No!"

It didn't matter.

She was too weak.

She felt the last bit of energy leave her body.

She cursed as she felt the fog pulling her back under.

"Need to see them," said Sara.

"You will. I promise. Just give your body time to heal," he said.

She nodded.

He sat back and watched as she drifted back off to sleep.

There was a tap on the door.

"How is she?" asked Brass.

"She was awake for a few minutes," he said.

"She knows about the twins?"

"I told her…I didn't tell her how serious Matthew's condition is," he said. "She would have insisted on seeing them. She's not ready."

Grissom turned and looked at him.

"How are they?" he asked.

"Katie has everyone wrapped around her finger…Matthew is still quiet," he said.

Brass sat down in the other chair.

"I think you need to see them," said Brass. "Go. I'll stay with her."

Grissom glanced at his friend as he kissed Sara gently on the lips.

"If she wakes, have them come and get me," said Grissom.

He stood there with his hand inside the incubator.

Katie kicked and thrashed about.

She stilled as soon as his gloved hand took hold of her hand. He smiled.

_You're so much like her…_

_She loves for me to hold her hand…_

_I did that for years…_

He felt someone behind her and turned to find Catherine.

"They're beautiful," she whispered.

"I thought I would come down and see them while Sara is asleep," he said.

He glanced over at Matthew.

"Any change?" he asked the nurse.

She shook her head.

"Cat…could you hold Katie's hand?" he asked.

"I'd love to," she said.

He withdrew and grinned when the tiny infant began to wail.

"Already spoiled," said Catherine.

Grissom walked over to the other side and gently placed his hand against Matthew's cheek.

He turned slightly.

He did not kick or thrash about.

He wanted to hold him.

"When can we hold them?" asked Grissom.

"Maybe tomorrow," advised the nurse.

_He needs to be held now…_

"How's his breathing?" asked Grissom.

"It's better."

She woke with a start.

It had been a hellish dream.

She gasped for air as she cringed from the pain.

Brass grabbed her hand.

"I'm here," he said.

"How's Matthew?" she asked quickly.

"Grissom is with him," he said.

"I need to see him," she said.

"I'll tell him," said Brass.

"No…I need to go now," she said.

"Sara…"

"I have to see them both. I have to hold Matthew. I dreamed he died and I never got to hold him. I have to hold him… Please!…do you understand?"

He did.

He glanced around.

"I'll try to find a wheelchair."

He slipped out of the room.

As soon as he left, she pulled the covers back and tried to stand.

She broke out in sweat as she stood there on shaky legs.

She cried out when she fell to the floor.

The nurse came rushing in as soon as the alarm on the IV stand sounded.

Brass cursed as he rushed in.

"I'm sorry. I know I should have waited," she said.

Brass scooped her into his arms and deposited her back into the bed.

"Don't tell him…don't…" she glanced up to find him standing in the doorway.

"What happened?" Grissom yelled.

"My fault. I tried to get up," she said as she winced from the pain in her abdomen.

The nurse quickly examined her.

"Some of the staples have come out. We'll need to call the physician."

Grissom quickly came to her side and examined the incision.

He glared at her.

"I uhm…"

"You could have hurt yourself! What did you think you were…"

She sat there and cried.

He stopped immediately.

"I'm sorry Sara. I didn't mean…"

They were interrupted by the physician as he entered the room.

Grssom felt a hand on his arm as Brass pulled him outside.

"I thought you were going to watch her?" Grissom yelled.

"She woke from a nightmare…she dreamed Matthew died. She begged me to let her see them. I stepped out to find a wheelchair," he said.

Grissom ran his hand through his hair.

He was tired.

"She needs to see them," said Brass.

"She's physically not ready," he said.

"Listen to me Gil. For her emotional and physical well being, she needs to see them…especially Matthew."

He turned quickly when the physician stepped out.

"She should not be on her feet just yet. She's physically too weak," he warned.

"She needs to see the twins," said Grissom.

"We'll have a wheelchair brought up," said the physician.

"How soon?" asked Grissom.

"I'll put it in the chart…"

Grissom walked past the physician and back into the room.

She quickly swiped at her eyes.

"Gil, I'm sorry."

He sat down on the bed.

"Would you like to see them?" he asked.

She nodded.

He pushed the IV out of the way as he gently picked her up.

"I'll need your help on this," said Grissom to Brass.

"You lead and I'll follow," he said as he took hold of the IV pole.

He carried her down the hall and deposited her in a rocker.

He tried to ignore the sweat that beaded her forehead as she trembled.

She sat there and looked into the incubator.

"This is Katie," he said softly.

"She's crying," said Sara.

"That's because she insists on having someone touch her," he said. "Watch."

He slipped his hand through the glove and took the infant's hand.

She stopped immediately.

Sara grinned.

"Could I?" she asked.

He helped her stand.

She felt his hands on her waist as she placed her hand into the incubator.

She smiled when the baby reacted.

"She's going to be a hand full," said Brass.

"Where's Matthew?" she asked suddenly.

He carried her to the other side.

Matthew lay there quietly.

They exchanged glances.

"He's not moving," she said.

"He's conserving his strength," said Grissom.

She slipped her hand into the glove and caressed his cheek.

He turned toward her.

"He's so tiny," she said. "Has there been any improvement in his condition?" she asked.

Grissom did not reply.

She grabbed the nurse's arm as she passed.

"Matthew…has there been any improvement since his arrival?" she asked.

"I'm sorry but there's not been any…he's holding his own," she said quietly.

She swallowed hard.

"When can I hold him?" she asked. "I need to hold him."

"Wait right here," said the nurse as she walked over to the head nurse and spoke in hushed tones.

"Mrs. Grissom, would you like to hold your son?" asked Mrs. Fleming.

"Yes, I would."

Grissom stared at the other nurse.

"He's not improving…maybe this will help," she said quietly to Grissom. "We'll need you to put on garments as well as sterilize your hands."

They placed Sara in a special room with a rocker.

She sat there and watched as they removed his tiny body from the incubator.

She took a deep breath as they placed him in her arms.

She wasn't sure how to hold him.

She struggled with the wires that supported his tiny frame.

Once she held him, she stared into his small face.

She held him close as she felt the tears drop one by one.

She breathed in deeply.

His scent was intoxicating.

Grissom knelt by her side.

"He's beautiful," she said.

"Yes, he is," he said.

She wrapped him up tighter and placed his small head next to her cheek.

It was good to feel him.

She touched his cheek and caressed his small frame.

She did nothing but touch every inch of him.

She gently rocked him as she stopped from time to time to place feathery kisses on his forehead.

She handed him to Grissom as she took Katie and rocked her.

She was quite different from her brother.

_You have all the strength…_

_You're going to be just fine Katie…_

She kissed her softly as she handed her to Grissom.

She took Matthew again and held him close.

An hour passed and then another.

She was exhausted and yet she did not care.

She was holding Matthew.

_Skin to skin…_

_So soft…_

_So small…_

_Please Matthew don't give up…_


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter Thirty Seven:**

"I'll hold him while you take Katie for awhile," said Grissom.

"Don't let them put him back in there…he needs us…he needs to be touched and loved," she said.

"I won't," he said softly.

She held Katie as she rocked her. She kicked her small legs escaping from the blanket. Sara stopped and wrapped her once more. She stared intently at Sara as she softly hummed to her.

The others stood outside the glass partition and watched the family bond.

"Katie reminds me of Sara," said Nick. "She's feisty but a sweetheart."

"I think Matthew is like Sara," said Greg quietly. "He has a strong inner will to survive."

It was true.

They stood there and watched as Grissom held his son tightly. He spoke to him softly as he kissed him over and over. Catherine swiped at her eyes.

"He sure knows how to step up to the plate," said Catherine. "I never dreamed our bugman would be married with children."

"Have they said anything about Matthew's condition?" asked Warrick.

"No improvement. I think that's why they decided to let Sara hold him. In case…you know," said Nick softly.

Sara handed Katie back to the nurse as she took Matthew again. They watched as she readjusted the blankets and then snuggled him up close to her face. She hummed softly to him as

she rocked back and forth. Grissom sat there and watched.

"It's going to be hard if they lose him," said Nick.

"It's good that she got to hold him," said Catherine.

Sara began to cry softly.

"Honey, are you alright?" he asked.

"I need Jim," she said. "Gil, please."

He nodded as he quickly got up and stepped out of the room.

Brass sat down in the chair next to Sara.

"I'm here kiddo," he said softly.

"I need you to hold him," she said.

"Sara…I'm not sure I can hold something so tiny…"

"Dad, please."

He froze.

She had never referred to him in such an intimate way.

He held out his arms.

Sara gently placed the baby in his arms.

"He's beautiful. Isn't he?" she cried.

"Yes he is," he said as he tried to hold back the tears.

"Andrew died….but I lived," she said.

"You were the strong one," he said.

She nodded as she swiped at her tears.

"Sara, Matthew takes after you," said Brass. "He's strong. He's going to make it."

"I don't know how I'm going to give him up…I can't lose him dad…I just can't. I look at him and I see Grissom…I see you."

He grinned. "He gets his good looks from me…he gets his smarts from Gil."

She laughed despite the tears.

"Know any lullabies?" she asked.

"I used to sing this old tune to Ellie," he said.

"What was it?"

Brass leaned back and began to sing softly. Sara's hand rested on his shoulder as they both held Matthew.

"Did you ever see a dream walking?

Well, I did!

Did you ever hear a dream talking?

Well, I did!

Did you ever have a dream thrill you

with Will you be mine?

Oh it's so grand

and it's too, too divine.

Did you ever see a dream dancing?

Well, I did!

Did you ever see a dream romancing?

Well, I did!

Did you ever find heaven right in your arms,

saying I love you, I do?

Well, the dream that was walkin'

and the dream that was talkin'

and the heaven in my arms was you.

(Did you ever see a dream walking by Mack Gordon and Harry Revel…very old song…go look it up)

The nursery was silent as he sang it over and over. Grissom held Katie as he listened in the other room. He glanced down at her and kissed her softly as he smiled at Sara. She returned the

smile as her head rested on Jim's shoulder.

"I love you dad," she whispered.

"I love you kiddo," he said as he hummed the song.

It had been a long day.

She felt her eyes droop but she tried to stay awake.

She felt herself being lifted once more.

She tried to object but she was too tired.

Her head rested on his shoulder.

She breathed in deeply.

She knew it was Grissom.

_A kind and gentle man…_

_I found him mom…_

_I found him and I found my father…_

_I let go of the pain momma…_

_I let go…_

She slept deeply that night.

She stirred only once despite the constant in and out of the nurses as they checked the IVs and took her blood pressure.

She slept through it all.

There was no need to worry.

She knew he was there by her side.

She woke the next morning to blue eyes staring intently at her.

"Good morning," she said.

"Your son wants you," he said.

"Matthew?" she asked quickly.

"He's been fussing this morning. It seems he misses his lullaby."

She smiled wide.

"He's better?"

"Yes, he is. I just think he was waiting for you," he said with a grin.

She scrambled out of the bed but he was there to stop her.

"I'll carry you," he said.

"I don't have the IV any longer," she said.

"No, but I still insist on carrying you," he said.

He lifted her and soon she was back in the rocking chair.

She grinned when Matthew was placed in her arms.

He wriggled about.

She softly cleared her throat and began to sing the song.

He stilled as he listened intently to his mother's voice.

Grissom appeared with Katie.

He sat down beside her.

He smiled as she sang the song to both of them.

"I guess you missed your real calling," he whispered.

"Jim said he sang that for Ellie," she said.

"It's a good thing I know it," he said.

"You do?"

"Yes I do. I used to hear it in my head every time I watched you from across the room. You were always my dream," he said.

She leaned over and kissed him.

"You can be romantic when you want to be," she said.

"I'm not sure romance will find its way into our home with these two around," he said.

"We have lots of help," she said as she motioned toward the eyes outside the glass partition.

He waved at them.

Sara smiled when she saw Ellie standing beside Brass.

A young man stood on the other side.

"My mom told me I should find a kind and gentle man," she said.

He smiled at her.

"I'm glad I listened to my mother," she said.

The End.

**Epilogue:**

"You think we should let them sleep together?" he asked as he looked down into the crib.

"She doesn't cry if he's next to her," said Sara as she yawned.

"Yes but…"

She left him to stand there and fret.

"Sara…"

She ignored his protests as she crawled into bed.

He marched into the room and glared at her.

"I don't think we should leave them like that," he said.

She looked at her husband.

He had become efficient at morning feedings, rushing in to warm the bottles just before the twins began to wail.

He had it down to a science.

That is until Katie decided that she much preferred the night life over day and now the house was in turmoil.

"She could roll over and Matthew could roll…you know he's always doing things before Katie."

"Gil, they're eight weeks old. They're not going to roll over yet," she said yawning. "I on the other hand need sleep. Katie stays up all night and sleeps during the day. Matthew stays up all

day and sleeps at night. Someone has to change. Katie has to switch."

"Does that mean you're not coming back to grave yard?" he asked.

They had not discussed it.

She stared at him.

"I guess I'm not. They need to have a normal routine. They need to sleep at night and be awake during the day…no I guess I won't."

She expected him to be upset.

He wasn't.

"Thank God," he said.

It wasn't how she imagined he would react.

She looked confused.

"I don't like nannies or daycares," he said.

"I didn't say I wasn't going to return to work," she said.

She saw his anxiety return.

"You would change shifts?" he asked.

"I could work first shift," she said.

"Yes but what about the children?" he asked.

"I would hire a nanny…why do you not like nannies?" she asked.

"If they love children so much why aren't they with their own? The nanny usually has an affair with the husband or is involved in some sordid…"

She gawked at him.

"Cite your source," she said.

He opened his mouth but then closed it.

"Matthew needs you. He doesn't respond to anyone but you."

"That's because I'm nursing him. He's particular about his food source," she said.

He frowned.

"He's always responded more to you," he said sitting down beside her. "Katie won't…"

"Gil, I'm not going to abandon them. I'm going to return to work…in four weeks," she said softly.

"Four weeks!"

"Most women only take off twelve weeks. I've been off for months," she said.

"That was different," he said.

"When do you think I should return to work?" she asked.

"It would be beneficial to them if you delayed your return until… they were in grade school."

"Grade school!" she yelled.

"Don't yell. It's not good for them," he said.

"Listen here Gilbert. I am not about…"

She stopped when she heard a noise coming from the baby monitor. She practically crawled over Grissom and ran into the nursery.

He was there by her side.

They both stared down into the crib.

Matthew stared up at them.

Sara smiled at him.

He smiled back.

She picked him up and held him tight.

"Did you see that? He smiled!" she said excitedly.

"Yes I did," he said.

"I'm calling dad," she said.

"Sara, he's at work," said Grissom.

"I don't care," she said.

She fumbled for her cell.

"He's not at work," said Grissom softly.

She looked at him.

"Where is he?" she asked.

"He took the night off. He's on a…date," said Grissom.

Sara grinned. "A date? My father is on a date?"

Grissom stood there nervously.

"Out with it," she said. "Who did he take?"

"None of our business," he said.

"It's someone we know," she said.

"Sara, your son is hungry. Feed him," he said.

He sat there and watched as Matthew suckled.

"I'm going to find out," she said.

"Yes…but it won't be from me," he said.

She glanced down and saw that Matthew had fallen asleep.

"Just a light snack before bedtime," she whispered.

She gently burped him and then returned him to the nursery.

She lay there facing Grissom.

"You've forgotten what day it is," she said.

He gave the deer in the headlight look.

Dates scrambled through his brain.

_Not our anniversary…_

_Not her birthday…_

_Not the anniversary of the first time…_

_Wait…seriously she would not keep track of that…._

_Would she?_

"Is it the first time we…"

She snickered.

"Sara, I'm not good with dates," he said.

"It's been eight weeks…we can have sex again."

His eyes lit up.

"Really?"

She nodded.

He mauled her.

He apologized when he accidently ripped her gown.

The panties were thrown onto the dresser.

"You sure we can do this?"

"If you can manage to do it without waking them," she said.

He did.

He learned to be quick and efficient.

She lay there and sighed out loud.

"I've missed that," she said.

"Me too."

He was on top of her again.

"I love you," he whispered.

"Show me," she said.

He wasted no time in entering her once more. He was in a frenzy when she rolled him over onto his back without breaking the contact.

"Sara…"

She resumed the rhythm and he tried to contain the urge to slam into her. She slowed.

"Not nice," he whispered.

"Who is Jim going out with tonight?" she asked.

He glared at her.

"You're kidding, right?"

She eased herself off.

He grabbed her hips and tried to push her back down.

"Sara…"

She leaned down and seductively kissed him. Her tongue darted in and out until he thought he would explode inside her. She pulled back.

"Heather…he met Heather."

Sara froze.

"He's dating Lady Heather?"

"Sara, now is not the time to be discussing your father's choice in women," he said.

She felt herself being rolled.

He took control.

"He's dating someone you…had sex with?" she asked.

He halted.

"I never had sex with Lady Heather," he said.

"But Catherine said…"

"I've not been with anyone since you came to Vegas."

"Really?"

"Really," he said.

She smiled and then moaned when he thrust deeply inside her. She felt her resolve give and she climaxed. He soon followed.

"I uhm wasn't going to with hold…"

"I uhm wasn't going to tell you the truth either," he said with a slight grin.

He felt a blow to the head as her pillow slammed into him.

He chuckled.

He felt it again.

He could not seem to stop.

Another blow came his way and yet another.

He grabbed his own pillow and threw it in her direction.

She scrambled out of the bed as pillows continued to fly through the air.

Soon, feathers emerged.

They both looked at one another.

"I won," she said.

"You did not," he declared.

She giggled when he grabbed her waist and sought the one intimate spot where he knew she was ticklish.

The knocking on the door startled them both.

"You should get that," she said.

"Me? I have feathers all over me," he whined.

"Like I don't?" she replied.

He grabbed her by the hand as he dragged her to the door.

They opened it to find Brass standing there with Lady Heather.

They both looked at each other.

"Could we come in?" asked Brass.

They pretended to not notice the feathers.

It was impossible as with each movement, they floated in the air.

Grissom looked embarrassed. "We were uhm…"

"It must be eight weeks," said Lady Heather.

Sara blushed.

Brass chuckled. "We came to see the twins."

"Now?" asked Grissom.

"We were talking and just happened to be in the neighborhood," said Brass.

"Matthew smiled this evening," said Sara suddenly.

"He did?" asked Brass quickly.

"Yes, come and see them," she said as she guided them to the nursery.

They stood quietly and admired the children.

"Katie likes to feel someone when she sleeps so I put her in with Matthew," whispered Sara.

"Good idea," said Heather.

Sara smiled at her.

"We should be going. It's late," said Brass as he took Heather by the hand.

He turned and winked at Grissom. "Besides, you can get back to your pillow fight."

They both watched as the two left.

They stared at one another.

"Sara, I had no idea. I just made it up. Really," he said.

"Who did he say was his date?" she asked.

"Catherine," said Grissom.

Sara burst into laughter. "And you believed that?"

"They're friends…there's a history…what?"

"Catherine is dating Warrick."

His jaw dropped.

"Like you didn't know," she said as she tossed the covers into the air letting feathers fly onto the floor.

"Catherine and Warrick?" he asked.

"I'm not falling for that. Everyone knows about Cat and Warrick…just like Nick and Mandy."

Grissom looked shell shocked.

"What about Greg?" he asked.

"Now I know you're just trying to fool me. Greg isn't dating anyone. He's having an affair with me."

She could have knocked him over with a pillow.

"Gil?"

"Gil?"

He stood there staring at her.

"I was kidding…really. I would never…"

He threw his pillow knocking her onto the bed.

"I know. I just couldn't resist," he said laughing.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked angrily.

"Like you would have an affair with Greg," he chuckled.

"I might…second thought that would be like dating my brother…you're right," she said.

He pulled her down until she was sitting in his lap.

"You really didn't know that dad was out with Heather?" she asked as she stroked his beard.

"No…I made it up. He's always taking jabs at Heather. I never dreamed he might be attracted to her."

"Were you?" she asked.

"No. I've only had eyes for you," he said.

"Keep that up and you might get lucky again," she said.

She looked down and saw that he was already aroused.

She smiled.

His hands sought the tickle spot and she squealed.

"So not fair," she whined.

"What's not fair is what you tried to pull earlier," he said.

"Sorry. I'll never do it again," she said.

"We have a few hours before they wake," he said.

"I thought you said there wouldn't be time for romance," she said.

"I had a talk with them," he said.

She giggled as he nibbled on her neck.

"Gil?"

"Hmmm?"

"If dad marries Heather then she becomes your mother in law," she said with a snicker.

"Stop," he said as he couldn't help from chuckling.

"Can you imagine Catherine's reaction?" she asked as she joined in the laughter.

"Can you see my father in leather?" she continued.

The room erupted in laughter.

Cries sounded through the baby monitor.

"I think we woke them," she said snickering.

"It's fine. I'm not sure I can be romantic after imagining Jim in leather with a whip."

She sat there nursing Katie as another smirk escaped her lips.

"Stop," he said.

"I'm sorry," she said. "It's just that…the wedding gifts…"

Matthew wailed as Grissom patted him on his back.

"I think my son wants you also," he said.

"Hand him over," she said.

"You're quite efficient," he said as he watched both of them nurse at the same time.

She leaned back in the bed.

"Don't go to sleep," he said.

She nodded.

He leaned over and kissed her.

Her eyes shot open.

"Don't go to sleep," he said once again.

She smiled. "With a kiss like that, who could sleep?"

He grinned.

He helped with the babies and soon they were back in the same crib.

He returned to the bedroom and found her fast asleep.

He gently covered her as he kissed her softly on a bare shoulder.

"Love you," he whispered.

She woke.

"You really are a kind and gentle man," she said as she rolled over and made love to him even though she was exhausted.

"Gil?"

"Hmmm?"

"Maybe I should wait to go back to work…I would miss so much if I returned to work."

"Your decision…but if you want to go back to work we'll find the right nanny," he said.

She was quiet.

"She has to be old and ugly," said Sara.

He chuckled.

"Yes, dear."

THE END……..

Until the next story….

Soon….

Thanks so much fo those of you who have been faithful and read along. I am preparing once again for another trip although I am not sure if I have recovered from the last one. LOL Keep good thought of Grissom and Sara...

Take care,

Penny


End file.
